My sky just fell

Today, the most perasan person I've known in my entire life says this to me :

*name not provided to protect privacy* says:
ive always been ugly vidya
last time just syok sendiri all ni
now grown up dy


Wth?


I'm putting this here, because I want to remember that you said this.
I feel like the sky just fell down and shattered into a million pieces.

I'm in shock.

People do change, huh?

Wow.

~vid~

Meh :)

There are two different songs stuck in my head.
They keep playing alternatively. -__-
Its a rather odd combination too, considering one is in Hindi and the other in English.

Tere bin main yun kaise jiya
How am I living without u
Kaise jiya tere bin
How did I live without you
Tere bin main yun kaise jiya
Kaise jiya tere bin

~Tere Bin (Bas Ek Pal), Atif Aslam

And if I ever lose myself to you
Like a million others want to do
Somebody wake me
Somebody just help me out

~Leading Me On, Hyrise

The Leading Me On is quite nice, actually...well if you're into Boyband-ish music. :)
I have no idea why they only sang one song...they're really not too bad.
Ah well.

While I'm at it,
Can I Have This Dance from HSM3 is also nice. Me likey zat song :D
No comment about the movie though, didn't watch it.
I find musicals annoying.
They break into song like every 2 minutes! -__-
Might as well watch a Hindi movie okay.

AND where does everyone come off condemning Hindi movies so much huh???
Whats the difference between hindi movies and musicals?!
Musicals also have ten thousand people just randomly getting up and dancing in the same time to the same tune right?? -__-
At least Hindi movies got nice songs and handsome actors and nice clothes. AND we go to places like Switzerland and Egypt to dance k. Iz cool.
Hmph.




Actually I have nothing substantial to blog about, as usual.
I've said this so many times I've lost count.
I think if there was some kind of phrase statistic (like that status statistics on facebook)...my most used phrase would be "I have nothing to blog about, really"
Meh.
ooooh, and my random blog phrase would be...hmmm..."Guys who can fly are SEXY"
Hee. =D

Excuse the randomness. ><

I iz listening to Across the Stars now.
I love love love love love that theme.
To like infinity and beyond.
*Insert bunny-cuddling-pillow/bottle-emoticon here*


Why is no one online la?
Do you know how absolutely depressing it is to be online when no one else is online??


I shall byebye y'all now.
Iz having a staring competition with my wall. The wall is currently winning.
No fair.
Pfft.


~vid~

And I wake up in such euphoria, only to have it all come crashing down.

I keep thinking today is Tuesday.
-__-



I don't want to go back to IMU :(
Plus, this is probably really random la, but I'm dreading CSU for Repro.
So awkwardddd.
Meh.



I want a dragon.
Dragons are cool.





I'm tired, and too lazy to blog, really.
But I'm updating because otherwise everytime I visit this page I keep seeing the Suicide Interrupted post.
Like very syok sendiri only.
Meh.



P.S. I like saying this. Meh. MEHHHHH. :D



Why cant today be Tuesday?
:(



In less than two weeks, I'll be 19.
N.I.N.E.T.E.E.N
I feel bloody ancient now.
-__-
Don't come and 'if you feel ancient what are we supposed to feel' me, because its not my fault that you're older.
If you want to feel ancient-er than me, by all means go ahead.
I still feel ancient.

I want to be 17 again.
17 was a good age. I was in Taylor's when I was 17.
Wuz cool to be doing Pre-U at 17.
Meh.



...



OMG MEH IS AN OFFICIAL WORD!
HOW COOL IS THAT?!
Meh : an interjection to suggest indifference or boredom - or as an adjective to say something is mediocre or a person is unimpressed
According to the Collins dictionary okay!
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/11/17/meh/
SOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOOOL. :D



Meh meh meh meh meh :D



Nitenite y'all. :)



~vid~

Suicide Interrupted

Found something I wrote back in Form 5.
Wrote it initially for the School Mag - Gemala, cos they said they wanted something morbid...but apparently this turned out too morbid.
-__-




Suicide Interrupted

I looked at the knife
I looked long into the mirror
I thought of my pathetic life
No wish had I to suffer further

Though among crowds, I felt alone
I felt my family did care no more
I felt unwelcome - at school, at home
I did not know who I was anymore

So, I gripped the knife real tight
The veins in my wrist could be seen clearly
My courage I summoned with all my might
To take my life - was I really ready?

One last look around the room
(or so I thought)
Before facing my miserable doom
But then my eyes were caught -

A book on the shelf, the culprit
It called to me, though it lay still
Tried to focus on my plan, to ignore it
But, ah, the cat did curiosity kill

I picked it up, began to read
T'was a book on how to believe
I lost my wish to die - there was no need
I gained instead the will to live

I thank God now for that timely(?) interruption
He put that book upon that shelf
Among its pages, in the roots of religion
I found my faith, I found myself...

