3 Blind Mice

Insomnia

2012-01-28T07:39:00.003+08:00

I hate my family.

I really do.

Its occurred to me that in the past 3 days that we've been in India, I've laughed maybe once.

Once.
Whereas in Ireland I used to laugh myself silly everyday.

Fuck, even in Seremban I laughed more often.

Just, somehow, being around my family drains me.

It takes up too much energy just dealing with them and their stupid moods that I'm too tired to fake being happy at the end of the day.

Plus, my parents really need a wake-up call. I'm 22 this year, for fuck's sake.

I should be able to fucking decide what I want to wear and what I want to eat.

Fucking hell.

Every fucking day it's been

"Don't wear that! Wear the other one"

"Don't eat that, what's wrong with you. Eat thaaaat one. Eat more. You need to eat more what do you mean you're not hungry just shut up and eat"

Fuck you.

Fuck this.

I need to go home.

No.

I need to get away from this family.

I do.

I'm much happier when I only have to see them on weekends.

~vid~

The Poor Lost Sheep Boy - The Story

2012-01-25T01:54:00.003+08:00

You don't need someone to take care of you
You're so headstrong!

- Rachel, when I was mulling over whether lost sheep were really my type or not.

This post might be completely incoherent/non-cohesive because I keep getting interrupted.
Between the first quote and now I've already been interrupted twice,
keep getting asked to make coffee for the whole family.
I really am turning into the (almost)perfect Indian housewife.

And now I'm going to get interrupted again because I'm starving and breakfast just got done.

yesh.

...okay so I typed out everything above at 7am,

and now its currently 2am, the next day.

14-hour interruption, yo.

I'm actually really sleepy,

and I've just watched the new Once Upon A Time episode, and I really want to squeal about that instead,

but.

I am leaving to India in approximately 10 hours,

and if I don't write about Poor Lost Sheep Boy now, I will not write about him at all (and I want to)

I can't possibly muse about lost sheep while in India, considering I'm sharing a hotel room with my parents.

Probably going to sound really messed up and not at all like how I planned it to sound in my head, but here goes..

...on second thought (and don't kill me you guys, I know how potong stim this is),

I'll write about him at a time when I've gotten over the regret a little bit more.

I still regret not getting to know him.

So much.

So, so much.

I'm probably the only person on this planet with a penchant of falling in love with people I don't really know.

But as that tarot-reader-lady told me :

"Keep your innocence, child. And keep your heart open to love. You'll find it soon. Don't lose hope"

yep.

~vid~

The Poor Lost Sheep Boy

2012-01-23T00:31:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I left without getting to know him.

So many things feel like heartbreak, don't they?

Like when you're so close to achieving something you never knew you wanted until it was placed right in front of you,

and then it dances out of your reach and slips away through your fingers like water.

Some regrets last a lifetime.
This one will.

On another note,

HELLO EVERYBODY I AM BACK HOMEEEEEEEEEEE!

...and severely jet-lagged, so goodnight :)

~vid~

2012-01-20T22:23:00.001+08:00

Sanjanaaaaaaa control your emotionsssssss

TWIG : Last day in NUIG

2012-01-20T21:58:00.002+08:00

Well, hello.

Internet's still not fixed yet at home, so I'm blogging from uni again.
This will probably be the last blog post from Galway.
Actually, the last blog post from outside Malaysia..my transit in Amsterdam is only an hour or so, so I probably wouldn't blog then.
yep.

I've got all this heaviness in my heart and head right now, so this blog post might not make any sense at all..

I hate adjusting.
I do.
I hate it.
I didn't react very well to first coming here because it was so different from back home, and all I wanted to do was get on the next plane and run back to somewhere familiar.

And then I didn't like the hospital at all at first.

And then,
I got used to it.
To the cold,
to my housemates,
to Galway town,
to walking around everywhere,
to the hospital,
to the PC suite at uni.

And now I can't imagine going back at all.

I'm not sure how I'm going to react to going back to being all alone in my big room at home,
or dealing with my family (whom I haven't properly talked to since I came here)
or getting on another plane on Wednesday and going to India,
and after all that,
just going back to my humdrum routine,
and after that, going back to Seremban.
And entering final year.

It's all just a big jumbled mess in my head.

And my life plans have been messed up slightly too.
I'm the kind of person who likes planning out my future (eventhough I know half the time the plans never follow through...like how I'd always dreamt of being a hotshot lawyer - look where I ended up!)
And my plan was always to work in Malaysia after graduation, and then specialise as soon as possible, and then continue working with the government in whichever state.
..
but now..
I mean, I do think we get better exposure back home and all,
but I like living here.
Overseas.
I suppose I'd be okay with working here as well, so I'd really quite like to move here.
And that of course, would upset my plans completely.
I'm horribly confused.

Of course, when I do go back, I might love Malaysia so much again that I never want to leave.

I don't know.
Just so much confusion right now.

aaaah.
I should probably write about all that's been happening here instead of going off on my own tangent about my insecurities, aye?

Not much to write about really, because I'm in full emo mode (I REALLY don't want to leave just yetttt)
...and my housemate has just come back to the PC suite because her tutorial has been cancelled,
so I'm being interrupted in the middle of blogging yet againnnn
(this is why I can't be bothered blogging in uni really, otherwise I'd have blogged obsessively everyday)

When I get back I'll blog about how sexist GerFla is (that ~~handsome~~ gay professor),
and I will write at length about the Poor Lost Sheep Boy (prev known as The cute boy in Galway)

AND THIS HOUSEMATE OF MINE WANTS TO GO TOWN RIGHHHTT NOWWWW so I have to stop here ok bye.

~vid~

p.s. She's also planting weird sexual fantasies in my head about Poor Lost Sheep Boy so I'd better log off for my own sanity. ahem.

TWIG : Random post that I can't think up a title for

2012-01-13T21:32:00.003+08:00

Hai.

So currently I'm in the pc suite at uni, using the internet because we still don't have internet at home.
Could've blogged here the past few days, but it really is too public,
and I've already somehow managed to embarass myself on a few occasions here already.

But I'm really bored today (it's my day off! ..but I really need the internet ok) and hungry and rather sleepy because the 3 in1 Nescafe honestly is crap and has probably the bare minimum of caffeine, so right now I don't care if anyone reads what I'm typing.
Kalau nak kepo sgt baca, baca lah.

Just hit me today morning that this is my last weekend here.
:(
Kinda upsetting, to be honest.
I've grown used to the house here, and the uni, and the weather. It'd be kind of odd to go back home,
maybe also because I'm so used to hanging out with Yan Qi's housemates now,
that when I go back it'd be rather depressing to just be all alone in my room.
I mean I'd have the internet and I could go back to my Ali Zafar stalking, but.
..it'd just be rather sad, you know.
Not having my friends around.
I never quite felt it when I used to come back from Seremban because I never really hung out with my housemates there.
Or at least I didn't hang out with them as much as I hang out with these people.

But with that being said,
I do miss home.
Sort of.

I miss HTJ, I miss IMU (I know right, like wth happened to me??)
and given a choice, I'd always pick Seremban over Galway for clinicals,
but
I'd like to have studied here.
Maybe not medicine, maybe something else.
Maybe law.

It's always been a dream of mine to go to university in the UK.

And I suppose, it did come true if only for three weeks.
That's something I should be happy about.

Anyway, so we're going to Connemara tomorrow, and the Cliffs of Moher on Sunday
(or is the other way around?)
so that should be alot of fun :D
I'm more interested in the Cliffs to be honest.
whee!

What else can I blog about?
oooh Dr Gerard Flaherty!
Affectionately (or not) known as GerFla to the students here.

I had to email him once before coming here,
and despite Jovann telling me he was rather young,
I'd always had this image of a rather stout, stocky man with greying hair and a serious face...
...
...I could not have been more wrong.
GerFla is probably around 35,
and handsomeeeeee! (well, I'm the only one who thinks so but wtv)
And he's rather nice,
(gives us personal tutorials and everything. ahemmm)
But apparently he's gay.
-_-
I'm just jinxed that way.
pfft.
:(

Aaaaah now we're going for lunch and I'm distracted again, so I'm going to stop here.
I'll write about this cute boy in Galway in another post :D
There is a cute boy in Galway *wink wink*

Toodles~

~vid~

Delight

2012-01-09T18:18:00.001+08:00

SCHOLESY'S BACK PLAYING FOR UNITEDDDDDDD!

That is all.

I am dying of happiness.

~vid~

TWIG : Second Saturday here!

2012-01-07T20:11:00.002+08:00

HAIII.

Okay, so this post is on MS Word as well.
Its Saturday morning right now, but I’ll probably only post it up later once I get to use the broadband.

We haven’t had internet since Tuesday (I think) or Wednesday.
Wednesday, probably.
Some guy was supposed to come fix it yesterday, but there was some problem, and he didn’t. I hope it comes back on soon.
I miss the internetttt!
Plus I really want to skype with my parents and my cousins. I miss their faces. :(

Alright, so what can I blog about today?

I’ll tell you guys about my week in uni.

I’ve been pretty busy (by NUIG standards…NUIG stands for National University of Ireland, Galway; I’m considering buying an NUIG hoodie. For the heck of it. Should I?),
but honestly I feel I’ve been horribly unproductive.

We’ve been put together with the 3rd year med students, because they only do Cardio in 3rd year apparently. It does feel a bit odd, because they’re still very new to the whole clinical setting, and I keep having to remind myself I was as lost as them when I started Sem6 back in Seremban.
I generally try to avoid answering questions in class, because there’s no triumph in showing up a bunch of 3rd years when I’m already entering 5th year, and I should know what they don’t.
The boy is having the time of his life showing off in class, which is honestly rather annoying. but. wtv.

We’ve also been given logbooks, and we’re supposed to get signatures for every patient clerked and presented, and for every procedure seen.
But unlike Seremban, here it’s compulsory to get signatures.
Even the lab technicians and the nurses and the SHOs know about it…to the extent that after every procedure, they immediately go like “okay, so what do I have to sign for you?”
…before we even open our mouths okay.
I don’t like that part of it.
I suppose that’s one way of the uni keeping track of students’ attendance, but to me it just feels like you show up for classes/tutorials for the sake of getting the signatures. At least that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 4 days.
:/
Me and Jovann have been put into the same group, and our timetables are slightly different from the other 3 Irish students in our group, so we mostly just do things on our own, which suits us just fine.

yep.

Okay, so anyway,
on Monday we went for some cardiac rehab session.
It’s sort of like an aerobic class/exercise session for patient’s with heart disease. Like physio.
I haven’t seen it back home, maybe they have it in GHKL or IJN, but I don’t think they have it in Seremban.
It was rather cute, all these old men doing aerobics and using exercise machines. And they were all very excited about me and Jovann being there.
Damn jakun okay.
And the nurse there.
Ohmygod.
She was all like “you’re from Malaysia?? Singapore is in Malaysia right?”
o.O
And then she goes on to say “But you have very good English! It’s perfect!” and then gives us this exaggerated surprised look.
Excuse me.
What do you mean BUT I have very good English?
Did you think Malaysians couldn’t speak English or something??
ugh. I’ve heard people say that they’ve been faced with situations like these before, where people mix up Singapore and Malaysia, and/or think we still live on treetops and can’t speak anything but gibberish,
but..honestly.
And there are so many other Malaysians studying/working here too! Why are people still so jakun about us??

Even on Tuesday, we had to attend afternoon clinic, and we were following this Malaysian doctor (a Registrar who works there)
and this patient walks in and asks us where we’re all from, and we say we’re all from Malaysia, but he still looks awfully confused,
and after awhile, he points to me and goes like “you look different. They (points to Jovann and the doctor..who is Malay btw) look the same, you don’t. You look Indian”
…
I am Indian.
There are Indian people in Malaysia. Who are also Malaysian.
…
I mean it’s the same concept as having African Americans isn’t it? I’m Indian by race, and Malaysian by nationality.
It’s not that difficult to understand -_-
And I keep getting asked if I’m from the UK. Took me some time to figure out that there are a lot of British-born Indians who come to Ireland to study as well,
so somehow it’s easier for patients to accept the concept of BBIs (British born Indians) as opposed to working their heads around M(Malaysian)BIs.
They seem to think all Malaysians are Malay.

But otherwise, the patients are all really nice.
But they don’t stop talking omg.
Even in clinics, one consultation takes at least half an hour. That’s a stark difference from back home.
We were in the clinic from 2pm to 5pm on Tuesday, and we only saw 6 patients.
So when I came back home, I was telling Yan Qi’s housemates about how we saw so few patients,
and they’re like “You saw SIX!? Six is a lot! :O”

-_-

Ok.

And the patients here tend to lead the clerking. I know I used to complain about how old Indian patients back home used to go on and on about their life stories,
but patients here do the same. :/
I was clerking a heart failure patient yesterday, and he was doing all the talking.
I kept having to cut him off here and there because he was going off on a different tangent, and I wasn’t getting the information I needed.

Oh, and that’s another thing.
I’m so out of practice clerking patients omg.
I talked to him for a good 45 minutes (because he just wouldn’t stop and it would be awfully rude if I cut him off at every sentence) and then when I came back home, I sat down to write up the history (thanks to Dato’ Kanda I’ve developed the habit of not taking notes while clerking)
and I realized there were quite a few things I forgot to ask. Minor things, but still.

So anyway, presented the case to the doctor yesterday,
and at the end of it he goes like “oh well done. Very good history. I have nothing to add. Very good”

O_O

What.

And all I could think of was “omg if I had presented this to Prof Esha or Dato’ Kew they’d have crucified me”

That’s another difference. The doctors here are really nice.
Like super nice.
Like if you mess up somewhere, they’re all like “do you need more help?”, or if you don’t turn up for class they’re like “Are you alright? Do you need extra tutorials?”

:O

So niceeeee.

:(

Okay la, back home the doctors are really nice too,
but they’re hardcore when it comes to work.
And come on la, which doctor would offer extra tutorials if you don’t turn up for class?

Lol I’ve been complaining this whole post.

Oh well.

The grass here definitely isn’t greener.
Everyone is nice, and life is relaxed and whatnot,
but I couldn’t live here.
Not after the hectic life we have in Seremban…I come here and I’m like omg why don’t I have anything to do? It’s like being in psych all over again.

It’s no wonder people who study here can’t work in Malaysia.

Yep.

And now everyone in this house has woken up and I’m distracted and I’ve completely lost track of what I want to say.
End of blog post :D

OH OH.
They have this shop called the Milkshake Bar in town, which is honestly the best shop in existence.
They have every flavor omg.
Like Snickers and Twix and Ferrero Rocher and Strawberry Cheesecake and Chocolate Muffin and Melon and Protein Shakes and yeah.
They have everything.
So far I’ve taken Turkish Delight (love!) and Crunchie.
I want to import that shop back to Malaysia ok bye,

~vid~

TWIG : I'm losing count of days..

2012-01-02T18:15:00.003+08:00

...already.

So, if I'm not terribly wrong, it's Monday morning over here.
And I think I'm the only one awake.
Unless the girl upstairs is awake also. There's one of Yan Qi's housemates who doesn't ever hang out with us, and for all intents and purposes after this, she will be referred to as 'the girl upstairs'.
...that is, if I ever feel the need to blog about her again.

Yesterday was such a wonderfully lazy day.
I loved it.
I woke up around 10am yesterday, and literally spent the whole day lazing around in bed with my laptop/chatting with the others until 6pm,
then we all got ready for a steamboat dinner (in the house itself), which was pretty fun,
because the boy and his friend came over as well.

