Insomnia

I hate my family.

I really do.

Its occurred to me that in the past 3 days that we've been in India, I've laughed maybe once.

Once.
Whereas in Ireland I used to laugh myself silly everyday.

Fuck, even in Seremban I laughed more often.

Just, somehow, being around my family drains me.

It takes up too much energy just dealing with them and their stupid moods that I'm too tired to fake being happy at the end of the day.

Plus, my parents really need a wake-up call. I'm 22 this year, for fuck's sake.

I should be able to fucking decide what I want to wear and what I want to eat.

Fucking hell.

Every fucking day it's been

"Don't wear that! Wear the other one"

"Don't eat that, what's wrong with you. Eat thaaaat one. Eat more. You need to eat more what do you mean you're not hungry just shut up and eat"

Fuck you.

Fuck this.

I need to go home.

No.

I need to get away from this family.

I do.

I'm much happier when I only have to see them on weekends.

~vid~

The Poor Lost Sheep Boy - The Story

You don't need someone to take care of you
You're so headstrong!

- Rachel, when I was mulling over whether lost sheep were really my type or not.

This post might be completely incoherent/non-cohesive because I keep getting interrupted.
Between the first quote and now I've already been interrupted twice,
keep getting asked to make coffee for the whole family.
I really am turning into the (almost)perfect Indian housewife.

And now I'm going to get interrupted again because I'm starving and breakfast just got done.

yesh.

*

...okay so I typed out everything above at 7am,

and now its currently 2am, the next day.

14-hour interruption, yo.

I'm actually really sleepy,

and I've just watched the new Once Upon A Time episode, and I really want to squeal about that instead,

but.

I am leaving to India in approximately 10 hours,

and if I don't write about Poor Lost Sheep Boy now, I will not write about him at all (and I want to)

I can't possibly muse about lost sheep while in India, considering I'm sharing a hotel room with my parents.

Probably going to sound really messed up and not at all like how I planned it to sound in my head, but here goes..

*

...on second thought (and don't kill me you guys, I know how potong stim this is),

I'll write about him at a time when I've gotten over the regret a little bit more.

I still regret not getting to know him.

So much.

So, so much.

I'm probably the only person on this planet with a penchant of falling in love with people I don't really know.

But as that tarot-reader-lady told me :

"Keep your innocence, child. And keep your heart open to love. You'll find it soon. Don't lose hope"

yep.

~vid~

The Poor Lost Sheep Boy

I can't believe I left without getting to know him.

So many things feel like heartbreak, don't they?

Like when you're so close to achieving something you never knew you wanted until it was placed right in front of you,

and then it dances out of your reach and slips away through your fingers like water.

Some regrets last a lifetime.
This one will.

On another note,

HELLO EVERYBODY I AM BACK HOMEEEEEEEEEEE!

...and severely jet-lagged, so goodnight :)

~vid~

Sanjanaaaaaaa control your emotionsssssss

TWIG : Last day in NUIG

Well, hello.

Internet's still not fixed yet at home, so I'm blogging from uni again.
This will probably be the last blog post from Galway.
Actually, the last blog post from outside Malaysia..my transit in Amsterdam is only an hour or so, so I probably wouldn't blog then.
yep.

I've got all this heaviness in my heart and head right now, so this blog post might not make any sense at all..


I hate adjusting.
I do.
I hate it.
I didn't react very well to first coming here because it was so different from back home, and all I wanted to do was get on the next plane and run back to somewhere familiar.

And then I didn't like the hospital at all at first.

And then,
I got used to it.
To the cold,
to my housemates,
to Galway town,
to walking around everywhere,
to the hospital,
to the PC suite at uni.

And now I can't imagine going back at all.

I'm not sure how I'm going to react to going back to being all alone in my big room at home,
or dealing with my family (whom I haven't properly talked to since I came here)
or getting on another plane on Wednesday and going to India,
and after all that,
just going back to my humdrum routine,
and after that, going back to Seremban.
And entering final year.

It's all just a big jumbled mess in my head.




