Piercings

Did I mention I went to go get my ears pierced....again?
:D

This time with more precautions okay.

...and honestly if it doesn't work out this time, then I'm giving up.
Throwing in the towel.
No more attempts.
etc.
etc.

Did it two days ago actually,
and then I decided to take out the piercings and put in garlic stems (? stalks/sticks? wtv) and leave them in for a week before I finally get proper gold earrings.

I want those tiny ring ones. :D

The garlic thing is something that's been passed down from my ancestors.
Apparently.
That bit that sticks out of the garlic cloves...the stem? apparently is very absorbent (is that even a word omg my English is absolute rubbish now)
So apparently (new fav word btw can you tell :p) if you cut thin twigs out of it and leave it in the holes for about a week or so, it absorbs water when you bathe and wash your hair and etc etc,
and it will kembang....expand?
yeah.
Expand, so that when you want to put in proper earrings, you can get them in without much effort.


Did any of that make any sense at all omg.

I seem to have completely lost my grasp on English.
Speaking entirely too much Malay nowadays.


But for the record, trying to put the garlic thing into newly pierced ears also hurts like a bitch,
which is why I'm currently sitting here with a decidedly swollen ear that hurts to Mars and back.
(I only pierced one ear thank god)







yeps.



Happy Independence Day everbody!

And Happy Eid!




Its about time for my annual email to a certain someone, but sigh.
Really no mood this year.
It just seems to make more sense to let it all go instead of stubbornly holding on in the hope that something might come out of this odd relationship we have.

mehhhh.



Just a few more days to go before we start semester again.
yuck.
At least we start with Psych.
No 8am ward work yo! (even if there is its not like I'm going to turn up so screwwwww youuuu Psych!)



ow.




Right now I'm just so sick of running around trying to get things settled for Electives.
I want to throw a tantrum really.
The idiot was supposed to go with me, supposed to book flights with me, supposed to do the medical with me dammit.
But of course he goes and does it all by himself, and I'm just sitting here all awkward penguin like "whaaa..? You've done it already? But what why weren't we supposed to... ah fuck it"



Gah.


Can't wait to graduate.

Then at least I'll be free from all these social obligations.




yuck.





~vid~

Rambles

Okeh.

Time to ramble!


Sigh.
A wee bit of me is worried that the whole electives plan is going to collapse in on itself.
Nothing seems to be going right atm.

:/

But where else would I do it?
Columbia Asia?

I just want to get outtttttt of this country!



gaaah.



Another, larger part of me is horribly bothered by the thought that my new piercings may not be evenly spaced apart.
It's bugging the life out of me, honestly.
-_-




Started reading one of my cousins' story books yesterday.
She had the whole series in her bookshelf, some vampirey story, so I figured it probably was worth a read.
And I like vampirey stories.
I honestly liked the Twilight books....and then the movie came out and ruined everything. :|

So anyway yes, my cousin's book.
Dead Until Dark.
Took me a chapter and a half before I turned back to the cover, only to realise that this was the series True Blood is based on.

Whoops.

Now I'm sorely tempted to start watching True Blood.



Sigh.



Problems, problems.




Oh but btw, Pinks has a new coat!
Just in time to turn 21.
My baby bear :)




~vid~

End of Week 1

Updaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!


First off, hola! from JB.
I spend almost all my holidays here. Involuntarily.
'tis just one of those facts of life.

I don't know where last week went.
Not entirely sure where this week went either.
Like poof! Its already Sunday. The second week of hols is ending! :O

I've gone out once.
Once.


Ties with the family as rocky as ever.



Went to Singapore yesterday.
Again involuntarily.

Blehhhhh.

I don't particularly like Singapore la okay.

Went to Sentosa, just drove through.
I think.
I slept for most of it in the car.
:/
And then went to Mount Faber. or Fabre. or however its spelt.
That wasn't so bad, but there were so many other touristssssss.

Touristy people who go on tours via tour packages that involve big tour buses are incredibly annoying kthxbai.



mmm.
Then went to the zoo.
Saw lots of thin, sleepy animals.
The shows were rubbish.

yep.