I went to sleep pretty early last night,
I guess the lack of sleep is finally catching up to me.

And oh oh.
Yesterday evening, I went to wash my hair so I wouldn't have to wash it this morning,
and after I was done, I wanted to dry my hair yeah, because I didn't want to walk around with wet hair in this cold and get a flu or something.
And then I noticed...
...
....
.....dandruff!
:O
:O
:O
HOLYSHIT.
And I swear to God it looked exactly like those pictures in our Dermato textbooks, the seborrheic dermatitis lesions.
WTF OKAY.
WTF.
I all but freaked out and died!
I was so afraid all my hair was going to fall out or something, and I mean, how the hell do I walk around with that on my head?!
aaaaaaaaaaargh
After I came downstairs though, one of the girls was telling me that it was actually pretty normal,
and they'd all experienced it,
which was why I'd seen either a tar-based shampoo/Selson's/Head&Shoulders in every bathroom.
And there I was walking around with my beloved Sunsilk.
It's apparently because of the weather here...its so dry! So aparently I shouldn't wash my hair every day -.-
I mean how the hell was I supposed to know right?
But ugh.
I'm so upset about it right now.
Hopefully I manage to get rid of it soon, or I'll wear a hat and walk around everywhere.

My hair is a major point of vanity with me okay.

:(

Oh well.
Can't really think of anything else to type.
Won't blog again today, probably the next post will be tomorrow after I get back from class.
I'm not sure what to expect, so I'm just going with not expecting anything at all.
yep.

Going out to Galway town (?city) later to get groceries and buy my sim cardddd.

yeh.

okeh.

Here is a new Kurt Schneider video with Alex Goot.
I don't what instrument it is that Kurt's using, but it is insanely cool.
And he still has the prettiest hands.

ok.

How To Save A Life - Kurt Schneider & Alex Goot

~vid~

TWIG : Happy New Year! :)

2012-01-01T20:19:00.003+08:00

Roarrrr!

Happy New Year everybody! :DDD

I'm just hoping 2012 is a good year for everyone.
2011 was a bit of a mess.
Until today I can't actually remember when 2011 started...it actually spanned almost 3 semesters for me.

So yeah, no expectations for the new year, just please God, let it be a good one.
I've got both Sem 9 and Sem 10 coming (my final semesters in medschool) and I could really use a break.

Right.
So yesterday was completely spent in Dublin.
Didn't take too many pictures because everyone was more into shopping, what with the New Year's sale and all.
I don't like shopping. :/ And the only thing I was slightly tempted to spend my money on was this cute white mug with the words "I Love Caffeine" on it,
but then I decided it would probably count as unnecessary, so I didn't.

Which reminds me, my coffee withdrawal is getting reeaaaallly bad.
Woke up at 8am yesterday with a blinding headache, the kind I usually get when I haven't had my coffee fix,
and then it hit me. 8am here is 4pm back home.
Waaaaaaaay past my usual coffee-dose-time.
And not just the headache, my hands were shaking so bad I was so afraid I'd drop the glass that I was making coffee in.

Less headachy today though, maybe my body's adjusting to the different time zone.

Okay, anyway,
back to the Dublin trip.

I love Dublin.
I do.
Eventhough we only were walking in and out of shops yesterday.

The buildings are so beautiful!
And old-schooly and :)
And people walk everywhere, and its so much safer than it is back home.
If we walked in KL the way people walk here, we'd have been victims of snatch-theft within the first 10 minutes or something.
And cars actually actually stop for people at the zebra crossing.
:O
That came as a bit of a surprise.
Back home, zebra crossings serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever. No car stops for you. -.-

And there were street musicians,
and people doing street art and everything.
It was an experience alright, seeing all of that.
And the street musicians are really talented though! I could've stood there for hours just watching them sing/play their instruments.
Damn jakun lol.

Couldn't stay in Dublin to welcome the New Year though,
because there wouldn't have been a bus back to Galway after 12am, and staying overnight in Dublin was out of the question.

Was initially supposed to go to Belfast for fireworks instead, but apparently transportation to Belfast is crazy expensive,
so we just welcomed in the New Year at home instead.
And then sat around talking til 5 in the am.
o.O

Yan Qi's housemates are really nice (have I mentioned this before?)
They're like kindred spirits,
so, so far so good.

20 days left before I go back home!

I kind of miss home actually.
I came all the way here to see if the grass is really greener on this side,
and so far I can honestly say, in terms of living conditions, it most definitely isn't.

We're a pampered lot back home, actually.

And honestly, honestly,
I don't think I'll ever EVER complain about my housemates' cleanliness (or lack thereof) again.
Ever.

At least I've learnt to have a bit more appreciation for my Seremban house after coming back here.
That's a silver lining, isn't it?

The weather here is alright,
apparently its one of their mildest winters.
Just rain and wind.
No snow.
And eventhough I'd really like to experience snow, right now I'm rather thankful for the lack of it, because I don't have boots and I really don't fancy slipping everytime we have to walk somewhere.

I haven't yet been able to explore Galway
(kind of rethinking the whole TWIG thing right now, three days and I've only really been in Dublin most of the time LOL)
I guess we'll do that tomorrow, and I really need to get a sim card so I can contact the boy easily once we start class.

yep.

This post is rather incoherent because I'm awfully sleepy,
and hungry,
and my fingers are frozen.
I'd wear a cardigan, but the rest of me isn't cold.
Just my fingers.
and my nose.
-.-

Happy New Year again!

~vid~

TWIG : Galway and Goodnight :)

2011-12-31T08:04:00.001+08:00

So I reached Galway in one piece around 2.45pm :)

Spent time catching up with Yan Qi,
getting to know her housemates,
and then Jovann came over,
and then yeah. we've all pretty much been just sitting around and talking.

Her housemates are awfully nice.

Oh, and we're going to Dublin tomorrow again.
I'd actually like to see Dublin from the outside of a bus, it does seem like a very pretty town.

And I'm practically collapsing with the need for sleep,
so goodnight everybody!
I'll post about Dublin tomorrow :)

We won't be going for fireworks anywhere tomorrow though because we wouldn't be able to get transport back to Galway if we did.
Oh well,
can't have it all eh?

~vid~

TWIG : Dublin

2011-12-30T19:49:00.005+08:00

So I've arrived in Dublin!
Whee!
Arrived 1.5 hours ago, collecting baggage was pretty easy, and the customs and immigration people were really nice :)
Half-walked, half-ran to the coach park (also really easy to find...there were signs everywhere), just in time to miss the 10.45 bus. :(
Like it literally left just as I reached the coach park.
Got on the 11.45 bus instead. He's just left for Galway now :)) but we'll be making a stop in Dublin City first.
The bus has wifi, so coooool!

Although I should probably be admiring the sights instead of blogging rn.

Its so cold!
Was walking out of the airport earlier and was wondering where the smoke was coming from, then I realised it was my own breath fogging up in front of me.
:O

Got my Ipod in, with my Ali Zafar playlist, so I'm pretty content now.
Going to spend the rest of the bus ride staring out my window in wonder :D

Toodles!

~vid~

TWIG : Amsterdam!

2011-12-30T14:45:00.002+08:00

Hello from Amsterdaaaaam!

Made it here in one piece. Hah!
So its currently around 6.35am here, and my flight is at 9.30am, so that gives me around 3 hours of nothing to do.
I'm sitting outside my gate because I really don't know where else to go, and I'm not hungry/thirsty so I'd rather not go sit in a coffee shop and waste money :/
So here I am, blogging!
Typing this out on Word first, because Schipol only allows free wifi for an hour, so I'd rather not connect to the Internet first..

And now I can hear someone whistling Tujhe Dekha in the airport, which is decidedly odd because I don't see any Asians around.
:O
Bollywood has infiltrated the West!
I mean, of course it did, quite some time ago, but wtv.

Everyone here is sitting around wearing their winter coats and all...and mine is just thrown over my arm because it really is hot here.
If I was wearing my coat right now I'd suffocate.
Getting alot of weird stares because I'm the only one not wearing mine.
Or maybe I'm getting stared at because I'm the only Asian person here.
Hm.

Anywaaaay,
I have alot to write about, so I'd best go in chronological order so I don't miss anything out.

Right,
So back at KLIA, we discovered they'd changed the aircraft to a smaller one, and so instead of being in row 15, I ended up in row 32.
Which was sort of okay, because I still had a window seat,
and the toilet (they call it lavaratory, wheeee! Haven't heard that word used in forever!) was just a row in front,
but I was sitting right behind the wing...
...not at all condusive when you're trying to watch an in-flight movie.
Turned the volume up pretty loud and yet still had to strain to hear what they were saying over the sound of the engines.

AND OMG WHY DO I ALWAYS GET STUCK BEHIND ABSOLUTE IMBECILES WHO RECLINE THEIR SEAT SO FAR BACK THEY'RE PRACTICALLY SLEEPING ON YOU?!
UGH.
Was hell trying to squeeze out from there to get to the toilet, plus my seatmate had 1467435544 things under her seat so I had to stumble all over that too -.-
I think I might have pulled too hard on the headrests of the seats in front while trying to maintain my balance.
Was kinda tempted to apologize, actually.
Like "I am SO sorry I'm bothering you, but I really have no choice because YOU'RE RECLINING YOUR SEAT TOO FUCKING FAR BACK, ASSHOLE!"

Oh.
See I've gotten ahead of myself here.
Okay, rewind back to the airporttt...

Alright, so back at KLIA, while I was waiting for them to open the gates to allow us to board the plane,
this random white dude in his 50's (? I think) decided to squeeze into a seat berween me and another lady,
and there really wasn't enough place for him, he was practically sitting on me!
And after a few awkward moments during which I was busying myself on twitter,
he decides to start talking to me...
...
...
...and doesn't stop!
Seriously, he talked about everything from his business deals in Malaysia, to how this time he was just accompanying his wife (a KLM stewardess) on holiday, to how he's not a huge fan of Ireland, to the Malaysian quota system...
(our quota system is an excellent topic for conversation btw)
He also slipped in ALOT of inappropriate but hilarious racist comments about everybody...the Dutch, the Irish, us Malaysians...and he was awfully loud about it too.
Spent about half an hour just listening to him. Was honestly rather fun though.
Oh and since his wife worked on the flight, halfway through the flight, circa 3am, she came over to confirm that I was the girl talking to her husband earlier,
told me to call her if I needed anything at all, and gave me a free toiletry bag (the ones they hand out in business class), compliments of KLM. :D
Its not much, but it was kinda sweet :)

I was actually kind of hoping there'd be someone at least half as chatty as him next to me on the flight,
but.
:(
There were two girls next to me, one Dutch, one Chinese, both of whom promptly pulled out storybooks and began to read as soon as they'd sat down.
Like.
Uhm.
Okay.
So I spent the whole flight alternating between movies, music and sleeping.
Watched Crazy, Stupid Love first, because I've been meaning to watch that since foreverrr,
and then dozed off for a bit. Maybe 2 hours. They had hindi music on the plane (Y) so I made a "playlist" of songs fron Jhootha Hi Sahi and Dabangg, and fell asleep to Sonu Nigam crooning in my ear.
Was kinda hoping for Mere Brother Ki Dulhan songs though, but that would've been just too good to be true.
Oh, and they served dinner. Which was awesome because I'd been starving within ten minutes of boarding the flight. O.o
Got up after a while and then decided to watch Source Code.
Didn't like the ending, they should've just ended the story with everyone dead.
But yeah, anyway,
tried to doze off again, unsuccessfully,
then gave up and debated on whether to watch Thor (hadn't watched that before), Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (they actually had ZNMD asjfgfhfkkhgh), or You've Got Mail (because it's one of my fav movies)
Settled on Thor.
Josh Dallas was adorableeeee with that beard and all! Eventhough his role wasn't much.
And who was that acting as Loki? Looked an awful lot like Jared Leto. And I preferred him to Thor :)
Thor was annoying.

Okay, then we finally landed!
Was so tempted to say I'd finally landed on European soil! but I guess it doesn't count because I'm just sitting in the airport,
not actually stepping out into Amsterdam. :/
Changed my watch time to local time, and was planning on leaving my phone on Malaysian time,
but my phone had other ideas and decided to automatically switch instead -.-

My departure gate is on the other end of the airport from my arrival gate,
took me 20 mins of brisk walking to get here wt
Thankfully, since its so far at the end, the toilets were deserted, so I could take my own sweet time cleaning my teeth and brushing my hair and putting my contacts in.
Just for the added self-confidence ;)
Breakfast was also served on the plane, so I don't have to worry about that either.

And omg its taken me a whole hour to type out this post, so I'm going to shut up now.
Pray I can copy paste this into Blogger or you lot will only be reading this post 7 hours later. :/

:D

~vid~

TWIG : Pre-trip

2011-12-29T18:09:00.004+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Hello.
:D

So its like 6pm here, and I've just spent the whole day sleeping.
Literally.
Like I woke up at 12, ate lunch, repacked everything until I was happy with it,
(STILL 24kg though. That's insane. Thank God I'm only in excess of 1kg, hopefully they'll waive it off)
and then I didn't know what to do with myself so I dozed off til now.

lol.

I don't know how I'm going to sleep on the flight later.
Oh well, just watch movies until I doze off then or something.

Got alot of phone calls today morning from my aunts/uncles all wired up to give me pep talks.
Like don't be nervous,
be brave,
God is always with you,
etc. etc.

Guess that kinda put things into perspective for me.

I'm not going to war.
I'm just going to go to a different country for a semi-holiday.
-_-

I've been making a mountain out of a molehill for no reason whatsoever,
but oh well,
whats life without a little drama eh?
And I have dramaticism in spades. ;)

So yep,
I guess I will blog when I'm in Amsterdam.
via tablet,
although I'd probably type it all out first and then log on to the Internet and copy paste the whole thing into blogger,
because apparently
Schipol offers free wifi for one hour.

ONE hour.

I'm going to be there for FOUR.

-_-

So here's the plan,
get off the plane, find my gate,
freshen up or wtv (I'm hoping all that will shave off at least half an hour from my transit time), and then go find a nice comfy place to sit and type another blog post about my amazing experience sitting in a cramped position for 13 hours because I'm too much of a self-conscious prat to get up and walk around except to the bathroom,
and then I'd pull out my 'Have A Little Faith' by Mitch Albom and read it til they call for boarding.

Or, in worst case scenario that I've used up my one hour free wifi and I really don't fancy reading,
I'll pull out my laptop and use that for another one hour instead.

Yesh.
Good plan.

Everything's pretty much done,
except for putting this laptop in my bag and locking everything up.

Still not too happy about how I have to wear my nerd specs on the plane because 13 hours is far too long to have your contacts in,
plus I'm planning on sleeping at some point during the flight,
so leaving them in is a no-no.
Especially now since I've done ophthalmo already and the consultants have had their fun scaring me about all the infections/complications related to contact lens wear.
-_-

Oh, and the boy is apparently staying in his friend's house.
Not MY friend's house.
I suppose that makes it easier for everybody,
but his friend's house is about half an hour away from where I'll be staying, so I guess we'd have to work something out in terms of how we meet up for uni.

Yan Qi was telling me the rough schedules for the cardio posting yesterday..

Tutorials, wards, clinics, surgical theatre..

I was okay with the tutorials part,
God knows I need ALOT of help with cardio (I hate it, its rubbish)

But omg, just hearing "wards, clinics, OT"...I wanted to vomit.
ugh.
yuck.
It's like a legit physical reaction to hearing parts of the hospital mentioned.