And my life plans have been messed up slightly too.
I'm the kind of person who likes planning out my future (eventhough I know half the time the plans never follow through...like how I'd always dreamt of being a hotshot lawyer - look where I ended up!)
And my plan was always to work in Malaysia after graduation, and then specialise as soon as possible, and then continue working with the government in whichever state.
..
but now..
I mean, I do think we get better exposure back home and all,
but I like living here.
Overseas.
I suppose I'd be okay with working here as well, so I'd really quite like to move here.
And that of course, would upset my plans completely.
I'm horribly confused.

Of course, when I do go back, I might love Malaysia so much again that I never want to leave.

I don't know.
Just so much confusion right now.


aaaah.
I should probably write about all that's been happening here instead of going off on my own tangent about my insecurities, aye?

Not much to write about really, because I'm in full emo mode (I REALLY don't want to leave just yetttt)
...and my housemate has just come back to the PC suite because her tutorial has been cancelled,
so I'm being interrupted in the middle of blogging yet againnnn
(this is why I can't be bothered blogging in uni really, otherwise I'd have blogged obsessively everyday)


When I get back I'll blog about how sexist GerFla is (that handsome gay professor),
and I will write at length about the Poor Lost Sheep Boy (prev known as The cute boy in Galway)

AND THIS HOUSEMATE OF MINE WANTS TO GO TOWN RIGHHHTT NOWWWW so I have to stop here ok bye.


~vid~

p.s. She's also planting weird sexual fantasies in my head about Poor Lost Sheep Boy so I'd better log off for my own sanity. ahem.

TWIG : Random post that I can't think up a title for

Hai.

So currently I'm in the pc suite at uni, using the internet because we still don't have internet at home.
Could've blogged here the past few days, but it really is too public,
and I've already somehow managed to embarass myself on a few occasions here already.

But I'm really bored today (it's my day off! ..but I really need the internet ok) and hungry and rather sleepy because the 3 in1 Nescafe honestly is crap and has probably the bare minimum of caffeine, so right now I don't care if anyone reads what I'm typing.
Kalau nak kepo sgt baca, baca lah.



Just hit me today morning that this is my last weekend here.
:(
Kinda upsetting, to be honest.
I've grown used to the house here, and the uni, and the weather. It'd be kind of odd to go back home,
maybe also because I'm so used to hanging out with Yan Qi's housemates now,
that when I go back it'd be rather depressing to just be all alone in my room.
I mean I'd have the internet and I could go back to my Ali Zafar stalking, but.
..it'd just be rather sad, you know.
Not having my friends around.
I never quite felt it when I used to come back from Seremban because I never really hung out with my housemates there.
Or at least I didn't hang out with them as much as I hang out with these people.

But with that being said,
I do miss home.
Sort of.

I miss HTJ, I miss IMU (I know right, like wth happened to me??)
and given a choice, I'd always pick Seremban over Galway for clinicals,
but
I'd like to have studied here.
Maybe not medicine, maybe something else.
Maybe law.

It's always been a dream of mine to go to university in the UK.

And I suppose, it did come true if only for three weeks.
That's something I should be happy about.




Anyway, so we're going to Connemara tomorrow, and the Cliffs of Moher on Sunday
(or is the other way around?)
so that should be alot of fun :D
I'm more interested in the Cliffs to be honest.
whee!



What else can I blog about?
oooh Dr Gerard Flaherty!
Affectionately (or not) known as GerFla to the students here.

I had to email him once before coming here,
and despite Jovann telling me he was rather young,
I'd always had this image of a rather stout, stocky man with greying hair and a serious face...
...
...I could not have been more wrong.
GerFla is probably around 35,
and handsomeeeeee! (well, I'm the only one who thinks so but wtv)
And he's rather nice,
(gives us personal tutorials and everything. ahemmm)
But apparently he's gay.
-_-
I'm just jinxed that way.
pfft.
:(



Aaaaah now we're going for lunch and I'm distracted again, so I'm going to stop here.
I'll write about this cute boy in Galway in another post :D
There is a cute boy in Galway *wink wink*


Toodles~


~vid~

Delight

SCHOLESY'S BACK PLAYING FOR UNITEDDDDDDD!

That is all.

I am dying of happiness.

~vid~

TWIG : Second Saturday here!

HAIII.


Okay, so this post is on MS Word as well.
Its Saturday morning right now, but I’ll probably only post it up later once I get to use the broadband.

