Limbo

OH MY GOD.

So I typed out the post below a few hours ago, 
and then decided to just scroll down the blog to just skim over the past few posts, 
and then I just had to click on that procrastination video ... and ended up on a youtubing spree. 



So much for starting my portfolio today.


The truth is, I quite simply have lost motivation.
Just two more portfolios left,
yet to be honest,
I just can't be bothered to get a move on them. 

No mood to study either.
6 weeks to the exam.

Not quite sure how we went from 6 months to just 6 weeks to be honest.
I guess I owe most of that to the current group I'm with.
I could write out a long, sappy paragraph about how I've grown to love them (actually I did, then I deleted it), but well.
Suffice to say that I do love them, and I'll miss them terribly when all this is over. 



Okay so I don't know where I was going with this post either.
 
Just feel the constant need to type and let out all my emotionsss~ nowadays.
Therapy. 





Was telling my mother the other day about how one of the boys in the group seemed really passionate about Engineering,
and her response was something along the lines of :
"Then why did his parents force him? If he's passionate about it, and he's good at it, then why force him into medicine? Why take away so many years of his life making him do medicine first?"

...
..hypocrite much, mummy dearest?



I could have been good at something else.
Instead I'm stuck trying desperately to finish a course that has ruined my self-esteem and completely broken me in spirit.

Don't you wish you had my life?





*curls up in blanket and hibernates until the end of time*



~vid~

Random Update #254637

Remember when I used to speak/type like an idiot with very poor grammar, on purpose, and when I used to create new words all the time? (i.s. the whole of 2008)
Good times, good times.


Also I happen to have developed a really stupid crush AND gotten myself into a totally Mujhse Dosti Karoge type situation where I'm playing Rani Mukherjee's character.
Say whaaaat?
I have an exam in 6 weeks oh my god I shouldn't be having time for this.

Here's a link to the Mujhse Dosti Karoge wiki page : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mujhse_Dosti_Karoge!
just so you know what I'm talking about and can sympathize with me accordingly.




 
Aaaaand here is Henry Cavill being outraged that I'm recommending Wikipedia as a credible info source.

 
(okay so I just really wanted his face on my blog)

(sorry not sorry)

 
MOARRR HENRY CAVILL :




 

Okay.

Obviously I've totally lost the point of this post..

Wanted to do a Man of Steel review, 
because of reasons (HENRY CAVILL)
...but I watched it over a week ago, and meh.
I'll probably do one after I'm done with my assignment, if only because its another excuse to have Henry Cavill's perfection of a face on my blog.

mm-hmm.



whee.

~vid~

In Need of Professional Help

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a famous internet personality and I can just come here and rant about my day and lots of people will actually care.




Anywayyyy, 


I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
*cricket buzz*

..doesn't that sound awfully familiar? 



Right so, 
Portfolio saga story!

Because I still haven't finished my surgical portfolio.

See what I mean by I need professional help?

So anyway, I finally wrote up like half the case (in a very haphazard manner, mind you) on Tuesday? and then yesterday (Thursday) I finally decided I had to get a move on my portfolio and typed out like two learning issues.
Took me all of 15 minutes.
I swear to God, if I didn't get so distracted all the time, I would finish all of my work in like 0.00005th of the time it takes me to complete my work now.

..that sentence probably didn't make sense but its like 2.30am and I'm wrestling with my conscience over my unfinished portfolio so I have no time to reread long-winded sentences on this blog post okay.
ahem.

I was supposed to finish my portfolio tonight, 
and then get down to studying.

I have a fucking exam on Tuesday.

WTF.

To be fair, they told us about it on Monday - which ideally, would have given us about a week to prepare..
...but considering I still haven't finished my portfolio, 
I'm left with about 3 days to revise all of Psych, Internal Med and Ortho.
Isn't it fun when you're told a week in advance about an exam, but everyone thinks its a great idea not to tell you which postings you're going to be tested on?


Should have finished my portfolio tonight; there really isn't much left to do - two learning issues and major editing, 
which would probably take me about half an hour IF (big IF) I don't procrastinate.

Which is obviously not going to happen.


Meh.

To sleep or to plough on and write rubbish while sleep-deprived?



Sleep it is.



Thank you for wasting precious minutes of your life to read this post.
I'd also appreciate it if you could waste a few more seconds clicking the ads on the right --->
(I AM SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING MONEY OFF THIS BLOGGING THING WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT HELPING)


Good night!