I've only been away from the medical field for 6 days,
its far too soon to start even thinking about wards and clinics again.
:(
Oh well.
I'll just have to keep a countdown of how many days I'll have to be there.

14 days as it is.

14 days is survivable, right?
:/

Alright,
its 6.15 now and I really have to go take a shower and then get ready to flyyyyy.
We're leaving for the airport at 8pm,
flight is at 11.40pm (have I mentioned this already?)

So unless I'm lost,
I'm too lazy,
something unthinkable happens,

the next post will be from Amsterdam!

yaaay!

Oh, and also I've decided I'm going to chronicle my entire trip as Three Weeks in Galway,
hence T W I G as the title of this post.

AAAAAAAND I've decided I'm going to make a scrapbook as well :D

I've been wanting to make a scrapbook for awhile,
but I just never had anything to make it on,
and its ridiculous to make a scrapbook for no reason at all.
(Actually it isn't, but yeah)

Which reminds me, I have to go save all my checklists from being unceremoniously dumped into the wastepaper basket so that I can paste them all in my scrapbook.

Should be fun.

Although I'll probably only start it when I get back to M'sia.
Don't fancy carrying more stationery halfway around the world :p

Not sure if I'll print blog posts and paste them in the scrapbook too.
Bit ridiculous to,
but it'd beat writing it all out again.
And then ten years from now I can pick up the scrapbook and laugh at how much I drama-ed about having to travel alone.

Damn. okay. I need to shower now.
Buh-byeeeee!

Pray I land safely and I don't get lost and it doesn't rain in Ireland!

(even if you're reading this after I've already landed, you can still pray ok. I'm sure God can see into the future and sense your good intentions and give me extra luck on your behalf as well.
K?
K. Thanksloveyoubye!)

~vid~

Chal Dil Mere

2011-12-29T02:23:00.004+08:00

In a much calmer state of mind now.
Got all my documents sorted.
And I have to repack tomorrow, because there are odds and ends that I've left out.

I've more or less accepted that this is really happening.

LOL.
I make it sound like a death sentence of something, don't I?
You're just traveling, Vidya, don't be such a drama queen!

So its 2.30am,
and I'm still awake because

1) I'm suffering from post-semester insomnia. I usually sleep around 3/4am during semester,
but the difference is that when I get back from class in the afternoons I usually crash for awhile before getting up and doing my assignments.
Back home, I don't have the chance to nap in the afternoons,
so over the past few days I've been becoming increasingly sleep-deprived.
And yet, I still can't fall asleep before 4am.
Habitual insomnia, this one.

2) I anyway have to charge my camera, Ipod, Mp3 player, etc.
I'm going to steal this picture.
Because I want it on my blog.
And its all over the Internet anyway, so...
(all copyright to the rightful owner though)

yep.

I've been wanting to post Jhoom up for a few days already,
but ...just doesn't feel right today.

So.

Chal Dil Mere - Ali Zafar

(yes this has morphed into a semi-Ali-Zafar-fan-club blog)

I actually watched this video first, and I thought he was singing an old hindi song,
and then when I finally looked up the original,
...its his song!
From one of his earlier albums (the first one if I'm not wrong)
And I do believe he changed most of the lyrics for this live version. (I don't actually understand half of what he's singing)
And how cute is it that Kat and Imran just suddenly start dancing along to his singing?
And the falsetto at 1.21.

asldkjskfh.

I love this man.

Alright.
The only thing left to be charged is my phone.
Which I shall do tomorrow.

OH AND.
I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DON'T STICK TO THEIR WORDS.
ONCE YOU'VE COMMITTED TO SOMEONE YOU CANNOT BE FICKLE.
YOU CANNOT CHANGE PLANS TEN MILLION TIMES WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HOW OTHER PEOPLE MAY BE AFFECTED.

ugh.

This is why I like hibernating in my room.

I don't have to deal with people.

~vid~

The day before.

2011-12-28T20:22:00.003+08:00

Fuck, my flight is tomorrow isn't it?

I sort of finished packing just now.
Might repack later, because I'm not happy with it. Can't do it right now because I'm in panic mode.
Again.
-_-
I think I was only calm for about a day and a half.

And oh my god, this is really happening.

I really am going to travel to a different continent for the first time in my life, and alone.
o.O
Lots of firsts.

Also, guess who decided to turn up today?
My period.
-_-
Its been delayed 3 weeks, and it decides to come today.
I suppose I should be thankful it didn't decide to suddenly make an appearance during the flight tomorrow or something.
I've been told the flow increases with altitude.
I'm hoping its just hearsay and that there's no truth to the statement at all.

And now, I can finally blame all my previous angsty/hormonal/whiny posts on a whole effing month of PMS.
I generally have PMS a week before getting my actual period,
(which sucks, but then again I have a fair warning...pros and cons, eh?)
and I got my PMS smack on time as usual this month,
but the period itself got delayed.
Add the usual one week PMS to the 3-week delay ...I've been in pain for a whole month okay.

Today was hell.

Took double dose of meds, which is the only reason I could muster up enough energy to pack today.

I'm so afraid I'll leave something important behind,
or I'll be lost,
or I'll screw up something at the transit/immigration,
or.
I don't know.
I suppose I'll be okay,
but aaaaah just let me be nervous okay? I'll be alright once I'm actually on the plane.
I'll be alot calmer.
Now I'm just going haywire.
Hence the incoherence of this post.

I honestly don't know what I'm typing.

Will probably blog while I'm on transit in Amsterdam,
because I have close to four hours with absolutely nothing to do.
mm-hmm.
Have to entertain myself somehow.

yep.
So.

P.S. Jea Mieeeee I love youuuu for saving my stories and sending them to me. :')

~vid~

Heartache

2011-12-28T00:59:00.004+08:00

Remember how my laptop crashed some time back, and the guy took forever to fix it,
only to return it with everything saved under "Recovered File"?

I've been putting off going through my laptop and my external hard drives because...well, I've been awfully lazy.
Went through them today,
and discovered that most of the "recovered file"s cannot be opened.
They're just.
random.
blank.
things.

And so I went through my hard drives,

and I was so sure that I'd backed up my stuff quite recently...

...but I hadn't.
Well, apparently I hadn't.

I think I'd been backing up everything in my C drive to my D drive in case of a virus,
because they usually reformat just the C drive or something right?
and then they can backup from the D drive.
or something.
Well, that's how they did it for me before.

I was actually going through it today to see if my movies were still there,

(and of course they aren't)
(including my Season 1 of Game of Thrones and my season 6 of HIMYM)
But those I'm not too fussed over, I mean I can just download everything again.
No big deal.

What hurts more,
and this really hurts, mind you,
is that I've lost alot of my case reports and case summaries.
Actually I think I've lost all of them.
And all the ppt presentations,
and ugh.
Quite alot of uni stuff.

Imagine having to start case reports from scratch again next sem. :/

And along with my uni documents,
alot of my personal writing has disappeared too.
I mean, its not like they were anything great...but quite alot of time went into those random snippets.
And they're just.
well.
gone.

I suppose it serves me right for not being meticulous enough to backup my laptop every so often,
especially since my laptop had been threatening to crash for quite sometime already.

Still upsetting though.

I'm going to go wallow in self-pity for the rest of the night.
Not even Ali Zafar's angel voice can lift me out of this funk right now.
:(

I keep hoping all my documents will miraculously appear from somewhere.

sigh.

~vid~

Everybody say yeah, oh yeah.

2011-12-26T02:39:00.004+08:00

HAI EVVYBODY!

So I'm actually supposed to be asleep now,
because its like 2.40 in the am, and I have to be up early tomorrow to go collect all the random perishables that I forgot in Seremban.

Perishables = foodstuff for those of you confused people.
yep.
Cannot leave foodstuff there for 2 months,
well, because my perishables are mostly like coffee and coffee mate and condensed milk and what not...
..
none of my housemates are coffee-drinkers so its not like they could use it up while I'm gone.
If they could've, I'd have left it behind.

so yeah.

Everytime I think about Thursday (which is when I leave for IRELAAAAAAAAAAAND btw, for those of you who didn't know about that)
I have this huge epic freak out session and I can't breathe for a bit.
Then I tell myself I'm not the first female on the planet to have traveled alone and I shouldn't be such a wuss and that if other people can do it then so can I.
yep.

I can do this.

As long as I don't get lost anywhere.

But considering I have three hours transit in Amsterdam,
and I have over an hour to get from Dublin airport to the coach station for my bus,
I don't think getting lost would be much of a problem.
As in I can afford to get lost and then find my way back within the allocated time limits.

But fgs, I'm going to countries where people speak English!
Don't be such an idiot Vidya.
-_-

Oh yes.
I haven't finished what I wanted to say.

So I have to be up early tomorrow, because I have to go Seremban,
and then I want to come back in time to be able to make it for the 12 o'clock show of MI 4!

I love Tom Cruise.
And I love love love the whole Mission Impossible franchise.

I swear I'm a confused child.
I mean I love rom-coms and Bollywood love stories and Disney fairytales, but dangle an action-flick in front of me and I'll salivate over it just as much as all the boys do.
true story.
Bet I'm not the only girl out there who does that either.
;)

Watched the Zee Cine Awards earlier.
Didn't watch the whole thing,
because my dad was watching some other movie on the Sundance channel before that.
The Journey or something.
About an Indian man who comes to America to live with his son and gets a culture shock ...or something.
You know, one of those movies that doesn't quite have a beginning or an end (or ANY point AT ALL for that matter) and tries to be artsy but actually fails?
yep.
I was paying more attention to the Pirates of the Caribbean game I download on my tab (Y).

Oh yes, and then we switched to the Zee Cine Awards,
and you know how on Astro when you flick through channels really fast sometimes the programme info comes on before the screen actually switches to the channel you want?
So the info came on and I was like "ooh Zee Cine Awards, okay lets watch that"
And then the screen finally switches to the awards programme itself,
and guess who was on my screen?

GUESS WHO?

ALI ZAFARRRRRR!
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

And I had to contain all my emotions because ...well because. I mean my parents were there and everything ok.
I couldn't just jump up and down and go OH MY GOD ALI ON MY SCREEN THIS IS A SIGN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU WONDERFUL MAN OH MY GOD.

...not that I would've done that even if I was alone though.
I mean.
of course not.
psh.

ahem.

Yes so.
Akshay (Kumar) was a wonderful host, he was hilarious. omg.
Really.
He should host everything from now on.

Shah Rukh was being ...Shah Rukh. -_-

Hrithik was adorrrrrbz as ever.

I love Vidya Balan omg.
And its not because she shares my name (okay well thats part of it) but she's just so gorgeous and classy and she doesn't go for all this glamour and stuff and ugh.
I just love her okay.
total girl crush.

And then Best Debut for Male Actor.
They nominated BOTH Ali AND Ranveer!
oh my heart.
And I mean, when Karan (who was announcing the awards...Karan Johar yeah) started going off on his own tangent,
I guess I sorta knew Ranveer was gonna win it,
and I love Ranveer.
I really do.
But.
But.
But.
Ali :(
I mean, I suppose it would've been a long shot to hope for Tere Bin Laden to win anything (eventhough they were nominated alot) but.
:(

My poor bby.

ALI ZAFAR HAD BETTER WIN BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR/BEST ACTOR IN A COMIC ROLE FOR MERE BROTHER KI DULHAN NEXT YEAR OR I WILL KILL SOMEONE.
I SWEAR.
I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER WONDERFUL/EPIC/AWARD-WORTHY MOVIE THEY CAME UP WITH THIS YEAR.

...although I loved Farhan in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and he was hilarious and.

NOOOOOOOOOOO.
ALI MUST WIN.

DON'T LET YOURSELF BE SWAYED, VIDYA.

Or like, give Farhan Best Supporting and Ali Best Comic Role..
.
no wait, it would have to be the other way round.

OR.

omg I don't care I just want him to win something ok.

ok.

Oh wait.
You lot wouldn't know about my Ali Zafar obsession unless you follow me on twitter.

Mai apologeez.

Okay.

This is Ali Zafar.

Pakistani musician (singer), painter, recently-turned Bollywood actor.
He's actually got a long list of credentials which I am faaaaaaaar to lazy to look up right now.
But yeah anyway.

I wuv him. :3

I don't care that he's Pakistani.
I mean.
Race/inter-country politics shouldn't stand in the way of appreciating good talent.

yeh.

Was originally going to post his song, Jhoom, today,
(in accordance with my post-one-Ali-Zafar-song-a-day resolution until I run out of songs I like)
but I stumbled upon this one instead,
and I've had it on repeat,

and well.

Its Christmas!

AND I'M ON HOLIDAY
(seriously you have no idea how happy I am right now)

so yeah.
Happy song!

Well, its actually a rock song but wtv.

F.U.N Fun Fanaa - Ali Zafar

I LOVE ALI ZAFAR'S VOICE I WOULD ONE DAY LIKE TO MARRY IT AND MAKE BABIES WITH OK THXBYE.

I really should go sleep now.

Good night everybody!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Public Holiday!

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

~vid~

Hai.

2011-12-24T18:19:00.003+08:00

So in my attempt to fix my layout while blogging via tablet,

I appear to have messed up the font.

again.

I'm sorry, I'm terribly OCD about what my fonts look like. :/

Maybe one of these days I'll change the template completely.
We've had this one for four years now. o.O

And to think when we started we didn't even think this blog was going to take off properly.

ugh the font though.

It just looks retarded now.

OH OH OH.
BY THE WAY.
I AM ON HOLIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Here is a nice dance-y song to celebrate my start of hols.

I less than three Ali Zafar so much I cannot even begin to explain.. (he's the guy in green by the way)

(also the guy who sang the song but that's just trivia)

In case I'm not in the mood to blog tomorrow,

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

When I have kids I'm going to make Christmas an annual celebration.
I don't care that we're not Christian,

its just nice to believe in Santa Claus and get presents.

~vid~

Another Test Post

2011-12-22T22:36:00.002+08:00

Okay another test post.
Looks like I have to code the html myself. -.-
Not cool, but unfortunately I'm not in the business of forking out money for apps, so...

~vid~

posted from Bloggeroid

Testing

2011-12-22T22:25:00.003+08:00

Hai :D

This is me doing a test post, trying to see if I can blog from my tablet.

mm-hmm.

~vid~

EDIT : aaaargh so apparently I can't edit font, etc on the app. Lemme see if I can download a new app. sigh.

Meltdown

2011-12-18T21:54:00.004+08:00

I think I'm going into a meltdown.

I am this close to losing it.
I can't stand another minute of medicine. I can't.

I don't want to go to uni tomorrow.

I don't want to attend class for the next five days.

I just want to run away right now. Right this minute and leave all of this behind.

I am sick of dealing with people and their bullshit about assignments.

I'm doing my share of the work, why can't you?

Normally I would bear with it, for the sake of maintaining harmony,

but not today.

Fuck you.

Get your own work done.

Don't push it to me.

Other people have things to accomplish too, you're not the all-important one with a busy schedule.

Just. Fuck you.

I am sick of people.

~vid~

The Doctor's Out Tonight

2011-12-18T15:35:00.004+08:00

I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name
like a fool at the top of my lungs
sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright
but it's never enough
cause my echo, echo
is the only voice coming back
my shadow, shadow
is the only friend that I have

(Thanks to Jea Mie for introducing me to this song)

Youtube video of the song because I'm too lazy to load an mp3 file on imeem.
(does imeem still work? I haven't used it in years. ..literally)

Echo - Jason Walker

Also,
another video! This one's a parody, by students from Brown.
Its kinda funny.
I don't know how they go to medschool for 8 years. o.O

The Doctor's Out Tonight - Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University (Med School Parody)

~vid~

.