I honestly think the zoo at A'Famosa puts up a better show.



This wasn't supposed to be a whiny post. Somehow turned out like that though.
whoops.
:|



Went to the BP lab on Tuesday (?) to do a blood test for the medical required for electives.
The people (people, mind you, not person...I felt like a freaking lab rat) needled me 7 times before they could find my vein.
SEVEN.

And they're all "we can't see your vein la!"

Like no shit. I'm Indian, how the fuck do you see my vein? Feel for it la!

And they've got this stupid technique of poking the needle in first, and then searching for the vein.
Wtf.
Are you for real?

Came home with swollen hands.
So bloody painful oh my god.

AND AND there was this doctor. DOCTOR. who tried taking blood instead, and she actually hit the vein, and a teeny bit of blood entered the syringe...
...and then she went too deep.
So no more blood came out.
So I'm like "uhhh...why don't you draw it back out a bit?"
And she's like "omg your vein lari la!"
-_-
-_-
-________________-


The only one who managed to draw blood was the guy at the lab.
(whom I totally have a crush on btw)
And that too with the baby needle. ouch.


I swear I've never put my patients through so much torture when taking blood from them.
-_-

I've never poked anybody more than once; if I can't do it once I get someone more experienced.




AT LEAST I HAVE MORE ETHICS THAN THE BP LAB PEOPLE.


Someone should go tell Dato' Siva this.


Which reminds me,
I saw a panther in the Singapore Zoo yest, and nearly burst out laughing.

I should get a panther tattoo.
Totally.
Dato' Siva would be so proud :')


..not.



I miss studying.
:|
:|
:|
I keep remembering random things that I didn't do properly during the exams, and I'm like "oh I should read up on that!"
...only to remember that I very hardworkingly left ALL my textbooks in Seremban.


And yet, no matter how much you try to leave medicine behind,
it just tends to follow you around.
It haunts you.

*creepy ghost music*





I want to watch Smurfs!




P.S.This is Yogi Bear.
Who came all the way from Chicago!

wheeeeee!













yah.

so.

the end.



~vid~

Updaaaaaate.

um.

hi.

so.



I PASSED EOS 7.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

GO MEEEEEEEE!




yep.

Still wake up on some days freaking out,
going like "omg I forgot Lachmann's! What if Nisar doesn't pass me!"
...takes a few seconds to remember that I've already passed and all my insecurities are henceforth irrelevant.

meh.



I'd blog more.
If I wasn't so sleepy right now.



I swear all I've done since the exams finished is sleep.

Its like my brain just went 'uninstall exam mode. Install narcolepsy.'




~end~



~vid~

Wake me up after the ending, when the damage has all been done.

Final Push

Mhirah : I don't remember a time when we weren't studying.



It's been so long.
I can barely stand to look at a book anymore.

Which is probably why I wasted the whole of Thursday and Friday watching random movies and sleeping my life away.


Argh.
Feel like kicking myself for it now.



One more day.
This is it, Vidya. The final push!

We can do this.
Yes, we can.




~vid~

They drown us out at sea.

Can I just take a day off from living?


I'm so tired of having to deal with people and their moods.

Enough is enough.

We're all stressed out.
We're all going crazy.
That doesn't make it okay for you to go all psycho on us and tell us you need a break from being friends.

If you don't want to be friends, then fine.
Fuck off.
I'm not desperate for your friendship. Or lack thereof.

Don't play this fucking hot-and-cold game.





I am honestly just worn out.

I want to run home to someone who loves me...but where is that home for me?

She doesn't see anything else when her son is in the picture.
She doesn't see a daughter who's going crazy with stress, who's at the brink of completely losing it.
No.
Whats more important now is that her son is coming back from his stupid holiday.


Its funny you know.
People love you when you're happy and entertaining....but show one sign of weakness, one sign of vulnerability, and they scamper like rats.

