thats exactly what i feel like doing. taking all my troubles and heartaches and giving them to the wind. to be blown far far away. so that they never find me again.
i would write them out on paper. a million times over, if it would do any good. but it never does help. i have so many things to pour out, and yet, when i have a pen in my hand, i get stuck, and i cannot think of what i want to say. even to myself. zero. nil. zilch.
and i cannot cry. not that i dont want to. but i just.. cant. not over things like this. its as if my mind thinks that some things are not worth crying over and hence, stops me from doing something i would regret later. because i would regret. if i cried over something that wasnt worth it. and yet, sometimes, i just want to be able to cry and cry and cry. in the hope that i might at least feel a bit better after that. goodness, how does anyone hope to be able to cry?
i want to run away. some place far far away. where i can just find peace for a while. right now, i feel like im standing on the edge of the cliff.
im not holding on, yet im not falling either. and i know the fall is inevitable, i just dont know when its about to come. and the wait is what is killing me.sometimes, i just want to be detached from the world that has studying and homework included in it. sometimes, i just want to be alone with my thoughts. completely alone. to have all the time i want to be able to mull things over. time to be able to sit and stare into space and do absolutely nothing. time to just let go, and let me slowly find myself again.
i know its said that its good to have people surround you, when you're down. to distract you, to comfort you, to help pull you through the darkness. but that only works if its the right person. and if that one person cant be there for you, you pretty much dont want anyone else.and sometimes, thats when u need a pinkie. :)
im not going to apologise for being emo this time. but in any case, i shall stop.
~vid~
