The epic failure that was my EOP.

So my EOP just finished.

And I crammed like mad for it right?

Like seriously.
I crammed EVERYTHING in CVS, Respi and Renal.
Read up on CNS - stroke, seizure, etc etc.
Ran through my rheumato.
Actually browsed through infectious diseases...

And what do I get for my EOP today?

A patient with liver failure.

FUCKING LIVER FAILURE.

OUT OF EVERYTHING. THE ONE TOPIC THAT I LEAVE OUT.

WHAT ARE THE FUCKING ODDS MAN.


Okay, fine, so I know my shit.
Complications, and signs and bla bla.

BUT HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER MEDICATION FOR HEPATITIS C?
AND PARACENTESIS. EXCUSE ME FOR FORGETTING THE STUPID PERITONEAL TAP WAS CALLED PARACENTESIS. UGH.



I hate exams ohmygod.


Prof Rifdy is adorable and nice and all that la,
but the frustration of not remembering everything about liver failure just overrode everything else ok.

ITS NOT FAIR OK. I REALLY DID MAKE AN EFFORT FOR THIS EXAM.
UGH.




Guess who I met in the lift on the way down after exam?
Prof Lionel!
Who had coincidentally just finished his Surgery EOP.

The whole situation was just so ironic....I just wanted to laugh so badly omg.

He remembers that I'm in Internal Med now! yay!
HE REMEMBERS ME.
aww :)

And I told him I was just done with my EOP, and he asked me how it was,
and I WAS SO BLOODY TEMPTED to say
"Better than my Surgery EOP"

But then I decided to just shut up.
Prof Lionel's sarcasm >>>> my sarcasm any day.



YAY TWO WEEKS OFF :D
then exam.
THEN ANOTHER TWO WEEKS OFF. :DDDDD

Where the hell did Sem 6 go, man?


~vid~

One more day.

I just feel burned out.

Woke up insanely late today and missed Prof Rumi's CP.
Not sure if that was a blessing in disguise or not.

I just hope I manage to wake up in time for exam tomorrow.

I hope I actually sleep tonight.

My head is so full of information.
Too much, too fast.
ugh.
I didn't even study this much for Phase 1.



Half a day left!

Hopefully Prof Rifdy is nice. :)


I pretty much just feel like shit right now.


~vid~

this has been a post.

Vidya Gopinadhan Pillai, you are so unbelievably full of bullshit.

ANOTHER TWO DAYS.
Lord, give me the patience to stare my books in the eye without wanting to stab them with a spork.


~vid~

EOP brought forward.

My EOP was supposed to be on the 10th of Feb!

Prof Rifdy confirmed it with me last Thursday,
he didn't want it this week, or during the CNY week.
He thought it would be much neater if we did it with Summatives.

And so, what do I do all weekend?
I pretty much shove aside studying, and instead lepak at the hospital in the hope of being able to do procedures, and find patients for report/summary/etc.
Its not even like I slacked the whole weekend.
I did manage to fit in some studying, but I thought I would have the luxury to pace myself right?

AND TODAY HE SAYS HE WANTS IT THIS THURSDAY.


NOT COOL.
NOT BLOODY FAIR.


I don't even know where to start studying!

My renal is shit!
I can't put together signs for nuts to even begin to come up with a diagnosis.
Respi at least can still bullshit somehow.

I don't even have time to study anything thoroughly!


This is SO not fair ok!



I wanted to do medicine well after screwing up Surgery.




I tell you these Sri Lankan lecturers are the bane of my existence.





~vid~

Bloopers?

So.
Because I'm awake again, and because I'm a bit of a bitch,

I'm going to share with you ridiculous stuff I found in the case notes okay.

This does not count as breaching patient confidentiality because I'm not revealing the patient's name or sickness.

yep.

Okay.

Verbatim from the case notes.


10/1/2011 - Patient staying with sister. Unmarried. No children.

12/1/2011 - Spoke to patient's huband. Doctor explained regarding treatment and management. Patient's husband understood.

13/1/2011 - Patient single, unmarried. Staying with sister and sister's son.



...
I personally would LOVE to know where they found that husband.




Another case.

Patient has like a gazillion complaints la okay.
Heart, kidneys, liver all problematic.

So every day they write out each complaint on the case notes right.

And one day,

10/1/2011 2.30pm - Patient sleeping. No complaint.



...

No shit.
The patient was sleeping! Of course she wasn't complaining about anything atm!

-_-




Yeah.


Because the housemen in Seremban are awesome really.





~vid~

On-call

HAI U GUIZ.

Just got back from my overnight on-call.

Yep.
You read that right.
Overnight.
:D

Dunno why so enthu, but then again, not like there's much else to do by way of entertainment in Seremban.

