Kissed You

I JUST REALIZED THAT I NEVER WROTE A BLOG POST WHEN GERMANY WON THE WORLD CUP THIS YEAR
HOW
WHY
I WATCHED THE ENTIRE WORLD CUP SO HOW DID I NOT- oh that's right. I was working.
(*cough*this revelation may/may not have come about because I may/may not have been going through my old posts and may/may not have stumbled upon one from Euro 2012*cough*)


Currently on my last few days of my annual leave.
Literally been doing nothing but sleeping, eating and watching Arrow.

I am a hermit. 

But you all knew that already. 

Actually itching to start work again just to have something to do with my life.
I will NOT be feeling this way next week once I actually have started work again. 

Like I mentioned, I've been watching Arrow - which is an awesome show and one that you should all be watching RIGHT. NOW.
NOW.
NO EXCUSES.
GO WATCH.
Normally I wouldddd try to explain the show and why I love it and yada yada before I start shamelessly spamming you guys with pictures of the lead (oh come on, you all know the real reasons I watch the shows that I watch) but it's been a really long day..

..and so : 

Stephen Amell!
(he plays Green Arrow in Arrow, in case you didn't get that from all the rambling above)

You're welcome.





Bonus : 

1. BECAUSE STEPHEN AMELL LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR OKAY AND I THINK HE LOOKS LIKE CHESTER SEE BUT RACHEL DOESN'T AGREE AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO IT IS THAT HE LOOKS LIKE 
2. Also, I still really want to marry Chester See
3. This song is officially stuck in my head - nothing to do with the fact that I've had it on repeat for the past 2 hours obvs.
4. Chester See is the singer in that video
5. I feel an inexplicable need to point out the obvious tonight



Ahem.

Excuse me while I go watch the final episode of Arrow Season 1.
Goodnight!

 ~vid~

The Doctor in the House

The thing about us doctors is, we’re not superhuman. 

We don’t have magical healing powers on hand at all times. 

And most importantly (for us junior doctors, anyway) – outside of a hospital/clinic setting, we’re pretty much fish out of water. 


.


My mother went into anaphylactic shock today. 
Started out innocently enough... rashes, itching… but then the dizziness, palpitations started…then the difficulty breathing. 
Textbook stuff. 

And although I have about a year’s worth of experience in handling emergencies, nothing quite prepares you for having to deal with a loved one on the verge of cardiorespiratory collapse. 


I have never before fumbled at taking blood pressure, but today I did.
I have never blanked out while trying to check a patient’s blood sugar levels, but today I did. 

All the while my brain was screaming : Dxt stat! SpO2 monitoring! Cardiac monitoring stat! IV line! Bloods! 

And I was so…helpless. 
I had next to no equipment at home, no medical staff support whatsoever – just a clueless brother and sister-in-law who were looking to me to somehow make things right.

And naturally, naturally, my mother was refusing to go to a hospital.
She could barely stand, and she was just point blank refusing to seek medical treatment.

“I don’t need a hospital, you’re here”

Yes, I’m here, but nothing else is! 


Somehow, through sheer stubbornness, she managed to make it to the car (only after I’d picked up the phone to call an ambulance), and we ended up at the emergency department at the hospital.
Finally, somewhere with proper monitoring and intravenous medication and a nebulizer.
Finally, safer ground.
Finally.

I have never in my life felt so helpless and unsure before, as I did today.
All that my medical training helped with today was with recognizing an impending emergency.




Us doctors…we’re pretty much worthless without our nurses, and our teams and our nice fancy equipment. 
But sometimes, maybe all you need is a helpless young doctor telling you that you need to get better medical attention RIGHT. NOW. 



 . 




At the end of the day, when my mother turned to me and went “I didn’t think an allergic reaction would turn out so bad! I probably wouldn’t have gone to the hospital if you weren’t around. I’m so glad we have a doctor in the house”,
all I could think, was :
you know what, Ma, so am I.


So am I.



~vid~

Quarter-Life Crisis #2

"Nothing will mess you up more than thinking you should have your shit together in your twenties"



I was going to title this "Quarter-Life Crisis", and then I realized I'd already titled another post that (way back in 2012).
So, since I'm obviously very creative, here's Quarter-Life Crisis #2! 

Been spending the last week watching old 80s movies - mainly for a twenty-something Judd Nelson *coughcough*
(Can you blame me though? He was such a babe back then!)
Anyway,
so,
this post is brought to you courtesy of the emotional meltdown I had after watching The Breakfast Club and St Elmo's Fire.

(seriously, look at Judd Nelson. Just look.)

The Breakfast Club got me to reminiscing about high school and all my dreams and aspirations back then.

When you're thirteen years old, 20 just sounds.. Old. Mature. Responsible. and yet somehow, Fun.
24 just sounds.. well, to be honest, I never thought about 24. 

I'll be very honest,
at thirteen, I was so sure that by 20 I would have clear skin, the perfect body, a loving boyfriend, and a kickass job as a hotshot criminal lawyer.
(Also a lot of my daydreams about being 20 included a ten-year high school reunion in which I showed up with my very hot fiance and put all those girls whom I hated in high school to shame. ...Don't lie, you've all thought about it too)


It's safe to say none of those things have happened.