We haven’t had internet since Tuesday (I think) or Wednesday.
Wednesday, probably.
Some guy was supposed to come fix it yesterday, but there was some problem, and he didn’t. I hope it comes back on soon.
I miss the internetttt!
Plus I really want to skype with my parents and my cousins. I miss their faces. :(


Alright, so what can I blog about today?


I’ll tell you guys about my week in uni.

I’ve been pretty busy (by NUIG standards…NUIG stands for National University of Ireland, Galway; I’m considering buying an NUIG hoodie. For the heck of it. Should I?),
but honestly I feel I’ve been horribly unproductive.


We’ve been put together with the 3rd year med students, because they only do Cardio in 3rd year apparently. It does feel a bit odd, because they’re still very new to the whole clinical setting, and I keep having to remind myself I was as lost as them when I started Sem6 back in Seremban.
I generally try to avoid answering questions in class, because there’s no triumph in showing up a bunch of 3rd years when I’m already entering 5th year, and I should know what they don’t.
The boy is having the time of his life showing off in class, which is honestly rather annoying. but. wtv.


We’ve also been given logbooks, and we’re supposed to get signatures for every patient clerked and presented, and for every procedure seen.
But unlike Seremban, here it’s compulsory to get signatures.
Even the lab technicians and the nurses and the SHOs know about it…to the extent that after every procedure, they immediately go like “okay, so what do I have to sign for you?”
…before we even open our mouths okay.
I don’t like that part of it.
I suppose that’s one way of the uni keeping track of students’ attendance, but to me it just feels like you show up for classes/tutorials for the sake of getting the signatures. At least that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 4 days.
:/
Me and Jovann have been put into the same group, and our timetables are slightly different from the other 3 Irish students in our group, so we mostly just do things on our own, which suits us just fine.

yep.

Okay, so anyway,
on Monday we went for some cardiac rehab session.
It’s sort of like an aerobic class/exercise session for patient’s with heart disease. Like physio.
I haven’t seen it back home, maybe they have it in GHKL or IJN, but I don’t think they have it in Seremban.
It was rather cute, all these old men doing aerobics and using exercise machines. And they were all very excited about me and Jovann being there.
Damn jakun okay.
And the nurse there.
Ohmygod.
She was all like “you’re from Malaysia?? Singapore is in Malaysia right?”
o.O
And then she goes on to say “But you have very good English! It’s perfect!” and then gives us this exaggerated surprised look.
Excuse me.
What do you mean BUT I have very good English?
Did you think Malaysians couldn’t speak English or something??
ugh. I’ve heard people say that they’ve been faced with situations like these before, where people mix up Singapore and Malaysia, and/or think we still live on treetops and can’t speak anything but gibberish,
but..honestly.
And there are so many other Malaysians studying/working here too! Why are people still so jakun about us??

Even on Tuesday, we had to attend afternoon clinic, and we were following this Malaysian doctor (a Registrar who works there)
and this patient walks in and asks us where we’re all from, and we say we’re all from Malaysia, but he still looks awfully confused,
and after awhile, he points to me and goes like “you look different. They (points to Jovann and the doctor..who is Malay btw) look the same, you don’t. You look Indian”
…
I am Indian.
There are Indian people in Malaysia. Who are also Malaysian.
…
I mean it’s the same concept as having African Americans isn’t it? I’m Indian by race, and Malaysian by nationality.
It’s not that difficult to understand -_-
And I keep getting asked if I’m from the UK. Took me some time to figure out that there are a lot of British-born Indians who come to Ireland to study as well,
so somehow it’s easier for patients to accept the concept of BBIs (British born Indians) as opposed to working their heads around M(Malaysian)BIs.
They seem to think all Malaysians are Malay.


But otherwise, the patients are all really nice.
But they don’t stop talking omg.
Even in clinics, one consultation takes at least half an hour. That’s a stark difference from back home.
We were in the clinic from 2pm to 5pm on Tuesday, and we only saw 6 patients.
So when I came back home, I was telling Yan Qi’s housemates about how we saw so few patients,
and they’re like “You saw SIX!? Six is a lot! :O”

-_-

Ok.