Woke up at 11am yesterday, went out to study in the afternoon til about 7-ish?
YES I STUDY OK.
And then came back, washed up and went to the hospital.
Nothing was happening, so we got bored and went to mamak til about 12,
And then went back to HTJ and parked ourselves in 6A.
We're supposed to be there this week anyway.


Not much happened though.
I suppose I should be thankful for that...wishing for something to happen is basically wishing for one of the patients to collapse or die or something.

yeah.

Took blood from a few patients.
Nice to know I can still do it well, despite having not done venepuncture in over a month.
My hands were shaking though.
Although that might have been the effect of the 5 cups of coffee + not much food.

mmm.
So we stayed til about 5.30.
Then we got really bored, so we went to sleep in the student lounge in IMU.

It was too bright, so I mostly attempted dozing off/surfed the Internet/stared aimlessly into space while Mhirah slept.
At 7 the cleaners started coming in, and I, being the self-conscious prat I am,
decided to sit up like a decent human being and continue staring aimlessly into space,
instead of being sprawled all over the couch like I was earlier.

Then after awhile we went for breakfast at the cafe,
then back to the wards for ward rounds.
(I HAVE NO IDEA WHY WE WERE SO ENTHU)
By 9 I was crashing...my brain just wasn't working at all.


Had a surprise today though.
Dr Chan, on the extremely rare occasions that he does open his mouth to talk to the patients, actually has a rather lovely voice.
Its so deep,
and
nice.
But he hardly ever talks.
So we don't get to hear it much.
How sad.

Dr Shivanan is pretty awesome, once you look past his permanent PMS.

But then again, I would PMS too if my houseman told me it took 3 days to get back results of an FBC.
-_-
yeah.


Right, so by 11 we left.
And ate lunch.
And now I'm back home typing this out.


Its 1.10 now, and I've officially been awake for more than 24 hours.
I'm tired.
My foundation has worn off, as has my eyeliner.
I SHOULD look like absolute crap.

But I don't.
I look like I slept 10 hours and then just woke up at 8 and went for ward rounds.


yeah.


I'm going to go sleep now.


Good night my lovelies!



~vid~

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

LOVE this song.
And the lyrics, and the concept behind them.

Its just so beautiful.

I also happen to love Kurt's version much better than the original, so putting up an edited version of Kurt's video here (this one edited out all his adorably awkward rambling in the beginning) :



I will follow you into the dark - Death Cab for Cutie (covered by Kurt Schneider)




Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark




Life is too short to listen to bad music.


~vid~

You

On another note, one of my all-time favourite songs :

You - Switchfoot




There's always something in the way
There's always something getting through
but it's not me
it's You, it's You

sometimes ignorance rings true
but hope is not in what i know
it's not in me..me
it's in You, it's in You

it's all i know
it's all i know
it's all i know

i find peace when i'm confused
i find hope when i'm let down
not in me ... me
in You
it's in you

i hope to lose myself for good
i hope to find it in the end
not in me ... me
in You
in You
in You

it's all i know
it's all i know
it's all i know

in You
in You
its in You
its in You

there's always something in the way
there's always something getting through
but it's not me
it's You
it's You
it's You



Also loved that they used it in the soundtrack for A Walk To Remember.



~vid~

untitled

Ignore me.

Woke up late and missed class today, so I've had the whole day to myself.

Its been one of those days where I just sit in my room and cry,
and then stop crying and feel better for a bit and smile to myself,
and then suddenly break down and cry again.

I think I'm officially going mad.

yep.

If you ask me if I'm okay I will probably punch you in the face.
Please don't pretend to care when you really don't.


~vid~

Memory

Has anyone ever found memory a curse?

I remember so much.

From my childhood.
From school.
From forever.

I remember people. Random people I've met maybe once in my life.
People I've had random conversations with one day and never met again.
People I grew up with and moved away from.
Things that happened that made deep imprints on my memory, but not on anyone else's.

I feel like Lilo from Lilo and Stitch, lying in bed saying "I remember everyone who leaves".

I do.

I remember alot.

And the part where it cuts deep is running into someone and remembering them, and realising you never left as deep an mark on their lives as they did in yours.
Feeling insignificant.

Sometimes I just wish I could forget.
everything.
Everyone who hurt me,
everyone I've fallen in love with,
everyone.
everything.



What is this all for really?

What is the point of remembering so much, when it only hurts me?




~vid~

Dreams. And then some.

Its been a very weird couple of days.

Just need to post up things that I can look over again in a few days and try to sort out.
mm.
yeah.
Don't mind me.









~vid~

Falling apart

I feel like I'm falling apart.


So you all know about my sinus problem.

And I had food poisoning (?) yesterday.
Spent half the day retching over the toilet bowl until there was no food in my system anymore.

Not so sure it was food poisoning as much as it could have been the side effects of Augmentin.

Because my parents went out around 11 yesterday, told me to wait for them for lunch (and there was no food in the house anyway)
and then they ate lunch outside,
neglected to tell me that they were eating,
and came back at 4.