 
1. I don't look perfect.
All those things people tell you about "growing out" of your acne phase are lies okay. Lies!
You grow up believing that once you hit 17, all your pimples and scars will magically disappear and you'll just wake up one morning with a beautiful complexion.
Lies!
I've sort of gotten over my break outs (except during PMS - it's like zit central on my face for about a week then), but I still have some pimple scars. Definitely don't have clear, Aishwarya Rai skin.
I am also decidedly overweight and far, far too comfortable to do anything about it. I mean, of course I have endless moments of self-doubt and I want to get in shape, but like. I also have a readily available stock of Nutella. And cake. Because life just sucks sometimes, okay, and chocolate makes it all better. Don't judge me.


2. No hot fiance.
Not even a hot boyfriend. Hell, not even a hot guy-at-workplace I can secretly fantasize about.
To add insult to injury, the last four guys I've had mini-crushes on, have all turned out to be very, very gay. Like in serious-relationship-with-long-term-boyfriend gay.
 
...always knew I was born the wrong gender. 


3. Lawyer? Yeah, right. 
So I definitely did not plan on ending up wandering the hallways of a hospital in a white coat at the wee hours of the morning with an empty wallet and in dire need of my sixteenth cup of coffee - on a regular basis, but hey, nothing else turned out as planned, right?
Well, at least there's Suits. *-*


4. Zero social life. 
I am going to blame Friends and HIMYM and pretty much every other American sitcom that depicts twenty-year-olds hanging out in bars with their friends and having the time of their lives.
I'm also going to blame Facebook for reminding me that other people do have awesome American-sitcom-type lives.
I haven't seen my friends in ages, due to my spending almost all my off days sleeping (I work sixteen-hour days, can you blame me?). And my idea of a good time is hanging out in a hidden corner in McDonald's and laughing until I cry. Not so much the drinking-dancing-dating scene.
And yes, yes, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with friends at a generic fast food restaurant, but let me tell you, from experience, you do not meet new people (or prospective future-husbands that way. Not that I'd want to marry someone I met in a club...but yeah)


5. I don't have my own apartment.
First off, I definitely don't have enough money to think of getting my own place. And it's definitely a lot cheaper to just stay with my parents. I'll admit I miss staying with my friends though.
It's a pity all of us are miserly enough not to want to blow half our salary on rent each month. Add that to the amount we have to fork out for petrol and toll and we'd barely have enough to eat, let alone save, each month.



I suppose I am lucky enough that I have a steady job, my own car, a loving family and an amazing bunch of friends.
But every now and then, you think of the person you thought you would be at 20, and you wonder how the hell you ended up where you are right now. 
And I never thought I'd be so tired at 24. 


Quarter-life crisis, indeed, eh? 




~vid~

Happy New Year!

I'm about 10 days too late, but whatever.

Happy New Year!

whee.
SO glad 2013 is over.
Let's leave it at that. 


So. Just realized I haven't updated this in like, forever.
Haven't updated since I started working.
How's everyone doing?
(hint : this is my not so subtle way of asking - does anyone still read this blog or have you all given up on me and my lack of commitment to blogging?)
^^



Work is.. quite frankly, insane.
I've started work at a university hospital (name not provided in case I ever accidentally bitch about something ...I don't want my ass hauled to court -.- Gotta watch what you say on the internet, yo)

Started with Internal Medicine, because I am a masochist.
 
I felt completely useless when I first started - could hardly take blood, or set lines, or do anything, basically.
God bless my first MO. Man had the patience of a saint and a personality that could put sunshine to shame.
I am not even kidding.
So lucky to have had him there while I was still finding my footing.
I've definitely improved a lot since then, thank goodness.
I've worked with three MOs and three Registrars (and two specialists!) so far, and they've all been equally amazing. So thankful they're patient and willing to teach.
I definitely wouldn't have improved as much if I'd had people scold/be mean whenever I messed up.

On-calls are a whole different horror story.
When I first started, we only had two housemen on-call per night - to cover 7 wards, and the CCU/CRW and HDW (Coronary Care Unit, Cardiac Rehab Ward and High Dependency Ward)...and yes, that is as crazy as it sounds.
We also don't have the shift-system that most other hospitals have, simply because we don't have enough housemen, so we still do on-calls.
[Sunday-Thursday calls are 36 hours, and Friday and Saturday calls are 24 hours.]
Whee.Also, while "post-call" is a good enough excuse for saying stupid things or being unable to answer when your boss asks you theoretical questions, it apparently doesn't warrant you going home early.
And we don't get post-call off days either.
E.g. if I'm on-call Sunday through Monday, then I work again on Tuesday as normal.

We've collectively agreed that thanks to how insane the system, it would be better to have three housemen on-call per night. So that's exactly what we're doing.
Only drawback is now we have two on-calls per week instead of just one.

Oh well.

The funny thing is, I actually seem to be happy.

I've had people ask me how I seem so happy all the time.
I've had people tell me I'm one of the friendliest people they've ever met.
I know my patients do like me.
This is a faaaaar cry from when I was in school/college/med school, where I seemed "arrogant and unapproachable"
So I suppose I must be happy where I am right now.

What was that saying?
I may not have gone where I meant to go, but I seem to have ended up exactly where I'm meant to be?

Yeah.


As you can probably tell, I'm half asleep and very distracted.
I will write a proper post the next time I blog, I promise.

Source of distraction :









 

Not looking forward to working tomorrow.
(yes I work on Sundays)
Going to a new ward - subspecialty, Haematology (all the blood stuff) - "daily difficult blood taking", as one of my friends so eloquently pointed out.

Meh.

I WILL SURVIVE.

Okay, goodnight.





~vid~