And the patients here tend to lead the clerking. I know I used to complain about how old Indian patients back home used to go on and on about their life stories,
but patients here do the same. :/
I was clerking a heart failure patient yesterday, and he was doing all the talking.
I kept having to cut him off here and there because he was going off on a different tangent, and I wasn’t getting the information I needed.

Oh, and that’s another thing.
I’m so out of practice clerking patients omg.
I talked to him for a good 45 minutes (because he just wouldn’t stop and it would be awfully rude if I cut him off at every sentence) and then when I came back home, I sat down to write up the history (thanks to Dato’ Kanda I’ve developed the habit of not taking notes while clerking)
and I realized there were quite a few things I forgot to ask. Minor things, but still.

So anyway, presented the case to the doctor yesterday,
and at the end of it he goes like “oh well done. Very good history. I have nothing to add. Very good”

O_O

What.

And all I could think of was “omg if I had presented this to Prof Esha or Dato’ Kew they’d have crucified me”


That’s another difference. The doctors here are really nice.
Like super nice.
Like if you mess up somewhere, they’re all like “do you need more help?”, or if you don’t turn up for class they’re like “Are you alright? Do you need extra tutorials?”

:O

So niceeeee.

:(


Okay la, back home the doctors are really nice too,
but they’re hardcore when it comes to work.
And come on la, which doctor would offer extra tutorials if you don’t turn up for class?


Lol I’ve been complaining this whole post.

Oh well.


The grass here definitely isn’t greener.
Everyone is nice, and life is relaxed and whatnot,
but I couldn’t live here.
Not after the hectic life we have in Seremban…I come here and I’m like omg why don’t I have anything to do? It’s like being in psych all over again.

It’s no wonder people who study here can’t work in Malaysia.

Yep.


And now everyone in this house has woken up and I’m distracted and I’ve completely lost track of what I want to say.
End of blog post :D

OH OH.
They have this shop called the Milkshake Bar in town, which is honestly the best shop in existence.
They have every flavor omg.
Like Snickers and Twix and Ferrero Rocher and Strawberry Cheesecake and Chocolate Muffin and Melon and Protein Shakes and yeah.
They have everything.
So far I’ve taken Turkish Delight (love!) and Crunchie.
I want to import that shop back to Malaysia ok bye,



~vid~

TWIG : I'm losing count of days..

...already.


So, if I'm not terribly wrong, it's Monday morning over here.
And I think I'm the only one awake.
Unless the girl upstairs is awake also. There's one of Yan Qi's housemates who doesn't ever hang out with us, and for all intents and purposes after this, she will be referred to as 'the girl upstairs'.
...that is, if I ever feel the need to blog about her again.

Yesterday was such a wonderfully lazy day.
I loved it.
I woke up around 10am yesterday, and literally spent the whole day lazing around in bed with my laptop/chatting with the others until 6pm,
then we all got ready for a steamboat dinner (in the house itself), which was pretty fun,
because the boy and his friend came over as well.

I went to sleep pretty early last night,
I guess the lack of sleep is finally catching up to me.

And oh oh.
Yesterday evening, I went to wash my hair so I wouldn't have to wash it this morning,
and after I was done, I wanted to dry my hair yeah, because I didn't want to walk around with wet hair in this cold and get a flu or something.
And then I noticed...
...
....
.....dandruff!
:O
:O
:O
HOLYSHIT.
And I swear to God it looked exactly like those pictures in our Dermato textbooks, the seborrheic dermatitis lesions.
WTF OKAY.
WTF.
I all but freaked out and died!
I was so afraid all my hair was going to fall out or something, and I mean, how the hell do I walk around with that on my head?!
aaaaaaaaaaargh
After I came downstairs though, one of the girls was telling me that it was actually pretty normal,
and they'd all experienced it,
which was why I'd seen either a tar-based shampoo/Selson's/Head&Shoulders in every bathroom.
And there I was walking around with my beloved Sunsilk.
It's apparently because of the weather here...its so dry! So aparently I shouldn't wash my hair every day -.-
I mean how the hell was I supposed to know right?
But ugh.
I'm so upset about it right now.
Hopefully I manage to get rid of it soon, or I'll wear a hat and walk around everywhere.