2011-12-18T15:08:00.001+08:00

I don't know why I bother trying so hard when everyone around me doesn't give a shit anyway.

Angst.

Last emo post for awhile, I promise.

~vid~

Too late

2011-12-18T12:11:00.003+08:00

According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star
you're actually a few million years late.
that star is dead
just like your dreams

Got that excerpt off tumblr, not sure who the original author is.

I'm just in the mood to lounge around and feel sorry for myself.
Don't mind me.

I really just want to go back to bed,
and not have to deal with the world today.

But no, life must go on, and you must be present for it every day. Without fail. For as long as you're alive.
If only we could skip life on certain days the way we skip classes eh?

~vid~

Yet Another Emotional Post

2011-12-18T01:15:00.003+08:00

And the ridiculous post is sidelined yet again.

Might write it later once my assignments are done (if I write it at all. ahem)

There's something that's been bugging me for quite awhile, really.

I feel.

Unloved.

Unimportant.

In my own home.

Its quite sad really.

I come home, all they want me to do is help with the cooking/cleaning/etc etc because thats a girl's job, yeah.
I mean its not like we're living in the 21st century or anything where there's gender equality, right?

And to think, every weekend I run back home just to be able to rest and relax and feel loved.
I don't hate Seremban,
its just that clinical school gets to you sometimes,
and you just want to run back to a sanctuary where people genuinely care for you.

I'm not saying my family doesn't love me,

its just.

They're indifferent, most of the time.

They just don't care.

I can come back home,
completely worn out to the point I'm practically collapsing with sleep,

and they're just like "you want to sleep NOW?"

Or I can be having the worst migraine in the history of the universe,
or an ache in my leg,

or a stomach ache,

or any damn illness really,

and they're just "you're a medical student, you know what medicine to take"

I mean, yes, I DO know what medicine to take,

but I'm human too!

Sometimes all I want is a hug,

or at least a pat on the head,

and some indication that someone cares that I'm not feeling well.

I quote Alex Day : "I just want a cuddle and someone to tell me I've been a brave lil' soldier"

And oddly enough,

nowadays,

the only place I get that from is in Seremban. Back in clinical school, where I'm surrounded by medical people.

They care.

Because they go through the same thing too.

Its like there's a line separating pre-medschool and medschool.
Pre-medschool people cared if I got sick.
But now, nope. You're going to be a doctor, fix yourself.

Just because we're doctors/medical students doesn't mean we're invincible.

We bleed too, same as everyone else.

We hurt physically, too.

And bloody hell, we have emotions too!

And worst of all,

is when you come home all excited from something you've seen/heard in the clinics or the wards,

or some really neat procedure you helped out with or learnt to do,

sometimes you really want to talk about it.

Like "ohmygod I saw my first post-mortem! It was sooooo coooooool!"

(note : Post-mortems are really cool ok)

And no one cares.

They're either horrified,

or they just. don't. care.

Like, oh, you saw what? Oh okay. Cool. Lets talk about something else.

It hurts you know.

It hurts that people tune you out.

It hurts that I can be talking about how we had to give a patient CPR and I can just stop the story halfway and no one realises I haven't finished the story because they've all spaced out.

It hurts that a phone call, a tv show, chopping a fucking carrot can all be more important than your daughter telling you what happened in her life.

And then they complain that I don't tell them anything.

Really?

Maybe I should record our conversations, so you can play them back and realise that you've tuned out half of how my week went.

And its so unfair!

My brother's an engineer,

sometimes he comes back from work all excited about some distillation column or some boiler,

and half the time I have no idea what he's talking about,

but I listen.

I make the effort to actually sit and listen and understand what he's saying.

I ask questions to clarify things I don't get.

Why can't they do that for me?

I'm not speaking Greek here.

I've become so well-versed in layman terms because I have tried so hard to make it simple for my family to understand,

but they don't care.

And my non-medical friends don't care.

It's like I've become some alien being that can only properly communicate with other people in the medical field.

And its not like all of us med students sit around and discuss medicine.

We talk about movies, and music and politics and we bitch about random people,

same as everyone else in every other profession.

We're still normal people.

I'd always wanted to marry an engineer,

because everyone in my family is an engineer, and so I thought at least my future husband would fit in,

and I thought that marrying a doctor would be incredibly boring,

because then your whole life would be all about medicine, at work, at home..

but slowly, I'm beginning to realise the reason why so many doctors end up with doctors,

is because they're the only ones who really get you.

They're the only ones that understand that one some days all you want to do is curl up in bed and shut out the world,

that some days you really don't feel like going out and meeting up with people,

that some days you're going to come back from work excited about something that happened,

that some days you're going to want to sit them down and discuss specialization options.

I'm beginning to think I should marry a doctor, for my own sake.

For the sake of having someone who would both understand and care.

Because I'm slowly becoming invisible to everyone around me.
I'm just "the future doctor"

And that sucks.

~vid~

Evolution

2011-12-17T19:08:00.002+08:00

Just went through some of my earliest posts on the blog,
gosh.
I sounded like a proper idiot back then.

4 years from now, I'm going to read all the posts I wrote this year and think I sounded like a proper idiot now too.

Evolution.

yep.

~vid~

Hurt

2011-12-16T18:39:00.007+08:00

Was originally going to type out a ridiculous post today,
but there's something else I need to get off my chest or my head won't be clear enough to churn out posts worth reading.

I promised myself I wouldn't write about this on here,
or anywhere else, for that matter,
but I need to.
I need to get it out.

You're (and I mean you lot, you readers) probably not going to understand much of this post,
so it's probably better if you stopped reading here.
And so I'm going to put the rest of this post under Read More to save you the trouble of scrolling past it okay?

I don't know why you feel the need to keep on coming after us the way you do.

I am sick of this,
sick of all the emails, and the messages, and the emotional melodrama act that you're putting up for everyone else's benefit.
I haven't replied any of your emails/sms-es, true...so get the hint already!
I think, after everything, I have the right to ignore you and your crap.

I didn't join that event committee for fame or popularity or whatever other stupid reason you've come up with in your head.
I did it for you, you stupid girl. We all did.
You think we'd bother getting involved otherwise??
And when it was all going down the drain, we went out of our way to try and save the whole thing. And how do you react to that?
You accuse us of trying to hijack the whole thing!

No wait. You didn't accuse us.
You accused me.
You were rude to me, to my face, in a cafeteria full of people.
You actually had the gall to bitch about me to my best friend.
You walked around telling people you didn't want to talk to me.

I backed out of the whole mess, I owed it to my pride not to stand there and take your bullshit.

And then what do you do?
You call up random people and cry to them about how your friend abandoned you.
You cry to others about how your friend tried to hijack your event.

And after the whole bloody thing is over,
you delete me off Facebook.
I wouldn't have cared, but you had to send me a message : "Vidya I'm deleting you off facebook for the sake of my sanity"
Wtf?
And you don't stop there, you have to go tell my friends that you've done such a thing so that everybody knows how tormented you are by our "friendship"

And then the messages start.
Messages, emails..

But of course, they're not just to me,
they're also sent to the two other friends you lost when you decided to treat me like shit.

"Can we meet up to try and work things out?"

And if we don't reply, "oh I tried my best"
How about you try saying sorry? For once? Just one bloody time, apologize.

But oh no, you were never in the wrong, were you?

And then you pay me.
You fucking pay me.
For petrol money, for everything I've done for you over the past 1.5 years.
Wtf.
I have never been so insulted in my life.
I never took petrol money from you because I never take petrol money from anybody. Its my thing.
Did you really think I was so cheap that I would calculate how much money went into picking you up and dropping you off just so that one day I could tell you how much you owed me for services rendered?
And if you wanted to clear your conscience, then why pay just me??
Why didn't you pay the boy as well?
He's given you lifts as often as I have.

And then when I return your money, you act like you're the wounded party.
Really?

Just because I don't cry to people,
just because I don't sit and emo or put on a big show,
doesn't mean I don't get hurt.
And it hurts to think this whole friendship might've been a farce.
Were you only friends with me because the boy is my best friend? Because he spends 90% of his time with me?
I'm human too, you know. I hurt too.

And all these messages?
You think I can't see through them? You think I don't know that you're resorting to trying to make friends with me again because that's the only way the boy will talk to you again?

Don't use me.
Don't act as my friend with ulterior motives.

I deserve more than that.

And I've had enough.

Stop with the messages,
stop coming up with new bullshit every week.

Just leave me alone already.

You talk about needing to meet up and talk it out so we can all move on,
well,
newsflash : the rest of us already have.
You're the one who keeps yanking us back into this mess.

So wake up, and stop playing the victim,
and for god's sake,
give us space.

We need some time too, for all the hurt to blow over.

Okay.
Rant over.

~vid~

Waiting..

2011-12-14T20:50:00.004+08:00

...for Episode 6 of OUAT to load.

IT LOADED.
I mean, just now.
IT LOADED,
THEN THIS STUPID VIDEOBB TELLS ME THAT I'VE ALREADY WATCHED 72 MINUTES SO I HAVE TO WAIT AN HOUR.
WHICH IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE I WATCHED EP 5 AT 2PM AND THEN I WENT TO SLEEP SO THAT I COULD COME BACK AND LOAD EP 6 WITHOUT HAVING TO WAIT. UGH. WHY.

12 mins left to wait of the one hour.
I have apparently just spent 48 whole minutes grumbling in my head and staring at my laptop screen.

First week of Ophthalmo is almost over and I haven't actually learnt anything.
And I'm not studying either. I'm either writing random status-es on facebook or blogging here/tumblr in between episodes.
sigh.

We're going to PD tomorrow.
And K.Pilah on Friday.
And the boy isn't coming on Friday.
Normally I wouldn't have cared, but with all this awkwardness going on, its just nicer to have someone one your side around yeah.
I'll just have to be all awkward penguin on Friday by myself.
sighh.
Oh well.
Another week and then 2 whole months away from this trainwreck!

7 minutes to go.

In other news, I wouldn't mind marrying Max George's voice. :3

Oh oh, does anyone want to see my wallpaper?
(laptop wallpaper I mean)

I love love love love this man.
They honestly couldn't have chosen anyone who could play the part of Prince Charming better.

~vid~

Warzone

2011-12-13T17:37:00.002+08:00

I throw my armour down
And leave the battleground
For the final time now
I know I'm running from a warzone

Warzone - The Wanted

askdjsjfhjsdfhafgh Nathan's voice in the beginning.

This song came out sometime ago, really.
The whole album did...sometime in November, I think.

Their music has matured somewhat from the first album. So proud of them :')
Love a couple of other songs on the album as well, haven't got around to listening to all the songs though. :(

Never got around to blogging about it either because I've been so busy.
I can't actually tell you what I've been so busy doing, because in retrospect I haven't been doing much at all,
but it's just the exhaustion and the frustration from the past one and a half years catching up.

Haven't had a proper holiday since September last year,
and lately with all the Diwali Nite drama I've just been forcing myself to wake up everyday and get on with life for the sake of it, and hang in there just a little bit longer until the holidays (ahem...I mean the selectives period *cough cough*)

Less than two weeks left!

Yay!

But then of course I'll spend the whole first week freaking out about the trip to Ireland.
I've never travelled alone in my life..
..no I'm lying, I have...but that was to JB and it was a one hour flight so it doesn't really count ok.
And I've never actually travelled out of Asia before,
so its like my first time ever flying long distance,
and I'm doing it alone.
o.O

Shit.

And I'm transit-ing in Amsterdam and its like holy shit what if I'm late and I miss the next plane or I get lost and don't know which gate to go to or..
I don't know.
I get lost very easily.
:/

And on the flight to Amsterdam...its like a 10 hour flight (I think)...or 13 hours or something.
I would need to pee.
o.o
I have honestly never considered the possibility of having to pee on a plane omg.
What if I don't find the bathroom.
Or.
I don't know.
I don't want to pee on the plane!

:|

AND AND after I land in Dublin omg what if I don't find the baggage reclaim and get stuck there for years,
or what if after I collect my baggage I don't know how to get out of the airport,
or what if I get out of the airport and don't know how to get to the bus station,
or what if I get to the bus station and don't get on the right bus,
or what if.
I don't know.
Can't think of any other worst case scenarios really.

Aaaaaaaaaah.

This is probably the longest blog post I've written in awhile.

I have to blog on Firefox, because seriously, I can NOT fix the font on Chrome.
-_-
But I have to use Chrome for everything else, because the resolution on Firefox sucks.
See.
People in developing countries have first world problems too ok.

I'm actually blogging while waiting for Episode 3 of Once Upon A Time to load.
:D
I'm addicted seriously why are there only seven episodes out so far :(

AND WHY ISN'T THIS WEEK'S HIMYM EPISODE OUT YET.
ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE US WAIT ANOTHER WEEK AFTER THAT HORRIBLE EPISODE LAST WEEK.
I STILL WON'T FORGIVE THEM FOR WHAT THEY DID LAST WEEK OMG WHY DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT SO BLOODY SADDDDDD ARGH.

On another note,
I had no idea The Offspring sang Pretty Fly For A White Guy!

I think their music is growing on me :p

Andddd..yeah I've run out of things to rant on about.
I had more to say, really (I always have more to say) but I can't remember what I wanted to say.

oh well.

If I remember then you guys get another blog post! :D

(cheh wah like as though I'm some celeb blogger than people wait for new posts from me pfft)

OH AND I AM SO UPSET THAT I DIDN'T GET TO GO FOR RICHARD MARX'S CONCERT IN GENTING ON SUNDAY.
AAAAAAAAAAH.

Seriously.
I grew up listening to my brother play Right Here Waiting and Now and Forever on the piano.
Since I was like 4.
Mention Richard Marx, and I remember my childhood. :3

AND THEN THE MAN FREAKING COMES TO MALAYSIA AND I CAN'T GO BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO SAVE MONEY FOR IRELAND.
WHY.
WHYYYY.

:(

Alright, this really is it.
Toodles~!

~vid~

Once Upon A Time

2011-12-13T00:53:00.003+08:00

Oh my god.

Watched the first episode of Once Upon A Time...

...

...

...I LIKE IT.

I REALLY LIKE IT.

Dammit now I'm going to be more distracted than ever.

Paige, if you're reading this, thank you for recommending!
I'm hooked :p

~vid~

You're not real

2011-12-07T00:44:00.001+08:00

WHY IS THIS WEEK'S EP OF HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER SO SAD!?
WHYYYY.

They made us wait one extra week for this ep and they made it so sadddddd!
:'(

ESPECIALLY THE END WHEN SHE GOES "YOU'RE NOT REAL"

WHAT.
NO.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

I am going to cry myself to sleep now ok bye.

~vid~

p.s. Corey Gray's voice is pure sex.

emotions

2011-12-04T16:49:00.001+08:00

Allenge avalku endara iron cheyanne?

Every fucking weekend I keep house for you, and the one weekend where I'm losing my mind you can't iron a few extra clothes?

ugh.
Anger.
Frustration.
I need to scream.

~vid~

Eye-deep

2011-12-04T14:38:00.000+08:00

Can we just cancel this whole trip?

I am this close to breaking down and crying.
But that wouldn't solve anything at all, would it?

~vid~

Of weddings

2011-11-29T00:17:00.004+08:00

In other news,

I am marrying Ranveer Singh..