Can't I just go to sleep and wake up in September or something?






~vid~

Rock bottom

I DONT WANT TO DO MY PORTFOLIOOOOO.

~vid~

Character Death

There was no wind, and Rilla heard distinctly a dog howling in a melancholy way down in the direction of the station. Was it Dog Monday? And if it were, why was he howling like that? Rilla shivered; the sound had something boding and grievous in it. She remembered that Miss Oliver said once, when they were coming home in the darkness and heard a dog howl, "When a dog cries like that the Angel of Death is passing." Rilla listened with a curdling fear at her heart. It was Dog Monday - she felt sure of it. Whose dirge was he howling - to whose spirit was he sending that anguished greeting and farewell?

Rilla went back to bed but she could not sleep. All day she watched and waited with a dread of which she did not speak to anyone. She went down to see Dog Monday and the station-master said, "That dog of yours howled from midnight to sunrise something weird. I dunno what got into him. I got up once and went out and hollered at him but he paid no 'tention to me. He was sitting all alone in the moonlight out there at the end of the platform, and every few minutes the poor lonely beggar'd lift his nose and howl as if his heart was breaking. He never did it afore - always slept in his kennel real quiet and canny from train to train. But he sure had something on his mind last night."

Dog Monday was lying in his kennel. He wagged his tail and licked Rilla's hand. But he would not touch the food she brought for him.

"I'm afraid he's sick," she said anxiously. She hated to go away and leave him. But no bad news came that day - nor the next - nor the next. Rilla's fear lifted. Dog Monday howled no more and resumed his routine of train meeting and watching. When five days had passed the Ingleside people began to feel they might be cheerful again. Rilla dashed about the kitchen helping Susan with the breakfast and singing so sweetly and clearly that Cousin Sophia across the road heard her and croaked out to Mrs. Albert

" 'Sing before eating, cry before sleeping.' I've always heard."

But Rilla Blythe shed no tears before the nightfall. When her father, his face grey and drawn and old, came to her that afternoon and told her that Walter had been killed in action at Courcelette she crumpled up in a pitiful little heap of merciful unconsciousness in his arms. Nor did she awaken to her pain for many hours.

- Rilla of Ingleside, by Lucy Maud Montgomery

 

I've been sobbing for the past one hour.

Every time; every single time I read this book, 
I start sobbing like there's no tomorrow at this bit, and I don't quite stop until the very end of the book, and then I usually cry some more.

I first read this book when I was 12 (I think), and I've re-read it at least 30 times since then, 
and although I know Walter is going to die, 
his death stabs me right through the heart every time.
It's been years and years and I still haven't gotten over Walter Blythe dying.



For those of you who don't know, 
Rilla of Ingleside is the eighth and last book of the Anne of Green Gables series.
It's one of my favourites of the series, partly because it's so bittersweet.

If you haven't read the series yet ...GO READ IT. NOW.

I grew up with Anne, and Gilbert, and their children. And every few months, I get the urge to pick up one of the books and read my favourite sections.

Particularly now, when I've resorted to turning to my old books for comfort.

There's something so warm and secure about being able to turn to a book like an old friend, and to seek out phrases or chapters that got you through troubled times once before.
And to know that the same familiar characters will step through the pages to help pull you through turmoil once again.


(am I making sense?)
 





In other news, 
I still have made no progress on my portfolio.
(but hey look, I blogged twice in one day!)

Also having major pms right now, 
which would probably explain all the uncharacteristic weeping I've been doing the past few days.
 

 ~vid~

Procrastination Post #23029

Okay, 

I am supposed to be going out in about 10 minutes (which is obviously not happening now that I've started this post) so this is going to be rushed, 
and since Im'm also listening to emo hindi songs while typing this out, this post is also probably going to be rather incoherent.

But yes, anyway...





First off, Congratulations C2/10!
My batch (or my old batch, rather - not that any of you are reading this) is graduating today!

In case you haven't quite made the connection yet... I am not graduating with them.
Did not pass my final exam in February.

There.
Finally mentioned this on the blog.
But I'm not going to be wallowing in emotionssss today.
I refuse to.
God knows I've done enough feeling sorry for myself over the past few months.




Moving onnn,


Today's post is about...
*drumroll*

Procrastination!