My hair is a major point of vanity with me okay.

:(


Oh well.
Can't really think of anything else to type.
Won't blog again today, probably the next post will be tomorrow after I get back from class.
I'm not sure what to expect, so I'm just going with not expecting anything at all.
yep.

Going out to Galway town (?city) later to get groceries and buy my sim cardddd.

yeh.

okeh.


Here is a new Kurt Schneider video with Alex Goot.
I don't what instrument it is that Kurt's using, but it is insanely cool.
And he still has the prettiest hands.

ok.

How To Save A Life - Kurt Schneider & Alex Goot







~vid~

TWIG : Happy New Year! :)

Roarrrr!

Happy New Year everybody! :DDD

I'm just hoping 2012 is a good year for everyone.
2011 was a bit of a mess.
Until today I can't actually remember when 2011 started...it actually spanned almost 3 semesters for me.

So yeah, no expectations for the new year, just please God, let it be a good one.
I've got both Sem 9 and Sem 10 coming (my final semesters in medschool) and I could really use a break.




Right.
So yesterday was completely spent in Dublin.
Didn't take too many pictures because everyone was more into shopping, what with the New Year's sale and all.
I don't like shopping. :/ And the only thing I was slightly tempted to spend my money on was this cute white mug with the words "I Love Caffeine" on it,
but then I decided it would probably count as unnecessary, so I didn't.

Which reminds me, my coffee withdrawal is getting reeaaaallly bad.
Woke up at 8am yesterday with a blinding headache, the kind I usually get when I haven't had my coffee fix,
and then it hit me. 8am here is 4pm back home.
Waaaaaaaay past my usual coffee-dose-time.
And not just the headache, my hands were shaking so bad I was so afraid I'd drop the glass that I was making coffee in.

Less headachy today though, maybe my body's adjusting to the different time zone.

Okay, anyway,
back to the Dublin trip.

I love Dublin.
I do.
Eventhough we only were walking in and out of shops yesterday.

The buildings are so beautiful!
And old-schooly and :)
And people walk everywhere, and its so much safer than it is back home.
If we walked in KL the way people walk here, we'd have been victims of snatch-theft within the first 10 minutes or something.
And cars actually actually stop for people at the zebra crossing.
:O
That came as a bit of a surprise.
Back home, zebra crossings serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever. No car stops for you. -.-

And there were street musicians,
and people doing street art and everything.
It was an experience alright, seeing all of that.
And the street musicians are really talented though! I could've stood there for hours just watching them sing/play their instruments.
Damn jakun lol.


Couldn't stay in Dublin to welcome the New Year though,
because there wouldn't have been a bus back to Galway after 12am, and staying overnight in Dublin was out of the question.

Was initially supposed to go to Belfast for fireworks instead, but apparently transportation to Belfast is crazy expensive,
so we just welcomed in the New Year at home instead.
And then sat around talking til 5 in the am.
o.O

Yan Qi's housemates are really nice (have I mentioned this before?)
They're like kindred spirits,
so, so far so good.

20 days left before I go back home!

I kind of miss home actually.
I came all the way here to see if the grass is really greener on this side,
and so far I can honestly say, in terms of living conditions, it most definitely isn't.

We're a pampered lot back home, actually.

And honestly, honestly,
I don't think I'll ever EVER complain about my housemates' cleanliness (or lack thereof) again.
Ever.

At least I've learnt to have a bit more appreciation for my Seremban house after coming back here.
That's a silver lining, isn't it?



The weather here is alright,
apparently its one of their mildest winters.
Just rain and wind.
No snow.
And eventhough I'd really like to experience snow, right now I'm rather thankful for the lack of it, because I don't have boots and I really don't fancy slipping everytime we have to walk somewhere.


I haven't yet been able to explore Galway
(kind of rethinking the whole TWIG thing right now, three days and I've only really been in Dublin most of the time LOL)
I guess we'll do that tomorrow, and I really need to get a sim card so I can contact the boy easily once we start class.

yep.

This post is rather incoherent because I'm awfully sleepy,
and hungry,
and my fingers are frozen.
I'd wear a cardigan, but the rest of me isn't cold.
Just my fingers.
and my nose.
-.-


Happy New Year again!




~vid~