...who obviously approves of this idea..

...and you are all invited to our wedding kthxgoodnight.

(P.S PRAY I DON'T FAIL CLS TOMORROW.)

~vid~

Of pythons and elephants.

2011-11-28T23:54:00.004+08:00

Actual quote from our CLS manual, verbatim.

The normal capnogram has the outline of an elephant swallowed by a python.

Yeah-huh.

On another note, took the stupid pre-test for the CLS thats on e-learning.
Got 30%.
BECAUSE none of the answers to the questions are actually in the manual.
Not in any one of the 73 freaking pages.

Passing mark is 80% though.

Excellent.

~vid~

Equal and Opposite

2011-11-28T15:21:00.003+08:00

I saw leaves falling to the ground today and they were backlit by the sun, and I thought that it might just be the most beautiful thing I have yet seen, and I tried to find a line or word around which I could base a poem. But nothing came. And I kept watching the leaves and thinking about the utter perfection of every piece of that moment but still I couldn't find the words. And finally I decided it was a good thing maybe, to not have words sometimes, because we don't live in words, but in paper cuts and water bottles and fingerprints; in orgasms and rust and loneliness and mirrors and dirty laundry. So I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sun and breathed in and then out again because that's how those things go you know. Equal and opposite.

I don't know where that excerpt is from, but it's beautiful.

And now I really must get back to attempting to study the CLS manual.
Key word : attempting.

Meh.
Life.
Always gets in the way of stopping to smell the roses.
(not that I would bother stopping to smell the roses if I didn't have studying to do)

Oh the irony.

~vid~

End

2011-11-28T15:13:00.002+08:00

Its been such a long year.

Just end.

Funny isnt it, how we think everything is just going to magically become better after the New Year.
Like you're finally going to be able to turn the last page of a horrible chapter and move on to a new one.

Life doesn't work like that, though, does it?

A chapter doesn't end until you move on from everything that's been holding you back in one place.
Just because the year ends doesn't mean the frustration does.

I have so much to write,
and no time to organise my thoughts into sentences that actually make sense.

This week.
I'll get it all out this week.

~vid~

Temper

2011-11-21T00:08:00.002+08:00

Breathe in,
breathe out.

Count to ten.

I can handle this without losing my temper.

~vid~

I'm back! (and so is my laptop)

2011-11-20T18:35:00.003+08:00

I have been abandoning this blog again.
Sigh. :(

Been so hectic these past few weeks, plus I've gotten my Samsung tablet,
so makes more sense to go check facebook and twitter on that instead of switching my laptop on.
Not as fun to blog on tablet though, which explains why I haven't been blogging.

Diwali Nite is over.

Finally.

FINALLY.

Ugh so much drama.

Won't talk about all that today. Might talk about it sometime later on, or maybe not at all.
We'll see.

I just kept having so many "I-told-you-so" moments in the last week leading up to Diwali Nite it wasn't even funny.
And it hurt a little bit that the lecturers didn't turn up.

Nor the HTJ staff.

Although come to think of it, I'm not sure the people from HTJ were properly invited, but that's a whole different story.
The lecturers not turning up was kind of upsetting though...its like damn syok sendiri, we went to so much effort to put up the whole show...for ourselves.

Finally got my laptop back,

all my files have been renamed as "Recovered File" and is stored in my D drive.
Its going to be hell sorting through all that and seeing what is what.

Oh well.

Gotta be done.

Would've continued using my mum's laptop, but now that one's conged out instead.

Whoops.

Hate how the resolution on Firefox changes after you reformat though.
Oh well.

We move on to Google Chrome then!
Kind of sad. I miss Firefox.

Well yes,

this was an obligatory update post.

I will try to blog more during the week.

Lots of emotional crap I need to get of my system (again).

I seem to be doing this quite constantly, eh?

Have emotional crap...vomit it all out on the blog.

Oh well, at least its a cheap form of therapy.

~vid~

Annoyance.

2011-11-13T21:42:00.004+08:00

Feel like blocking certain people on facebook.

There are two posts right at the top of my newsfeed and they're annoying the hell out of me.

No.

I can deal with this like an adult.

I can ignore a few stupid facebook posts.

Yes, I can.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Count to ten.

I will not let this affect me.

~vid~

Silver Linings

2011-11-13T04:31:00.003+08:00

Even in all this mess,
through all this hurt,
there's still a silver lining.

I have wonderful friends.
I really do.
People who will stand by me, and take my side and be there for me no matter what.
Throughout everything.

It's amazing to suddenly wake up and realise that you have a support system.
A very solid support system that you can turn to when you really need it.

I'm not Miss Popularity,
and I may not have 10192931238 friends,
but at least I know for sure that the few that I do have are genuine.

I love you people so so much.

~vid~

Hurt.

2011-11-13T01:52:00.002+08:00

I don't think I've ever been so badly hurt in my life.

Actually, I probably have,
but its always the first few hours of raw emotional hurt that really gets to you.

Sleep on it Vidya.
Tomorrow will be a better day.

~vid~

Feelings.

2011-11-01T00:12:00.004+08:00

So apparently Mr Houseman has now become an MO.

And is posted in....

...
...
...
...

..
...Seremban.

Wasted je all my efforts berdrama about him leaving.
psh.
-.-

Today was my first day at A&E (I did on-call okay) and I HATE it kthxbai.

~vid~

SAQs

2011-10-27T19:17:00.002+08:00

So.

There's an exam tomorrow.
Well, actually there are three exams, an hour-long each, spaced out between 8am and 3.30pm.
Because IMU simply excels at scheduling things.
Really.

Am I prepared for them?
Hell, no.

Am I freaking out?
Very much so, yes.

And am I studying?
...erm. I haz a headache? :(

How on earth did they even let me into IMU oh my god.

~vid~

Weight

2011-10-27T00:35:00.002+08:00

WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE SO ANNOYING OMG.

I've recently started running again.
Because I'm trying to lose weight.

I honestly don't know how I let myself go so much.
I HAVE BECOME SO FAT NOW OK.
Yes.
I think I put on close to 10kg or something.
Over the course of the past 3 years la, BUT STILL.

So anyway,
we've recently started going to the gym again (I've mentioned this before) and that helps with the motivation bit of it right?

Anyway,
was talking to a friend earlier, and was griping about how much I'd eaten today.

Its Diwali!
There's so much fooooood!

And I was all like omg I ate like a pig I'll have to run extra tomorrow.

And she's all "why are you so self-conscious?"

.
.
.

Excuse me.

Then she goes on about how she doesn't understand why I want to lose weight,
and how many sizes I want to go down (wtf you don't ask people things like that),
and whether it would be economical to lose weight since I would have to buy new clothes.

I'm pretty much wtf-ing at every sentence by now..

...and then she goes like what about your winter clothes for Dec?

And I'm like I bought them already.

And she actually actually asks me, which size, current or new?

WTF.
WTF.

PEOPLE BUY WINTER CLOTHES CAN BUY LOSE A BIT RIGHT. NO NEED WEAR SUPER FITTING WINTER COAT AND WALK AROUND RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH MY WANTING TO LOSE WEIGHT HUH?

I don't get people.

Girls.

They can be super-freaking skinny, and all you have to do is tell them
"oh hey, I'm trying to lose weight"
and they go all bonkers on you and freak out and then try to lose weight themselves.

Psycho ke?

Of course this doesn't apply to all girls la. (don't get offended for no reason ok)

I mean, I want to lose weight, my problem la kan?
Am I not allowed to try and work towards a size I can be happy with?

ugh.

Some people. -_-

~vid~

Rant

2011-10-22T22:47:00.002+08:00

Wasn't going to post on here,
because I'm still using my mum's laptop, and the font is still crap on Google Chrome,

but quick rant :

So I was talking to my friend about what to do if a patient came in with migraine
(seeing as the previous fam med group got this question for EOP)

and I list out a few things, and then I'm like "what else do we have to rule out? I can't think of anything else"

And aforesaid friend goes "Oh. Alot of things to rule out for migraine la"

.
.
.

And I'm waiting, and she's not saying anything else.
It wasn't an opening statement for a discussion, it was just a statement.

Oh.
Got alot of things.

LIKE NO. SHIT.
PEOPLE ASKING YOU NICELY RIGHT.

Ugh!
Geram!

~vid~

Updaaaaaaaate!

2011-10-16T02:56:00.010+08:00

So as you all know (actually you wouldn't know because I haven't mentioned it yet) my laptop crashed on Wednesday,
...which, incidentally was when I finally sat down to do my EBM!
...but yeah, got it done on my mum's laptop,
and I've pretty much hijacked her laptop til mine decides to stop fucking pms-ing.

Probably will get it reformatted this week since I'm at home for GP Posting.
NOT looking forward to that.
The GP posting I mean...granted its only 8-1 everyday, but. ugh. yeah. not really excited about it or anything.

I actually tried posting something on the blog couple of days back,

but somehow I couldn't edit the font (it was really huge) so it looked like I was shouting on the blog.
Which was weird.
So deleted that post.

Not sure if any of you saw that during the 5 mins that it was up on the blog.

Praying that I can edit the font on this one, because I'm not going to delete it after typing all this out,

so its just going to sit there and look retarded.

yep.

I love love love Alex Day *insert less than three here*

So.

uhm.

Confession time.

Well not really.

I just want to rant to someone,

but can't think of anyone who would consider this important enough to listen,

so I'm just going to type it all out here and pray no one from IMU reads this because it would totally affect my *cough* image.

I don't know why I was expecting something phenomenal to happen on my birthday,

(okay okay fine, something phenomenal to happen in my love life, but yeah..)

but.

well.

it didnt.

So that was sort of anticlimatic.

Like, the birthday just came and went, yeah.

And it was my 21st.

If that isn't an indication of how fucking sad my life is, then I don't know what is.

But yeah yeah, anyway,

so Diwali Nite is coming up, and I'm pretty heavily involved (because I have nothing better to do with aforesaid sad life of mine...lets just pretend EOP isnt week after next)
and I don't know why, but I've sort of had this hope that Mr Houseman would be attending and...I don't know, something would finally fucking happen!
Like you know, he would do something more than just glare and/or smirk arrogantly in my direction (because hes a git I don't know why I have a crush on him really he's so stupid)

I apparently don't know alot of things.

And now, apparently (I need to expand my vocab, srsly) he's leaving.

For good.

Because his housemanship is ending.

Did I mention he was a Senior HO? If not I'm mentioning it now. ok.

So yeah.

Its ending, he's leaving, Diwali Nite is a whole fucking month away,

so he probably wont be here for that,

and then nothing will happen,

and it will be such a fucking anticlimax,

and oh god. He's leaving.

For good.

That is not fucking fair!

WHY MUST THEY ALL LEAVE? WHY?

Right so its 3am, and I've got to be up at 7 to learn how to make Idly (of all things ugh) so it would be perfect timing for me to go wallow in self-pity on my bed until I fall asleep.

yesh.

On a completely irrelevant note,
I need a new facebook profile picture.
Finally changed it, but the only decent one I can find is one in which I look like a sleepy teddy bear (according to Rachel...well, she said I looked like a teddy bear, the sleepy is of my own admission)

Yesh.

He's leaving, you guys, he's leaving!

Sigh ok bye.

~vid~

Pumped Up Kicks

2011-10-09T21:56:00.002+08:00

I've got this song stuck in my head, thanks to Tyler Ward.

Pumped Up Kicks - Tyler Ward and Crew (Foster the People cover)

If you bother to listen to the lyrics, its quite a creepy song.
But it sounds so happifying you can't help but sing along.
:/

AND THEY LOOK SO HAPPY IN THE VIDEO. :3

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, faster than my bullet

Got it on repeat now.

~vid~

I don't...

2011-10-09T01:00:00.002+08:00

...understand how people can find Pitbull not sexy.

Okay, granted I didn't know what the dude looked like until a couple of weeks ago,
and I had no idea half the songs I listened to were sung by him,

but oh my god.

How can people know what he looks like and NOT find him sexy?

Seriously?

I'll admit his songs are awfully racy,
(and the videos even more so)
and I'll admit I'm usually not a huge fan of such songs,

but

dude.

HIS VOICE.
Half the time I don't even pay attention to the lyrics omg, because his voiceeeee is so unfuckingbelievably sexy.

And his EYES (which you don't get to see half the time because he's always got those shades on)

And

oh my god.

The man is practically sex on legs.

So the whole point of this post was to let the world know that I find Pitbull incredibly sexy and that I would like to marry him immediately,
failing which,
I would very much like to marry his voice and have babies with it ok thank you for reading bye.

~vid~

Pointless update

2011-10-05T01:48:00.001+08:00

OMG KAL PENN ON HIMYM!!

Okay, if he ends up dating Robin,
then Barney can go ahead and marry that Nora woman.

KAL PENN YOU GUYS, KAL PENN!

KUMARRR!

I love him ok bye.

~vid~

21

2011-10-03T23:52:00.002+08:00

So it says 12.04 on my watch, and only one person has wished me so far...

...so what the heck.
I'm going to wish myself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!

I'M FINALLY 21!

Please do not wrongly assume that you will begin to see more serious, sombre posts on this blog now that I have become an adult.
I happen to have Peter Pan Syndrome.

Booyeah!

I shall go sleep now.
wheeeeeeee~

~vid~

Present #1

2011-10-03T20:10:00.005+08:00

Disclaimer :
The photos in this post are brought to you courtesy of my horrendous photo-taking skills and the crappy quality of my phone camera.
Not a good combination, yo.
(so let's just ignore how horrible they are, and focus on whats in them ok?)

GUESS WHAT MY MUM GOT ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AND ITS THE ONE WITH SEAN BEAN ON THE COVER TOO!
(well, that decision has been taken out of my hands)
AND ITS THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER BOOKS WITH THE ORIGINAL COVERS SO EVEN IF I CHOOSE TO BUY THE OTHER BOOKS, THEY'LL ALL BE THE SAME SIZE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I am so excited right now!

She also bought me two cookbooks.
I have no idea why.

Pointedly ignoring the hint there.

ahem.

~vid~

I want chocolate

2011-10-02T17:08:00.003+08:00

I want chocolate.

I am THIS close to getting my period, but I don't know why it just won't come, and it's driving me crazy because I am in so much freaking pain, and it's raining outside and that's making me gloomier than ever because I'm one of those idiots whose moods depend on the weather and ugh it's already Sunday and the stupid fam med posting starts tomorrow and I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO SEREMBAN and I'm freaking out because I have this odd feeling that my 21st birthday is going to be my worst one yet and

DAMMIT. I JUST WANT CHOCOLATE. NOW.

GO GET ME MY CHOCOLATE, MINION!

Someone get me a minion for my birthday pls k thx.

In other news, I'm done with my work!
Which means I can grab a hot water bottle and curl up in my blanket and go to sleep and dream of chocolate.

So much pain, oh my god.

~vid~

Birthday Wishlist

2011-10-02T14:20:00.008+08:00

Another thing I hate...

(since I'm in angsty-teen mode today)

...is people asking me what I want for my birthday.

Makes me a huge hypocrite to be honest, because when someone else's birthday comes around,
first question I ask is "eh what you want for your birthday ah?"
Easier to ask people what they want, so that you don't go too far off target when planning to get a present.

But the reason I hate it when people ask me what I want, is because,
honestly,
I don't know what I want that I haven't already got.

Either that, or I'd be wanting something ridiculously expensive that I cannot possibly tell someone to buy for me,
simply because it would be too ridiculous a request to make (like the time I wanted Shahid for my birthday).
Or because its something I want to buy for myself.