Vidya G Pillai. '06. All rights reserved





Very morbid meh?

Its been almost three years since I've written anything else.
Just...haven't had inspiration.
Hmmm.


~vid~

Atif Aslam

na janay kab say
umeedain kuch baaki hain
mujhe phir bhi teri yaad kyun aathi
I don't know since when
Some hopes expectations still remain (unfulfilled?)
Even then why do thoughts of you keep coming

na janay kab say
jithna bhi tum mujh se
teray mein
I don't know since when
No matter how far you are away from me
The closer I get to you

ab tho aadat si hai mujh ko aisay jeenay mein
Now I have formed a habit of living like this

~Atif Aslam, Aadat~

No Jea Mie, I'm not emoing. I just like this song.
:)


Just found out today that two judges on two separate singing shows have called Atif's singing rubbish.
Which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
There's no way Atif is even close to rubbish!

(For those who watch hindi movies, he's the one who sang Pehli Nazar Mein in the movie Race)




For a singer who has had no formal vocal training, hes got a very good control of his voice.
His vocals are simply awesome.
Its completely unfair to say he sticks to one style of singing, because he sings rock as well as all those melodius movie songs.
I think he rocks!
Especially because he sang my one of my favouritest songs ever.

Listen to this and decide for yourselves whether he's rubbish or not.

Bakhuda Tumhi Ho - Kismet Konnection


I think they're just prejudiced because he's Pakistani.
Enough with the racism already!
-__-





On another completely unrelated note, I've been running into alot of decidedly good-looking Mid-Eastern guys lately.
Nice, helpful, good-looking Mid-Eastern guys.
Now if only I was hot la kan.....

meh.

~vid~

UnfairUnfairUNFAIR

How...HOW unfair is it that Dorian Gray is not playing in Malaysia?!
Rubbish.
RUBBISH!

I loved the story when I first read it....which was like when I was 12/13?
And the movie adaptation looks loyal to the original...
PLUS it has Ben Barnes as Dorian Gray!





HOW CAN THEY NOT PLAY IT IN MALAYSIA!?

WHY ARE WE SO DEPRIVED!?

GAH.

~vid~

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

OHMYGAWD out of the blue today I suddenly realised I so completely miss this show!




I used to watch it like everyday before my parents took off the Disney-Nickelodeon-Cartoon Network package from Astro (something about me not being there much and it being too expensive)
I loooooooved it!

Ok as you can see I'm very excited right now.
AND THEY HAVE EPISODES OF IT ON YOUTUBE!
I'm a youtube freak...I watch everything on youtube...movies, tv series, everything.
Works for me :D :D

Does anyone know if they still run it on Nickelodeon!?



p.s. I havent been blogging much lately...not because there's nothing to blog about, but cause well I'm to engrossed in enjoying life. LOL.

p.s.2. Theres ALOT of stuff I should tell you guys about...like Spiderman, and how awesome New York (the movie) is, and yeah a couple of other stuff...but I'll blog about it tmr k?



Ok I want to go watch Are You Afraid of the Dark? now.



looooooves,
~vid~



p.s.3 I very hyper today. Bear with me :)

Walk with me a little

Hasade jaraasa tu teri hansi se mere kal ho hasi
Bas itna chahon mein is zindagi se zyaada kuch nahin

Chal tujhko aa chupalon, apni main bahoon mein
Chal khwaab kuch sajaa dun, teri in nigahon mein


...if you would just let me.

~vid~

Changes

I attempted learning swimming for the 1st time today.

I bought a dress.

I've been doing alot of things this semester that I would never even have considered doing previously.

Maybe I have changed.

:D

~vid~

Sleepy

This is EXACTLY what I do during class.
Couldn't have found a better way to put it.





Hey, well at least I attend class nowadays right?? :p


~vid~

The Blustery Day

Eh I got story to tell you all today.
Like proper story la k...finally rite? :D

So yesterday night, Shalini did laundry, and hung part of the clothes on our balcony.
And since we live on the 16th floor kan, we always put pegs on our clothes, you know in case of the wind and all.
So yesterday oso she put pegs and all la kan.

Then today afternoon, after PBL (we skipped lecture...duh :p) we came back home....
....and of the 9 clothes that were hung on the balcony last night...
...only 1 miserable singlet was left.

Guess where the other clothes were??

One pink T-shirt was on a balcony in the 10th floor.
Two tracksuits and two other singlets and one black t-shirt was on an 8th floor balcony.
One green T-shirt was on a 7th floor balcony.
One grey shirt is still missing.