By which time I was starving.

Literally.

And by 6 the cramps started.

It was just torture okay.



And last night my ankles gave out.
For no reason.

They just gave out and then I sprained one and twisted the other one.

So now I have to limp-waddle around like a penguin.



I feel like my body is a thousand years old.

Everything is just giving out, giving way.

And I'm barely touching 21.


This is not good.




~vid~

Facebook

I've been spending entirely too much time on facebook lately.

And to think there was a point where I could honestly not be bothered with it at all,
and I never went on fb chat.

Now I leave it on ALL the freaking time!

And since I'm on fb alot, and there really isn't anything much to do on it,
I've resorted to updating my status almost twice a day.

...anyone looking at my current fb profile is going to think I'm a hormonally-charged 13-year old fangirl who abuses the caps lock key.


Not quite the image I was going for, really.




~vid~

Not a nerd!

I just need this here.









Don't ask,
don't judge.

Sanks yous.


~vid~

Ethmoid Sinus Infection. Revisited.

There's someone I've been missing
I think that they could be the better half of me
I'm in the wrong place, trying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying

So I say to you
Come home, come home
'Cos I've been waiting for you
For so long, for so long




My throat's been hurting from last night.
I thought it was one of those usual sorethroats...so I just drank alot of water and let it be.

This morning, though, when I woke up...my throat was hurting like a bitch.

And then I went to cough up phlegm.

And I saw blood. Like clotted clumps of blood.



. . .




Totally freaked out okay!
I mean, just last week one of my patients had hemoptysis (as yet undiagnosed) for the past two years!
It would have been weird if I didn't freak out.

And then I realised that there was blood when I blew my nose as well...and then I freaked out less, because I figured it was probably another ethmoid sinus infection.

Remember the last time I got that?
http://3bananas4u.blogspot.com/2009/11/ethmoid-sinus-infection.html


I think its more severe than the previous time, though.
There's alot more blood.
Even after I came back from the doctor's, and went to sleep for 5 hours...I woke up and had to spit out blood.
:\




What really annoys me is that I've been complaining of migraines and light-headedness for the past two months almost!
And I've been saying that its probably my sinus acting up...and what do the doctors say?

"Oh no lah! Probably you're under alot of stress!"

Really!?
Is that why I'm bleeding from the base of my skull right now!?



SO FUCKING PISSED OFF OKAY.


And everything hurts.
Everything.
My face, my eyes, my neck, my shoulders, my arms...everything.

And I feel like I'm underwater almost all the time. Probably something to due with the fact that there's alot of fluid (blood) in my nose.

Finally got a referral letter to see an ENT surgeon today.


And the doctor can tell me summore..."I think its better if you go back to Subang and see a doctor,
because most doctors don't take medical students seriously"

No shit, Sherlock.




I'm just tired.
And in alot of pain.
And I just want to get better again.

I just want to get back to my old self again.
The one who doesn't suffer from migraines, and dizziness, and isn't in pain all the fucking time.



~vid~

Love letter...of sorts.

So there's this guy I like...bla bla, yada yada, lets just skip the whole long story.

And my cousin, and my friends (the awesome ones) have been telling me to leave him a message since last week.
And I don't want to, because I have no idea what to write without making myself look like a clingy, annoying prat who wants to jump his bones (not that I want to of course *cough*)

And my cousin (who is 15-years old btw...I'm taking love life advice from a 15-year old! WHAAAAAT) says I should be totally honest about my feelings and everything.

So I thought about it.

And I wrote a perfectly honest love letter...


Hey He-who-must-not-be-named-for-obvious-reasons.

How are you? Hows life? Hows medschool?
I'm just sending this message to let you know that I'm madly in love with you, and that it would be in your best interests to marry me. Immediately.
OH AND you should also do your housemanship in Seremban so that my next two years here aren't complete shit.

Love,
Vidya


....and now she won't let me send it.


And now we're back to square one.


And the whole purpose of this post was to let you see my awesome love-letter-writing skills.


:DDDDD


You know you love me,
xoxo,
~vid~

The next bad thing

Possibly the second-worst thing in my life is having to message (SMS, mind you) doctors to confirm class venues and timings with them.

So. Bloody. Awkward.


And some of them are all prissy and "Oh we know our schedules, we don't need to be reminded"


psh.


~vid~

I actually miss having to wear uniforms.

The worst part of my mornings (and the reason why I'm always late) is standing in front of my cupboard trying to pick out something decent to wear.

meh.

~vid~

Revelation

This blog has seen me through almost 4 years of my life.

My entire IMU journey has been documented here.
Well, not all of it, but most. :|


~vid~

Carrot thighs.

What do I do when at 8am I'm all ready but none of my group members are in the ward?

I go online and talk to Yan Qi. :D

And what do we discuss at 8 in the morning?

People's thighs.

THIGHS.

How awesome are we?












~vid~