I like giving myself presents.

Its very rewarding.

*ahem*

But anyway,
since I'm really bored,
and since my cousin brought this up,
(also I still haven't started on those learning issues!)

Let me present my Birthday Wishlist.

Starting off with practical things that I want.
(but not necessarily want someone to buy for me)

1. A Song of Ice and Fire - A Game of Thrones.

I still can't decide whether I want the book with Sean Bean on the cover, or whether I want the original cover.
It would be so freaking awesome to have Sean Bean, but what if I really like the books, and I want to buy the next few books, and they still have the original covers, because the other seasons haven't come out yet, and then my first book would stand out so horribly against the other books because the cover art wasn't the same (I have OCDs with book cover arts being cohesive also ok).
Original cover it is.
But but but...Sean Bean! sigh.

2. A T-Shirt with the Winterfell sigil.

I don't care that I'm supposed to be in Targaeryn, I'm still a Stark at heart ok.
(no, if you don't watch Game of Thrones and/or stalk me obsessively on facebook, you're not going to get this)

3. The Man United away kit for this season.

LOOK AT IT. LOOK. HOW COULD I NOT WANT THIS IN MY WARDROBE.
I want a Giggsy one. GIGGS 11.
How freaking awesome would that be?

4. Boots.

My old ones (which I've had since Form 1) fell apart sometime last year, and everyone refuses to buy me new boots.
Its not like I have enough funds to go buy myself a pair (all the ones I like are horribly expensive and I refuse to walk around in cheap boots that I don't like).

5. A big squishy teddy bear.

So I can bury my head in it and hug it and sleep on it when I'm sick of dealing with people and need to hug something to make myself feel better.

6. A DVD Box Set of the last 3 Star Wars movies.

I have the first three, also in a Box Set, but never quite got around to buying the second Box Set of the last three movies - A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Return of The Jedi.
Shame, though.
The Return of The Jedi is by far my favourite of the six.

Can't think of anything else very practical, so..

7. A Lamborghini.

Self-explanatory, this one.

8. A Ned Stark.

Yeah, you need to watch Game of Thrones to get this one, too.

9. Longclaw, or Ice.

(those are the names of the swords)
It would just be insanely cool to own swords okay.
Don't deny it.

10. (just to round it up)

...I can't think of anything. :O

- end of wishlist-

No, but really,
all I want is for my parents to repair my watch.
Think I wrote about it couple of weeks back...I need to get the motor/engine/wtvitscalled repaired, and that might cost quite a bit.
I don't actually care if I get nothing else for my birthday, I just want that watch repaired.
Its old and its not much to look at, but I've had it since forever, and I love it and I want it back.
I'm big on sentimental value.

I don't really want anything else for my birthday.

I'd rather the birthday didn't come, to be honest.

:/

~vid~

Book Care

2011-10-02T12:13:00.003+08:00

Right,
so I'm supposed to be writing my learning issues now,
but there's a bit of turmoil I have to get out of my system before I can properly settle down to work.

The sister-in-law happened to borrow a story book of mine yesterday.

Okay.

First off (and I'm going to sound like a right bitch saying this) I DO NOT LIKE people borrowing my story books.
When I buy my books, I spend hours in the bookstore picking out a copy that
doesn't have even the teeniest bit of damage on the cover,
isn't dog eared,
isn't made out of recycled paper,
doesn't have creases anywhere.
I basically fuss and nitpick until I find an absolutely perfect copy, or I walk out of the store and buy the book somewhere else.
I kid you not.
Its the same reason I haven't bought my Game of Thrones book yet, because Popular had only two absolutely rubbish copies, and I'd rather wait and find a good copy instead of buying one I wouldn't be happy with, eventhough I'm dying to read the series.

And when I read my books, I make sure I hold them just right,
so that I don't get any creases on the spine of the book.
Creases on the spine annoy the fuck out of me.
I don't know why it does, but it does.
I simply cannot have any creases on my books.
And no dog ears.
I hate it when people fold the page of a book to mark where they last stopped reading.

Which is precisely why I don't lend my books out to people.
When I explain that they have to hold it just so, so as not to spoil the spine, they stare at me like I've gone bonkers,
and then they proceed to open the book so far wide to read that the spine gets all messed up anyway.
I cannot begin to explain how angry that makes me okay.
If I could set them on fire for doing that to my books, I would.

AND

It annoys me TO NO END out of me when people borrow my books WITHOUT ASKING.

Where the fuck are your manners?
Its MY book.
ITS MINE.
Its not like I can say no if you ask me point blank if you could borrow the book (although I wouldn't be happy about it) because it would be rude to refuse.
It's just basic politeness to ask.
Don't fucking take my books and read them without asking me.

Even when my little cousins come around, and want to borrow my books when I'm off in Seremban or somewhere else,
my mother tells them they can't do it unless they ask me first.
Even via sms is fine omg.
But at least ask.

Fuck, even my mother doesn't borrow my books without asking me first.

I was so so so mad yesterday when I walked down and found my sister-in-law reading MY book
(and she was holding it wide enough to crease the spine too)
WITHOUT my permission!

I don't give a fuck that you're older,
or that you're married to my brother.
It's still my fucking book.

And now the spine is all creased.
And I can't tell her off because it would be rude and I'd get yelled at for it.
And she's going to borrow my other books and read without asking because she got away with it this time.
And...I want to cry.

It just seems so unfair when you take such good care of something, and someone comes along and spoils it all.

I cried when my cousin borrowed my Sherlock Holmes book and returned it with the cover bent in one corner and the paper covering all folded everywhere.

Its just so unfair.

Just because you don't consider your books as precious as I do mine,
doesn't give you the right to come mess up my books.

I take such good care of other people's books when I borrow them,
it just isn't fair that people don't take immaculate care of mine.

My teddy bears and my books.
Two things that I absolutely loathe for people to touch without my permission.

I don't know why people just don't seem to get it.

Get your paws off my things!

~vid~

Almost there

2011-10-02T02:31:00.002+08:00

YAY!
Just left with learning issues!
(I SHALL wake up early tomorrow morning, and I SHALL finish those learning issues before lunch)

I also shall go sleep now.
ahem.

At some point during this week, I shall attempt to blog about something substantial ok?

(shall is my new fav word btw)

Oh, and since my Internet has suddenly decided to work just fine, just as I'm about to go to sleep,
let me just end this post by telling you...
...I lost 2 kg!
HAH.

I don't know why it was imperative that you lot knew that.

yep.

OH OH AND ITS MY BIRTHDAY IN TWO DAYS!
SOMEONE STOP TIMEEEEEE!
I DONT WANT TO BE AN ADULT YET!

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

~vid~

Astronaut

2011-10-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

Can anybody hear me?
Or am I talking to myself?
My mind is running empty
In this search for someone else
Who doesn't look right through me
Its all just static in my head
Can anybody tell me why
I'm lonely like a satellite?

I've just realised Vivek Oberoi doesn't have a good jiwang movie.
Been wanting to watch something jiwang (lovey-dovey/mushy/etc etc) with him in it, and the only ones I can think of are Kisna or Kyun! Ho Gaya Na, both of which aren't great.

I think the only movies he's really good in are the ones where he plays gangsters.

:|

Internet currently pms-ing so I'll stop this post here, before it completely goes off, and I can't publish it.
Shall do my case summary and report now, since I drank a whole cup of coffee and I can't sleep and I have no Internet to relieve my boredom.

roar.

~vid~

Harmless Fun

2011-09-30T01:41:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I may indulge in ~~a lot~~ a bit of wishful thinking ~~all the time~~ every now and then,
but even I'm not stupid enough to let myself believe anything serious is going to come out of this.

Nothing wrong with a bit of harmless fun though right?

~~I can't help it ok I'm awfully bored at 2am and I can't sleep. :(~~

~vid~

Parade

2011-09-29T20:09:00.001+08:00

Happy la you today.

For what?

There got people parade for you just now what.

Parade? ...OH omg you saw that too?

Ya la. Must walk in front of you, then dunno go stand there for what...did he take anything? I don't think he took anything. Just simply went and stood there.

I don't think he took anything either. Purposely la the fella.

Thats why la. Parading la tu.

Ya hor! He was totally parading!

And for your benefit summore. Happy anot?

...Yes.

Very happy?

Very happy.

And then he gives me this half-disguted, half-amused look, the one he saves for occasions like this.
Can't blame the boy, for three-quarters of a year I was serious and sensible and stable.
Then suddenly the balance shifts, and I'm reduced to a lovesick moron.
And being my best friend, he has to put up with it.
Which he does, excellently.

BUT OMG MR HOUSEMAN TOTALLY PARADED TODAY.
HAH.
Stupid short boy.

Lovesick moron was an apt phrase to describe myself, no?

~vid~

Gym!

2011-09-28T21:53:00.002+08:00

Went to the gym today!
(the Gym Rakyat in town) and it felt so goooood while I was working out, and I was just all happy and relaxed,
and then now omgggg my calves hurt like a bitch.
Must have been the endorphins masking the pain earlier, making me feel that I was superwoman enough to do more than I should have done on my first day back to gym-ming.
ugh.

Horribly sleepy as well, but its too early to go to sleep and then wake up tomorrow morning.

Roar!

No one online either. psh.

I am dying here, having to watch one episode of How I Met Your Mother a week!
They should just release them all together!
Or like every day!
Or something. gaaaaah.
At this rate, it'll be January before we get to see who Barney marries!

(my money's on Robin btw I DONT CARE WHAT THE REST OF YOU SAYYYY)

Season 2 of Game of Thrones comes out next April...which sucks EVEN MORE.
Because next April I'll be in Sem 9!
Which means I should devote my time and energy to studying instead of watching this horribly intriguing drama series.

*wails*

yesh.
End of pointless post thank you for reading k bye.

~vid~

Monday

2011-09-27T01:00:00.001+08:00

Came home from class today all gung-ho and ready to revise musculoskeletal tumours...

...only to fall asleep.

...and then wake up and read fanfiction for the next 3 hours.

I fail at life. So much.
:/

Saw Dato' Siva again today.
I swear I'm just fated to run into him all the time.
Didn't say anything sarcastic to me today though (first!), but he did say Jovann looked a salesman trying to hoodwink people into buying drugs.
GAHAHAHA.
He's actually quite funny when the joke isn't on you.
*wipes eyes*
He's becoming alot nicer to me nowadays...might explain why it rained so heavily just now. :O

Saw Mr Houseman again today!
omg.
I need to learn how to laugh like a proper lady or something. I sound like a witch, which is probably the most unattractive sound in the world,
and which also would probably be a major turn-off considering how the lot of us were sitting at his table and laughing our heads off today.
At lunch.
(we sat at the same table! ...but being the git I am, I had to pointedly ignore his pretty face. psh.)

I swear it feels like I'm 13 again, having a giddy high-school crush on a senior.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

ok bye.

~vid~

Ossification

2011-09-25T15:22:00.002+08:00

I started my life with a single absolute : that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard no matter how long or hard the struggle.
~Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

At a crossroads again.
Sighhh.

And I hate doing presentations. I think I've done more seminars in the past one week that I have in my whole life.
-__-
I still can't believe we're paying them 30, 000 a semester to teach ourselves.

Gah.

A Libran alone is a sad thing indeed, not to mention unnatural. They need to connect with others.

Sad, but terribly, terribly true.

Aih.
Back to my presentation! ...or I'll end up pulling an all-nighter just to get it done.
Don't fancy driving back half-asleep. I've done that enough times to never want to do it again.

ROAR!

yesh.

~vid~

And lightning strikes

2011-09-24T01:08:00.004+08:00

How many times do I fly through your head space?

I know that it's a little bit frightening
We might as well be playing with lightning

I saw him yesterday!
He's still here!

I'd been having doubts about whether that whole crush was just caused by exam-stress, and I hadn't seen him in over a month,
and it ached a little bit, but I figured that it was just out of habit,
and that it was probably the stress that precipitated it all.

And then I saw him yesterday.

Walked into the cafe, and there was this group of houseman sitting at the far end,
and normally I would have barely have glanced at them,
but this time I did take a good look,
and there was this one guy facing away from me, and the back of his head just looked incredibly familiar,
and oh my god. I was so sure it was him!

But unfortunately, Jovann wasn't around (Jovann being the only one who knows about this crush) and so I couldn't squeal out my discovery to him.
psh.
And I wanted to squeal so badly too, I was all kinds of happiness yesterday!

But yes, so I just got my food, and went and sat down quietly with everybody else,
at the end furthest from him,
facing away from him,
so that I wouldn't lose my cool and give everything away.
I don't know how I was so sure that it was him just by the back of his head, but I was.

And after awhile, the whole group walks past us (because they'd finished lunch),
and it WAS him!
It was it was it was!
I nearly squealed out loud at that point too!

And then he turned, and saw me, and started,
and stayed.

And I all but died in bliss.

But the point is he's here.
He's still bloody here.

And I still have feelings for him.

And there's no stress to blame right now.
This is for real.

Oh dear.

~vid~

Intimidating

2011-09-21T00:29:00.001+08:00

What Do Your Eyes Say About You?

Result: You are intimidating.

If you want to get your way, just flash that level, intense, steely gaze. Maybe there's a tone of voice or hand gesture to go with it, but your eyes do the heavy lifting here. People know what you're thinking when you give them The Look, and they're worried what you might do. Let 'em worry. That should be enough.

AHAHAHA.
Indeed.

Right. Back to ~~watching my movie~~ work!

~vid~

ahem.

2011-09-18T18:09:00.000+08:00

I love Bobby Flay.

That is all.

~vid~

Rage

2011-09-18T12:54:00.003+08:00

The force of my temper surprises me sometimes.

Its the little things -always the little things- that set me off.

And its not a slow, bubbling anger that takes time to reach its peak;
its more of a sudden crashing wave of madness that takes over my entire being.
The kind of anger that makes you want to lash out and hurt something.
To create some sort of violence just for the sake of appeasing the demon that suddenly burst out of its cage.

Seeing red.
That's what it's called isn't it?

The only reason I attempt to practise self-control now is because the last time I lost it,
I kicked my cupboard and broke the door.

And my mother refused to replace it because it was my fault and I'd have to live with the consequences of losing my temper so violently.
Not much fun living with broken furniture once your anger dies off.

~vid~

I hate assignments

2011-09-18T03:11:00.003+08:00

So I was supposed to finally start on my case summary/report today,
so that I could tie up all the loose ends tomorrow.

No wait.
I was supposed to start them yesterday,
and finish them today.
Today being Sunday and all.

*bangs forehead on desk...repeatedly*

Actually sat in front of my laptop at 11pm,
and now its 3.15am, and all I've done so far is read fanfiction.
I don't even have MS Word open yet.

Dammit.

Bearing in mind that I had Thursday off, and Friday was a holiday.

I have serious issues with procrastination.

Hate the Ortho timetable.
Who the fuck puts a CP, Seminar AND TBL on the first day of the bloody posting?

In other news,
sometime in the past week Dato' Siva decided I looked like a lecturer and admonished me on my manners.
I had no idea if the lecturer jibe was a compliment or not, so how on earth would I know I was meant to thank him for it?

Gah.
Does anyone else have weird run-ins with him like this?

~vid~

Game of Thrones

2011-09-17T01:12:00.003+08:00

The series which gives in to my love of made-up fantasy worlds and period drama.

I could do without the nudity,
but it isn't vulgar enough to detract from the storyline, thankfully.