THEY ALL FLEW OFF OUR BALCONY.
WITH THE PEGS.
Pause for a second and think about it.
IT WAS HILARIOUS! :D

So basically we had to go la, floor by floor,
ring random doorbells and ask for our clothes back.
LOL.
And since we didn't know where the grey shirt was, we had to go ask Vista Management to put up a notice asking whoever found any clothes in their balcony to please return it to them, and not throw it away.
:p
Plus we put up our own handwritten notices on the lift doors in our block.

I'm actually surprised no one laughed in our faces la when we went to ask for our clothes.
Am I the only one who found the whole situation funny ah?
It really was quite funny la.

Plus we got hit on by this super cute Mid-Eastern guy in our hunt for the missing clothes.
Wtf man.
:D


~vid~

Its a small world after all

This is SUCH a small world.
ME. NO. LIKE.

Scenario 1 :
My neighbour's friend's girlfriend....is my cousin.

Scenario 2 :
The guy my roommate has a crush on...is my best friend's other best friend's brother.

Scenario 3 :
The cute senior I'm crushing on in uni...is my housemate's friend's brother.

-___-





Today, I realised, that no matter how much I keep telling myself its over,
and that I no longer feel anything,
that it will not work out...
...I can't stop myself from falling for this fella la. (NOT the senior btw)

I don't like the feeling. :(

Once you've met someone who is so perfect...how do you settle for anyone normal again?

Best three weeks of my life.
I want them back. :(



~vid~

My awesome house owner

My house owner just came.
At 10pm.

To.
Give.
Us.
...
...
...
CHOCOLATE.

O_O

LOTS OF CHOCOLATE.
like SIX whole packs of Beryl's chocolate. All diff flavours.
plus FRUIT CAKE.
plus BISCUITS.

O_O

I'm still in shock.

I love her.

LOL.

K la this is a sign.
This is going to be a GOOOOOOOOOOD week. :D

~vid~

Insertrandomtitlehere

Hi hi.
:D



I damn sleepy now, but just wanted to say hi, cos I know I have opened this page four times at random points throughout the past two days, but have failed to type anything.
Wah.
Damn long sentence.



Right.
So I'm going to sleep now.
hee :D



Yes I is damn lame, tqvm.



OH
AND
THERE SHOULD BE SOME KIND OF RULE THAT DOESNT ALLOW PEOPLE TO HOG THE POOL TABLE AT STUDENT LOUNGE!
I see the same people there EVERY day.
Summore can play like its their grandfather's table k.
Like, hello, let other people play for awhile can??
I have had to resort to monopolising the foos table.
Cos I cant play pool.
And cos no one plays foos anyway. The table always empty.
Bleh.



My English is deteriorating.



Ok bye. :D

~vid~

Down

I'm crazy in love with this song.
....and with Jay Sean all over again. :D

It's awesome to have celebrity crushes, isn't it?


Down - Jay Sean feat. Lil' Wayne





I have this major thing for Indian guys with sharp features and the whole shaved-head look. ;)


~vid~

Codes of Conduct - Part II

After someone just walks off and leaves you,
when the people you thought were your friends still talk, and on top of it, start flirting with him,

do you have the right to be upset about it??

Or do you just have to accept that they have a right to do whatever they want with whoever they want, and leave it at that?

~vid~

At the Beginning

Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

-At the Beginning, Anastasia (the cartoon)~

I feel like singing. :D

Yes, I'm random.
Yes, I have inexplicable mood swings that are hard to keep up with.

But face it, you still love me. :)

If I stopped being unpredictable, you'd love me anyway, wouldn't you?


~vid~

Who am I now?

Sometimes I wonder where did it all go wrong.
How did I become this person?

There's this girl in the mirror, and I don't know who she is.
All I see in her is the mask I have to put on everyday.

I get up every morning, somehow paste on a smile...
And go out there and pretend to act witty, and funny and smart...when I'm really not.

I don't know how to act cute
or sophisticated
or popular
or responsible
or mature
or...anything for that matter.
I only know how to be me.

And today, I don't even know who I am anymore.

Truth be told, my parents are not responsible for who I am now.
For the past 8 years at least I've not told my parents alot of things.
I've not asked for their help for alot of things.
For the past 8 years, I've had to grow up on my own.
And that can make you a very bitter person.

I don't see the difference between a house and a home.
I'm cold.
I can't be bothered with things that don't affect me personally.

One of these days I'm going to turn into Christina Yang.

And yet...at the end of the day,
I'm not this cold, insensitive person.
I'm really not.

Like I said.
I don't know who I am anymore.


If I turned out to be plain and boring and stupid, would you still love me?


~vid~

Mimpi Yang Sempurna

Yesterday's post was a bit off.
LOL.

I know there are ten thousand people out there who are there for me whenever I need them,
who still love me as I am...would never change a thing about me.

And yet.
Today I'm feeling lonely.

Its just one of those days when deep down you know life is still good,
but you just feel sad anyway.


Listening to Mimpi yang Sempurna by Peter Pan
The lyrics fit me very well right now.