...actually, I just came across this video yesterday, 
(while procrastinating on starting my portfolio *cough*)
and I was itching to share it somewhere on the Internet, but I've already been spamming my twitter and tumblr more than I usually do, 
and then it hit me...I have a blog!

ahem.

I've been starting my portfolio since last weekend, 



On Monday, I finally opened my old portfolio - because we usually just use the old portfolios as templates for the new ones; just change the content here and there, 
and all I did was change the professor's name on every page (because I'm handing my new portfolio in to a diff professor), 
and ...well, that's it.

That's like 0.00005% progress, but its all the progress I've made over the past one week.
I kid you not.
We don't have a specific deadline, 
but I thiiiink I was supposed to get it done by last weekend.

Oh well.
Oops.

Right so anyway, 
this video yesterday hit really close to home, 
because this is exactly what I've been doing for the past one week. 
(Also what I do when I'm supposed to be studying for exams - minus the printer bit)

Ta-daa!









I have missed blogging.

I will TRY, 
-Keyword : TRY (in caps in case you missed it)-
to blog more often in the coming few weeks.

or not.
Depending on how depressed I am.

And I don't mean depressed as in sad,
I mean depressed as in depressed.
DSM criteria and all that good stuff.



meh.

And now, I really have to go.
And as a sign of protest against the universe for not allowing me to graduate today,

I am going to go get some weird colour in my hair, and another piercing or something.
Because that's what rebellious teenagers like myself do when we're upset.

...what no I'm not in denial about my age what are you talking about.




I WILL BE FUNNIER THE NEXT TIME I POST I PROMISE.



~vid~

Retirement

And now David Beckham has retired.

I give up.
I just. ..
I give up.


First Edwin van der Sar, 
and then Gary Neville, 
and then this year, Sir Alex Ferguson, 
Paul Scholes, 
Phil Neville (yes I know he plays for Everton but I have always loved him and always will ok)
and now Becks.


WHAT IS THIS SOME KIND OF DOMINO EFFECT.


If Giggy goes any time soon too, I will just break down and cry and refuse to go on with life.


I'm going to go curl up in my blanket and weep forever now.



Football, bloody hell.


~vid~

The Legend Leaves

This is going to be an emotional, rushed, incoherent post.

Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement today.
After passing hints all week that he wasn't ready to leave, that he wouldn't leave just yet...today, he announces that he will retire at the end of this season.

It has taken a while for the shock to set in.
For me to able to come to terms with the fact that the legend - THE legend - is leaving us.

I am 23 years old.
Sir Alex has been manager for United for 26 years.
I have never known a United without him.

19 years I've supported this club, I've seen players come and go, (except Ryan Giggs), 
I've cried over old players leaving, 
I've welcomed new players into my heart and then cried again when they left too,
but that's what football is about.
Circle of life, and all that.

But Sir Alex leaving just seems so horribly, horribly wrong.
It's like my entire foundation has been rocked.

Part of me doesn't want to accept that he's leaving.
Part of me hopes that he will pull a Paul Scholes and come out of retirement again, 

but part of me has begun to accept it.

I don't want to know who his successor will be.
Not today.
It will be too final.

And I honestly don't know how to accept anyone else in this place.
Will I love them as much as I loved Sir Alex?

..I know I will. I love the club so much that anyone who stands at the helm will be loved regardless.
But still.

Like one of the other fans tweeted, 
It's like your Dad is retiring from being your Dad.

That's exactly what it feels like.



But thank you, Sir Alex.
Thank you for being there for us all these years.
Thank you for United.
Thank you for all the wins, all the trophies, all the glory.
Thank you for all the players you turned into stars.

Thank you for making me fall in love with football.


We will miss you.
The hairdryer treatments,
Fergie time, 
watching you on the sidelines.
We will miss you very, very much

Thank you for everything.




Now excuse me while I go drown my emotions in a flood of tears.

~vid~

Written in the stars

Okay, 
so if I'm apparently "destined" to marry a guy who is :

- tall
- medium-fair (whatever that is supposed to mean)
- and has a long nose

 ...does that mean I can just get married to Karan Singh Grover?

(I mean just look at him)



 

~vid~



p.s. HELLO YOU GUYS THE FANGIRL IS BACK. I know you missed me. Don't lie. 

p.s.2. yes yes I just needed the excuse to spam.

.

I'm still alive, in case anyone's wondering.




~vid~