Didn't think I'd get so addicted to it though, only started watching because it was 10 episodes long,
but I've been pushing aside all my work just to keep watching.

Watched 4 episodes on Tuesday itself! (which was when I started watching it)

Finally finished watching the last episode today and cried through most of it.

Thankfully they've already started filming the second season.

It would be awfully weird watching a Game of Thrones without Sean Bean (I think his character has to be my favourite) and without that guy who plays Kahl Drogo.
:(
And (this series is based on George Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire btw) I went to look up the books on Wikipedia, and the synopsis for the first book implies that Robb Stark might die too!
NOOOO.
WHY DOES HE KEEP KILLING OFF THE STARK FAMILY! I LOVE THEM! HE CAN'T KILL ALL OF THEM OFF! :'(

Gotta start reading the books though.

Not sure if its a good idea to do both...read the books and watch the series,
but I've heard no complaints so far from anyone else who's done the same.
Although they do say the book is full of sex. ....But its a good story!
Maybe I'll buy the first book and read that first before jumping right into buying all 5 books one shot.

I freaking love this series.
New season had better come out soon.

And now I'm going to cry some more for Ned Stark.
I'm still upset that they killed him.
And the Kahl.
Such a rubbish plot! They kill off all the good people!

Still love it though.

On another note, saw Shanghai Knights again today,
and I was wondering why on earth the guy who plays Lord Rathbone looks so freaking familiar, and then I realised he plays Lord Baelish in GoT!
Whaaaaaaat.
Handsomer in GoT though.

yep.

brb going into mourning for all the dead characters and the fact that I've finished the first season ok bye.

~vid~

p.s. HOW DID I NOT LOVE SEAN BEAN IN LoTR!? oh yeah. He's the traitor. oops.

Percy Jackson #2

2011-09-12T01:30:00.003+08:00

Logan Lerman is the cutest, most adorable thing to exist since golden retriever puppies omg.
HOW IS HE SO ADORABLE.

AND WHY. WHY. WHYYYYYY. MUST HE BE YOUNGER THAN ME.

WHY.

THIS IS SO UNCOOL.

I actually liked the movie,
was considering starting to read the books, but apparently the movie didn't stay true to the books, and so they're not making a second movie.

a) WHY ARE THEY NOT MAKING A SECOND MOVIE HES SO CUTE AS PERCY JACKSON.

b) If they're too far off from the books, then I'd rather not read them.

It actually is awfully frustrating when movies don't follow the books, especially if the movie is taken quite well,
because then you'd love the books,
and you'd hate the movie because it didn't stick to the details, but you'd love the movie for being good, and then you'd just be torn between the two.

Seriously.

Like the Harry Potter movies were pretty awesome,

but it will forever annoy me that Peeves never made an appearance,
and that Voldemort is alot less evil than hes supposed to be,
and that Michael Gambon is such a horrible Dumbledore,
and that the Centaurs really look quite awful,
and Umbridge is far too pretty to look toad-like,

and.
yeah.
The list could go on a bit more.

This is also why I would totally die if they made a movie version of Artemis Fowl.

On a different note,
we have a seminar this Tuesday, so I told my groupmates to send in their slides latest by Monday afternoon...

...which normally means that they'd send it in by Monday night.

Normally.

This time, two of them have already sent me their slides and I'm not even started on my own.

I'm not used to having such efficient group mates.
:O

yesh.

I'm going to go dream of Logan Lerman now.

Oh my god I'm developing pedophilic tendencies.

~vid~

Percy Jackson #1

2011-09-11T01:29:00.003+08:00

Recording Percy Jackson so I can watch it laterrrrr~

The whole PVR thing on Astro is pretty damn cool.
8) <--- for those of you who have forgotten, this is my cool smiley.

8)

Watched about 10 minutes of Percy Jackson while waiting for Bolton-MU to start...I think I finally understand the hype about Logan Lerman.

SO ADORBZ.

Plus his voice is all deep and macho, as opposed to awfully high-pitched (which was how I always thought it would sound).
yesh.

Although I saw Pierce Brosnan in it.
ew.
Me no likey Pierce Brosnan kthx.

raaaaaaaawr.

WHY DOES US OPEN HAVE TO BE AT THE SAME TIME AS FOOTBALL.
GAH.

At least it rained during the first half.

Stupid tennis.

~vid~

Midnight revelations

2011-09-09T01:50:00.003+08:00

Yet another post.

Bear with me, I'm trying to get all this emo/depressive crap out of my system tonight.

Just occurred to me that through all these years, I'm still waiting for someone to apologise for the hurt they caused me in school all those years ago.
It might have seemed trivial to them,
but it affected me so much in a way that I cannot explain.
And come a few more years, it will have been a decade that I have been waiting for that apology.

I have forgiven, and I am willing to be friends with that person,
but there is some part of my soul that will forever be in turmoil until I hear a sincere "sorry" or at least an acknowledgment that they made my life a living hell.

But just how many people do you need to apologise to, Vidya?

I must have racked up a nice long list in the past one year.

Ugly.

That's what I feel like.

I feel ugly. Emotionally.

Like I've become this horrid, twisted thing that only knows how to hurt and cause hurt.

And I don't like it one bit.

Do they have makeovers for souls?

Mine needs a thorough cleansing.

~vid~

OBAH/NP

2011-09-09T01:21:00.003+08:00

Like a little boat out at sea,
without a motor, without oars.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to write.

I actually have lots of stories, but somehow when I sit in front of my laptop I can't seem to work up the energy to type them all out.
It seems much easier to sit here and wallow in self-pity.

And so the depressive cycle starts again.

I can either go with the flow and wait for it to die off eventually,
or I can go do something about it.

I need to run it off.

I need my life back.

Operation Be A Nicer/Happier Person starts tonight.
This blog is my witness.

Went through my documents folder, found so many old excerpts of unfinished stories.
I need to start writing again.
It made me a happier person.

There are so many things I'm unsatisfied with.

I'm not happy with my results.
I'm not happy with that nagging feeling of incompetence that just doesn't go away.

I'm not happy with who I'm becoming.

Someone accused me recently of causing them emotional hurt.
Part of me wanted to scoff and discard the whole issue, and I'm afraid that part was in dominance while replying to aforesaid person,
but another part was deeply upset by it.

I'm not trying to be Little Miss Sunshine,
and as unjust as I find that accusation to be, it hurts me that someone would hold me responsible for their own misery.

I've become so much of a bitch nowadays that it doesn't occur to me to stop and think about whether anyone would be seriously hurt over anything I say.

This is not who I am.
This is NOT who I want to be.

The only consolation is that there still was that small part of me that was upset about it...maybe not all hope is lost.

There was a time when I used to make an effort to be nice to people,
when I used to make an effort to dress nicely,
when I used to make an effort at life.

I can't be living my life in this state of limbo like this.

Its self-destructive.

We start tonight.

~vid~

Clarity

2011-09-08T22:58:00.005+08:00

And with every day that passes, it becomes increasingly clear that I'm in the wrong field.

I'm not cut out for this.

Its like being pulled apart at the seams.

Sometimes I don't think I have enough sanity left to make it through.

~vid~

Change

2011-09-08T00:40:00.002+08:00

I have changed so much.

There are times when I desperately want to claw my way back into the past and find the girl whom I used to be and bring her back.
And there are times where I just want to curl up into a ball and fast forward the next few years just to see if this personality change is permanent or if I'll go back to who I used to be after medical school is over.

I have such a short hold on my temper, and completely no motivation, no interest in anything at all.
Its so easy to be The Bitch nowadays.

I'm not proud of it, but I seem to have forgotten how to be nice.
Or happy.

I seem to have forgotten how to be me.

~vid~

Shall I tell you a secret?

2011-09-06T17:54:00.005+08:00

I'm completely unprepared for when he turns around and whacks me on the shoulder with a sheaf of paper.

"And look at this girl...completely no confidence in herself!"

Then he turns to look directly at me.

"You are good. You know your work, and you're good at it. And it's time you yourself believed that. You are good at what you do, okay?"

After everything. After every single thing you put me through last semester.

I wanted to cry.

Shall I tell you a secret?

Despite everything, I secretly like you best, if only because you were the only one who bothered to really push me to my limits.

~vid~

Piercings

2011-08-31T12:29:00.002+08:00

Did I mention I went to go get my ears pierced....again?
:D

This time with more precautions okay.

...and honestly if it doesn't work out this time, then I'm giving up.
Throwing in the towel.
No more attempts.
etc.
etc.

Did it two days ago actually,
and then I decided to take out the piercings and put in garlic stems (? stalks/sticks? wtv) and leave them in for a week before I finally get proper gold earrings.

I want those tiny ring ones. :D

The garlic thing is something that's been passed down from my ancestors.
Apparently.
That bit that sticks out of the garlic cloves...the stem? apparently is very absorbent (is that even a word omg my English is absolute rubbish now)
So apparently (new fav word btw can you tell :p) if you cut thin twigs out of it and leave it in the holes for about a week or so, it absorbs water when you bathe and wash your hair and etc etc,
and it will kembang....expand?
yeah.
Expand, so that when you want to put in proper earrings, you can get them in without much effort.

Did any of that make any sense at all omg.

I seem to have completely lost my grasp on English.
Speaking entirely too much Malay nowadays.

But for the record, trying to put the garlic thing into newly pierced ears also hurts like a bitch,
which is why I'm currently sitting here with a decidedly swollen ear that hurts to Mars and back.
(I only pierced one ear thank god)

yeps.

Happy Independence Day everbody!

And Happy Eid!

Its about time for my annual email to a certain someone, but sigh.
Really no mood this year.
It just seems to make more sense to let it all go instead of stubbornly holding on in the hope that something might come out of this odd relationship we have.

mehhhh.

Just a few more days to go before we start semester again.
yuck.
At least we start with Psych.
No 8am ward work yo! (even if there is its not like I'm going to turn up so screwwwww youuuu Psych!)

ow.

Right now I'm just so sick of running around trying to get things settled for Electives.
I want to throw a tantrum really.
The idiot was supposed to go with me, supposed to book flights with me, supposed to do the medical with me dammit.
But of course he goes and does it all by himself, and I'm just sitting here all awkward penguin like "whaaa..? You've done it already? But what why weren't we supposed to... ah fuck it"

Gah.

Can't wait to graduate.

Then at least I'll be free from all these social obligations.

yuck.

~vid~

Rambles

2011-08-30T00:53:00.003+08:00

Okeh.

Time to ramble!

Sigh.
A wee bit of me is worried that the whole electives plan is going to collapse in on itself.
Nothing seems to be going right atm.

:/

But where else would I do it?
Columbia Asia?

I just want to get outtttttt of this country!

gaaah.

Another, larger part of me is horribly bothered by the thought that my new piercings may not be evenly spaced apart.
It's bugging the life out of me, honestly.
-_-

Started reading one of my cousins' story books yesterday.
She had the whole series in her bookshelf, some vampirey story, so I figured it probably was worth a read.
And I like vampirey stories.
I honestly liked the Twilight books....and then the movie came out and ruined everything. :|

So anyway yes, my cousin's book.
Dead Until Dark.
Took me a chapter and a half before I turned back to the cover, only to realise that this was the series True Blood is based on.

Whoops.

Now I'm sorely tempted to start watching True Blood.

Sigh.

Problems, problems.

Oh but btw, Pinks has a new coat!
Just in time to turn 21.
My baby bear :)

~vid~

End of Week 1

2011-08-28T14:42:00.003+08:00

Updaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!

First off, hola! from JB.
I spend almost all my holidays here. Involuntarily.
'tis just one of those facts of life.

I don't know where last week went.
Not entirely sure where this week went either.
Like poof! Its already Sunday. The second week of hols is ending! :O

I've gone out once.
Once.

Ties with the family as rocky as ever.

Went to Singapore yesterday.
Again involuntarily.

Blehhhhh.

I don't particularly like Singapore la okay.

Went to Sentosa, just drove through.
I think.
I slept for most of it in the car.
:/
And then went to Mount Faber. or Fabre. or however its spelt.
That wasn't so bad, but there were so many other touristssssss.

Touristy people who go on tours via tour packages that involve big tour buses are incredibly annoying kthxbai.

mmm.
Then went to the zoo.
Saw lots of thin, sleepy animals.
The shows were rubbish.

yep.

I honestly think the zoo at A'Famosa puts up a better show.

This wasn't supposed to be a whiny post. Somehow turned out like that though.
whoops.
:|

Went to the BP lab on Tuesday (?) to do a blood test for the medical required for electives.
The people (people, mind you, not person...I felt like a freaking lab rat) needled me 7 times before they could find my vein.
SEVEN.

And they're all "we can't see your vein la!"

Like no shit. I'm Indian, how the fuck do you see my vein? Feel for it la!

And they've got this stupid technique of poking the needle in first, and then searching for the vein.
Wtf.
Are you for real?

Came home with swollen hands.
So bloody painful oh my god.

AND AND there was this doctor. DOCTOR. who tried taking blood instead, and she actually hit the vein, and a teeny bit of blood entered the syringe...
...and then she went too deep.
So no more blood came out.
So I'm like "uhhh...why don't you draw it back out a bit?"
And she's like "omg your vein lari la!"
-_-
-_-
-________________-

The only one who managed to draw blood was the guy at the lab.
(whom I totally have a crush on btw)
And that too with the baby needle. ouch.

I swear I've never put my patients through so much torture when taking blood from them.
-_-

I've never poked anybody more than once; if I can't do it once I get someone more experienced.

AT LEAST I HAVE MORE ETHICS THAN THE BP LAB PEOPLE.

Someone should go tell Dato' Siva this.

Which reminds me,
I saw a panther in the Singapore Zoo yest, and nearly burst out laughing.

I should get a panther tattoo.
Totally.
Dato' Siva would be so proud :')

..not.

I miss studying.
:|
:|
:|
I keep remembering random things that I didn't do properly during the exams, and I'm like "oh I should read up on that!"
...only to remember that I very hardworkingly left ALL my textbooks in Seremban.

And yet, no matter how much you try to leave medicine behind,
it just tends to follow you around.
It haunts you.

*creepy ghost music*

I want to watch Smurfs!

P.S.This is Yogi Bear.
Who came all the way from Chicago!

wheeeeee!

yah.

so.

the end.

~vid~

Updaaaaaate.

2011-08-22T00:12:00.002+08:00

um.

hi.

so.

I PASSED EOS 7.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

GO MEEEEEEEE!

yep.

Still wake up on some days freaking out,
going like "omg I forgot Lachmann's! What if Nisar doesn't pass me!"
...takes a few seconds to remember that I've already passed and all my insecurities are henceforth irrelevant.

meh.

I'd blog more.
If I wasn't so sleepy right now.

I swear all I've done since the exams finished is sleep.

Its like my brain just went 'uninstall exam mode. Install narcolepsy.'

~end~

~vid~

2011-08-16T22:00:00.001+08:00

Wake me up after the ending, when the damage has all been done.

Final Push

2011-08-14T04:39:00.003+08:00

Mhirah : I don't remember a time when we weren't studying.

It's been so long.
I can barely stand to look at a book anymore.

Which is probably why I wasted the whole of Thursday and Friday watching random movies and sleeping my life away.

Argh.
Feel like kicking myself for it now.

One more day.
This is it, Vidya. The final push!

We can do this.
Yes, we can.

~vid~

They drown us out at sea.

2011-08-12T23:44:00.003+08:00

Can I just take a day off from living?

I'm so tired of having to deal with people and their moods.

Enough is enough.