- Peterpan Lyrics

Love the acoustic version. :)

Mimpi Yang Sempurna - Peter Pan

Mimpi Yang Sempurna (Acoustic) - Peter Pan

(the intro part for the acoustic version bit annoying though. cant find a version without the intro)



~vid~

Wants a dog

I am crazy sleepy right now.
But am blogging cos I didn't blog yesterday...and I simply must maintain my reputation of being the jobless-avid-blogger.
:D


Submitted my Electives Report today.
Getting it bound was like the best feeling ever.
Don't ask my why.
I just love the satisfaction of successfully completing a project.
Especially stuff like reports and all.
Damn leceh to complete ok.
Probably cos I'm like this mad perfectionist.
Everything has to have the same amount of spacing. Same amount of indentation. Must have enough indentation from the side to allow for binding. Must look professional. Must not be difficult to read. Etc. Etc.
Everything needs to be perfect.
Probably also explains why I take forever to complete a simple 10-page report hor?



I'm missing someone very badly.
I should so get a dog.



I heard it helps with the loneliness.



~vid~

How did you end up lost at sea?

Ever have one of those days when no matter how optimistic you try to be,
everything just goes wrong,
and you get to this point where you just feel like pulling out all your hair by its roots?
To this point where you just wish you had someone to call, who would fix everything for you, or at least tell you everything is going to be ok.

What do you do, when something you've worked so hard for just goes down the drain?
Its not very easy to pick yourself up again and go on.

Am I too old to throw a tantrum and scream at God?

~vid~

Reports, coffee beans, and inspirations.

Someone spilt water all over my Elective notes yesterday.
Most of my notes have been washed away.


Everything that I wrote in coloured pen (you know those Buncho ones you can get at the photocopy shop in IMU)


THANK GOD that all my procedures were written in ballpoint.
That's still intact.
Or my entire report would have been washed right away with all that ink.
-__-

It was completely not my fault,
Yet,
somehow I feel like yelling at myself.

If only I hadn't been so engrossed in the tv that I'd had to move my books and laptop from the dining table to the carpet in the hall.
If only I had stuck to sensible ball point pens instead of those stupid coloured ones.
If only I'd finished my report earlier.

Procrastination so does not pay.
-__-

I still have more than enough info for my report, but it still somehow feels that one month's hard work has just gone down the drain.

Its funny how suddenly my priorities have become so clear cut.
Funny how it took going to India for that to happen.

Came across something that I wrote while I was in India,
about a patient who has optic nerve atrophy.
I'll put it up here.

30th July

...But the saddest part is, hes going blind. I just read his case sheet. If I could have cried over it without seeming like a total idiot, I would have. Hes 18 years old and hes losing his vision.

If I were in that position I don’t think I would be able to handle having had perfect eyesight and then suddenly losing all vision, even colour.

31st July

Talked to him today. Like I said earlier, hes got a major problem with his vision, and yet, YET the boy tries out every year for his basketball team. He never gives up, no matter how many times they reject him, no matter how many times he dislocates his shoulder, no matter how many times he bangs into the wall and breaks his teeth.

AND HE HAS A DRIVING LICENSE.

Hes so determined, so spirited…

I felt so insignificant after talking to him. If I were in his position I would have probably cried my life away and wallowed for like forever in self-pity.

He’s so determined to live life as normally as he can, to the maximum.

It’s inspiring, and amazing, and I feel abashed for every time I have given up on something. :(

My life is near perfect, and yet I used to find reasons to whine, everyday.
Yet, when compared to people like this,
people who face physical challenges on top of everything else, from the minute they get out of bed every morning...what right do I have to complain??
Where do I come off saying life is sad?


When put in boiling water, I've been alternating between being the carrot and the egg.
I guess its time to become the coffee bean.


(If you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, read this)


K.
Enough philosophy for one morning.
Going to finish my report, and pass it to my mentor to read before class starts.
By hook or by crook.
No more procrastinating.

Oh, and btw
HAPPY ONAM EVVYBODY :)


~vid~

You Muslim, right?

This is going to be a very syok-sendiri-cum-mo-liu post.

So on Saturday I went for threading.
Then halfway rite, the lady suddenly goes..."You muslim right?"

O_O
At that point the only thing going through my mind was...Muslim!? I that good-looking meh??
Cos well, as far as Malayalee Muslims go, they're pretty good looking la k.
...the guys la anyway :D

So my "Nooo" came out very slowly.

"Oh...you Punjabi then?"

O_O
Ok...what?
Punjabi?!
Yea, ok maybe there are dark-skinned punjabis and everything...but my features look punjabi meh?!
Do I even look remotely North Indian?!


I've been asked if I was Chindian before...never been asked if I was Punjabi.

Compliment? ...or not?

~vid~