We're all stressed out.
We're all going crazy.
That doesn't make it okay for you to go all psycho on us and tell us you need a break from being friends.

If you don't want to be friends, then fine.
Fuck off.
I'm not desperate for your friendship. Or lack thereof.

Don't play this fucking hot-and-cold game.

I am honestly just worn out.

I want to run home to someone who loves me...but where is that home for me?

She doesn't see anything else when her son is in the picture.
She doesn't see a daughter who's going crazy with stress, who's at the brink of completely losing it.
No.
Whats more important now is that her son is coming back from his stupid holiday.

Its funny you know.
People love you when you're happy and entertaining....but show one sign of weakness, one sign of vulnerability, and they scamper like rats.

I'm the funny one, the sarcastic one who can bitch about people and get away with it because I can make you laugh, I'm the one who embarrasses myself on a constant basis.
I'm the hardcore, independent one who can deal with anything head on, on her own.
And so.
I don't get to be upset.
I don't get to be angry.
And I sure as hell don't get to breakdown and be sad.

Everyone wants to be the fair-weather friend.
No one wants to be the shoulder to cry on.

I've spent most of my life bottling up my feelings,
sorting through my shit on my own.
And I'm tired of it.
I'm tired.
For once I want someone to fucking care that I'm upset ok.

This is why I blog.

You lot want to know why I blog right? Well, this is it.
Because this blog is probably the one thing that won't run away from me when I need to rant.

Enough.

I need a break from all of this.

~vid~

Feelings.

2011-08-12T02:20:00.004+08:00

I'm going completely crazy.

Haven't been myself these past few weeks, everything just seems to be spiraling out of control.

SAQs and OSPEs are done...just the OSCEs left!
Those are the real pains-in-the-butt.
Stand alone, yo!
Need to pass OSCE to pass EOS7. aaaaaaaaaaah.
My brain is suddenly blank, and I feel so bloody incompetent.

Its not like I don't know how to do PE and stuff, of course I do, but just the thought of the lecturers sitting there and watching your every move like hawks.....aaaaaah intimidating la okay!
:/
And the idea of ten minute stations terrify me :(((

PRAY FOR ME YOU GUYS.
KEEP PRAYING TIL WEDNESDAY OKAY.
PRAY EXTRA HARD ON WEDNESDAY MORNING.

Sigh.

Thought I saw the back of his head today.
I swear I'm going completely mental.
I don't know what this is, and it's driving me crazy.

Is it going to turn out to be one of those stupid crushes I get when I'm stressed out and hormonal,
or is it going to be something that actually lasts and breaks my heart into a million pieces when he leaves?

Because he'll leave.
Not sure when, but he will.
My only consolation is that the new postings just started, and he'll have at least another month of his current posting to be completed when I come back in Sem8.
I'm kind of really thankful right now that I'm not in Group A for my selectives. :(

It scares me really.
I'm so used to having him around now, so used to seeing that arrogant smirk,
that just one day without seeing him and I'm suddenly spazzing out, unable to function.

It scares me that one day I won't see him in the cafe at lunch,
I won't see him in the hospital anymore,
and one week later it'll sink in...that he's done, he's not coming back anytime in the next three years.
It terrifies me.
Right now, in the state I'm in, I don't know if I'll be able to live with that.
I don't think I will.

Please don't let this be your last posting.
Please.

And so it had to be.
The girl who steadfastly claimed she would never marry a doctor, finally fell head over heels for a houseman.

And not just any houseman.
One that I've been mocking for the past one year,
the one houseman I honestly couldn't stand in HTJ.

I thought I hated him.

Who knew this heart could be so fickle?

Who knew when this hate turned into grudging respect?

He's so... argh. For someone who didn't want to marry a doctor, I seemed to have managed to pick the one Indian boy who's so madly in love with medicine that he'd probably marry it, given the chance.
One of those people who are so dedicated and passionate and responsible that they resent others for not loving medicine as much as they do.
One of those people who are so confident at what they do that they sneer at you for being nervous, for making mistakes.

For God's sake, he's like a Dato' Siva in the making!

Of all the bloody people to fall for!

Do you even notice I exist?
Am I actually an individual person to you...that loud Indian girl who laughs really loudly and stares back at you levelly?
Or do you just see me as part of that annoyingly noisy group that you always bump into in the cafeteria?
Or am I just 'oh God, another medical student?'

Do you even know what you've become to me?
Do you even know how bloody difficult it was for me, after a whole year, to get off my high horse and admit how fucking cute I think you are?

You're not supposed to be cute!
You're supposed to be that annoying doctor who thinks he's a cut above everyone else!

I wasn't supposed to fall in love, dammit.

Things weren't meant to turn out this way.

Half of me wants it to just be another stupid crush that will go away.
Half of me wants this to be endgame.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

~vid~

Losing It #2

2011-08-07T01:34:00.004+08:00

Oh.

You're leaving soon too, aren't you?

Maybe it's for the best.
Maybe this was just a lapse in judgment.

Hormones.
Stress.
That's all this is.
Nothing serious, nothing serious.

This is me trying to convince myself kthxbai.

I DON'T WANT TO LIKE YOUUUUUUU.
EEYYYERRRRRRR.
I MEAN OF ALL PEOPLE DAMMIT WHY YOU.
STUPID ARROGANT SHORT BOY.

I hate my stupid heart.

Seriously.
I'm completely losing it right now.

I don't think I went this far off my rocker for EOS5.

~vid~

Excerpt

2011-08-07T00:46:00.002+08:00

The root of the trouble was that she was one of those intellectual girls, steeped to the gills in serious purpose, who are unable to see a male soul without wanting to get behind it and shove.

P.G. Wodehouse.

Random, while I'm trying to wrestle with Internal Med.

~vid~

Revelation

2011-08-06T23:44:00.003+08:00

For once, my friends in IMU know something about me that my best friends don't.

I suppose it's the people who are there to support you who get to know firsthand what you're going through, eh?

~vid~

Losing It

2011-08-06T21:44:00.002+08:00

I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I feel I've covered so much already,
but when I look at the list of topics still left to cover, I'm just tempted to pick up a handgun or something and blow my brains out.

OSCE still terrifies me the most though.
Like Dato' Kanda said, we've got half our theory marks from EOPs already (plus when I look at the past year papers, I feel like I'm reading Greek so I've got not much hope for theory)

Please God, please let me pass EOS7.
Let us all pass.
Can't imagine anyone having to go through all that again. :/

Been slowly losing my mind this past two weeks.
And it appears I've also lost my heart along the way.
Not too sure about this though, may just be a side effect of the stress.
Or, like Dhina said,
I've been so used to his presence that I seem to need it around constantly.

I don't know.
I don't know.

Completely losing it right now.

~vid~

I think I like someone.

2011-08-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

Pride

2011-07-31T16:19:00.002+08:00

Too proud.

When people want to walk out of my life, I tend to let them.
Even if it breaks my heart.
I'm too proud to tell them stay, don't leave me. I need you.

Maybe if I'd shelved that pride even once, just maybe, I wouldn't be so alone right now.

Please God, send me someone who will stay for me without being asked.

~vid~

Shallow #2

2011-07-25T02:25:00.001+08:00

Well firstly cuz you have been watching too many movies and watching too many cute guys plus being in a dreamworld in which medicine has no place unless siddarth is the doct and you are his patient.

I meant siddarth the actor.

The comment that sparked off the completely random rant below.

I am fed up okay.
I don't need this judgmental crap.

~vid~

Shallow

2011-07-25T02:05:00.003+08:00

For all my faults, I didn't think anyone considered me shallow.

But they do.

If crushing on cute celebrities is shallow, then yes, I am shallow.

If telling my friends that I want to get married, is shallow, then yes, I am shallow.

If daydreaming about white knights and faraway castles in an attempt to take my mind off studying is shallow, then yes, I am shallow.

If not checking out any male doctors except the fictional ones on tv is shallow, then yes, I am shallow.

If wanting to end up with someone who doesn't do medicine is shallow, then yes, I am unfuckingbelievably shallow.

I'm one of those girls who grew up believing in Disney,
believing in princes,
believing in soulmates,
believing in happily ever afters.

And the real world has taught me that happily ever afters do exist, if you work at it enough.
The real world taught me that its okay for soulmates to agree to disagree,
that princes may not always be perfect human beings but it doesn't matter as long as they're perfect for you,
that Disney, if nothing else, shone some hope into this bleak existence.

If that makes me shallow, then yes, I am shallow.

I want to fall in love, I want to get married.
I think guys on tv are cute.

Will you deny you're just as superficial as I am?

~vid~

Matthew Lewis

2011-07-25T00:31:00.003+08:00

Because he's grown into such a hottie,
and because I've been staring at this picture all day :

SO ADORBZ.

This picture also has to be here ok :

WHY ARE THERE FOUR OF HIM.
IS HE PLAYING FOUR ROLES IN THE MOVIE OR WHAT.
WHY HASN'T THE SYNOPSIS COME OUT YET.
ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME OR.

p.s. Apparently half the shooting was done in Malaysia.

Or is going to be done in Malaysia.

Or is currently going on in Malaysia.

aaaaaaaaah I dunno! Why are you so close yet so far, bb?
*cries*

yep.
End of blog post.

9am is a ridiculous time to have revision classes during a study break ok bye.

~vid~

Worn out

2011-07-21T08:42:00.005+08:00

Oh my godddddd dah start la these kindergarten kids behind my house...

Kiri kanan, kiri kanan, kiri kanan....cukup ke tempat nak kawad kat dalam compound tu?
gaaaaaaaaaah.
Never get to sleep in in Seremban man, thanks to those kids.

So tired.
So fed up of studying.
Spent one whole day just trying to study panic disorder.

meh.

Should have just scrapped psych and tried studying ortho instead. At least its so much more interesting.
Never-ending, but at least I can stay awake reading it.
Psych is just..

I don't feel like EOP is tomorrow.
Probably cos we're done with Viva, and MCQ is today,
and.... AAAAAAH CAN THEY JUST GIVE US A BREAK.
SO MANY EXAMS LA.

Good morning, everybody.

~vid~

The Printer Story

2011-07-11T20:41:00.004+08:00

I haven't embarrassed myself in a while, right?

So lai lai, let me tell you all about my blonde moment today.

Been having some problems with my CFCS report (as usual)...
and I couldn't complete it last night, due to those problems,
so I had to finish it up in uni during lunch so I could print it out and hand it in today.

Except.
I've never actually printed anything in IMU before.

So I have absolutely no idea how to use the printers.

Nevertheless,
I went and got my printing ID from the librarian
and she was all "tak pernah print la ni"
*ahem*
and then I got Manichelvi to teach me how to send the document to the printer and how to get it printed.

Seemed easy enough.

So I typed out my report.
Sent it for printing.
Walked to the printer, put paper in,
logged in...

And then nothing happened. No paper came back out.

So I tried again.

Nothing.

Then I check the job list...no pending documents.

So then I acknowledge that I'm a total noob right, so I went to the librarian, and asked him to help.

So he went over, sent it for printing again,
went back to the printer,
logged in,
set it to print all,
and then went back to his seat...
...and I'm waiting for it to print...

...and still no paper comes out.

Then Zia walks by, and I'm all don't leave meeeee I'm having a crisis!

I was about to wail in despair ok, because the stupid thing just wouldn't print.

So I went to the librarian again.
And he went through the whole thing again.

And this time he's still standing there after he sets it to print all,

and Zia's suddenly like "eh why is there so much paper down there?"

And I'm like "huh, down where?"

And she reaches down to this tray coming out from the middle of the machine, and pulls out this sheaf of paper.
Comprising about 5 copies of my report.

.
.
.
The whole time I'd just been standing there waiting for paper to shoot out of the top part of the machine.

Not once did it occur to me that the printed documents would appear in the tray in the middle of the stupid machine.
I didn't even know there was a tray there!
psh.

The librarian must have thought I was the bimbo-est person on the planet or something omg.

Never printing in the library again.
Even if my life depends on it.

So embarrassing.

And as if I hadn't embarrassed myself enough already,
after collecting my excessively printed documents, I go hunt for Mhirah and Jovann at the tables near the bookshelves,
and they happen to be sitting at the same table as him.

And as I pass him to get to my seat, he smiles. (whee :DDDDDD)

And then of course, being the absolute nut that I am, I have to relate my story to Mhirah and Jovann,
and of course they both laugh at me,
and they count the number of copies I ended up printing, and they laugh some more,
and I end up giving half of it to them for rough paper.

And the whole time he's just sitting there playing with his phone, listening to everything.

And I don't realise it until I stand up to leave and he looks up and smiles again,
and I'm like.
oh. dammit. He must've heard the entire thing!

gaaaaah.

Well done, Vidya.

On another completely random note,
just two weeks ago, I was complaining to Manichelvi about how I didn't have anyone to crush on in uni.

And now I have. :)

Only until this Saturday, but so far its been worth it.

p.s. He also smiled at me during lunch. Such a smiley boy. :D

~vid~

Level-headed

2011-07-09T23:44:00.002+08:00

It happens.

People come into my life, I fall for them, they leave.
How many times has this happened before?

This time, like every other time before,you're leaving.

Time to take off the rose-coloured glasses,
put away all my fancy notions,
and accept it.

You'll leave. And I'll be left behind, just like every other time.

I can be level-headed about this.
Yes I can.

I cannot fall apart about this. Not right now.
And I won't.

Level-headed.
I can do this.

~vid~

No1

2011-07-02T01:29:00.003+08:00

So research is finally over.

It's been a horrible couple of days, staying up til 4am trying to figure out how to calculate stuff on SPSS,
making plans to meet with our mentor and having him cancel them because he was too busy,
finally getting him to review the whole report today, and then having him want corrections done 2 hours before the deadline.

I'm just glad it's over.

I can breathe again.

Although, not really.
5 weeks, and then all hell breaks loose again.

Where has the time gone?

The last time I checked I had two months to study for EOS, now I'm left with 5 weeks?!

I just want a really long holiday.

Thinking of starting a scrapbook.
I get to give in to my love of pretty things, my obsession with stationery, and my incessant need to create something. :D
Not many people actually realize how obsessed I am with buying pretty notebooks and coloured pencils that I never really need.

The bucket list is well under way.

I think all this is stemming from a need to break away from medicine,
to prove my life still can include other things.
:/

You know you're quite far gone when you alternate between smiling and making weird strangled noises everytime you hit "show desktop".
I dont think anybody will understand my love for Michael Fassbender.

I dont think Michael Fassbender will understand my love for Michael Fassbender.

And that makes me very sad indeed.

OH OH OH AND DJO BECOMES WORLD NO1!
SO HAPPY.
I nearly died when Tsonga won the third set, but the fourth set was wonderful.
And he's in the Wimbledon final.
And he's world no 1.
And everything is peaches. :D

So I don't know how the scoring system works, and I don't understand why Nadal won't still be World No 1 if he wins Wimbledon,
but I dont care.
For now, Djo is No 1, and even if that is only going to last for half an hour I am still very happy.
And very proud.

yep.

I have just realised that I am both Indian and Malaysian and yet I don't seem to have patriotic tendencies to either of those countries.
odd.

~vid~

Beauty

2011-06-27T21:32:00.003+08:00

Angelic Fassy :3

It should be illegal to be so beautiful.

~vid~

Random conversations #2

2011-06-27T00:51:00.002+08:00

Moar.

Because we're so funny.

~vid~

Random conversations

2011-06-27T00:43:00.003+08:00

Since there are obstacles in my research that prevent me from completing it today,

Trying to take my mind off things okay.

~vid~