I'm the funny one, the sarcastic one who can bitch about people and get away with it because I can make you laugh, I'm the one who embarrasses myself on a constant basis.
I'm the hardcore, independent one who can deal with anything head on, on her own.
And so.
I don't get to be upset.
I don't get to be angry.
And I sure as hell don't get to breakdown and be sad.

Everyone wants to be the fair-weather friend.
No one wants to be the shoulder to cry on.



I've spent most of my life bottling up my feelings,
sorting through my shit on my own.
And I'm tired of it.
I'm tired.
For once I want someone to fucking care that I'm upset ok.




This is why I blog.

You lot want to know why I blog right? Well, this is it.
Because this blog is probably the one thing that won't run away from me when I need to rant.





Enough.

I need a break from all of this.






~vid~

Feelings.

I'm going completely crazy.

Haven't been myself these past few weeks, everything just seems to be spiraling out of control.

SAQs and OSPEs are done...just the OSCEs left!
Those are the real pains-in-the-butt.
Stand alone, yo!
Need to pass OSCE to pass EOS7. aaaaaaaaaaah.
My brain is suddenly blank, and I feel so bloody incompetent.

Its not like I don't know how to do PE and stuff, of course I do, but just the thought of the lecturers sitting there and watching your every move like hawks.....aaaaaah intimidating la okay!
:/
And the idea of ten minute stations terrify me :(((


PRAY FOR ME YOU GUYS.
KEEP PRAYING TIL WEDNESDAY OKAY.
PRAY EXTRA HARD ON WEDNESDAY MORNING.






Sigh.

Thought I saw the back of his head today.
I swear I'm going completely mental.
I don't know what this is, and it's driving me crazy.

Is it going to turn out to be one of those stupid crushes I get when I'm stressed out and hormonal,
or is it going to be something that actually lasts and breaks my heart into a million pieces when he leaves?

Because he'll leave.
Not sure when, but he will.
My only consolation is that the new postings just started, and he'll have at least another month of his current posting to be completed when I come back in Sem8.
I'm kind of really thankful right now that I'm not in Group A for my selectives. :(

It scares me really.
I'm so used to having him around now, so used to seeing that arrogant smirk,
that just one day without seeing him and I'm suddenly spazzing out, unable to function.

It scares me that one day I won't see him in the cafe at lunch,
I won't see him in the hospital anymore,
and one week later it'll sink in...that he's done, he's not coming back anytime in the next three years.
It terrifies me.
Right now, in the state I'm in, I don't know if I'll be able to live with that.
I don't think I will.


Please don't let this be your last posting.
Please.



And so it had to be.
The girl who steadfastly claimed she would never marry a doctor, finally fell head over heels for a houseman.

And not just any houseman.
One that I've been mocking for the past one year,
the one houseman I honestly couldn't stand in HTJ.

I thought I hated him.

Who knew this heart could be so fickle?

Who knew when this hate turned into grudging respect?

He's so... argh. For someone who didn't want to marry a doctor, I seemed to have managed to pick the one Indian boy who's so madly in love with medicine that he'd probably marry it, given the chance.
One of those people who are so dedicated and passionate and responsible that they resent others for not loving medicine as much as they do.
One of those people who are so confident at what they do that they sneer at you for being nervous, for making mistakes.

For God's sake, he's like a Dato' Siva in the making!

Of all the bloody people to fall for!


Do you even notice I exist?
Am I actually an individual person to you...that loud Indian girl who laughs really loudly and stares back at you levelly?
Or do you just see me as part of that annoyingly noisy group that you always bump into in the cafeteria?
Or am I just 'oh God, another medical student?'

Do you even know what you've become to me?
Do you even know how bloody difficult it was for me, after a whole year, to get off my high horse and admit how fucking cute I think you are?



You're not supposed to be cute!
You're supposed to be that annoying doctor who thinks he's a cut above everyone else!


I wasn't supposed to fall in love, dammit.


Things weren't meant to turn out this way.



Half of me wants it to just be another stupid crush that will go away.
Half of me wants this to be endgame.






GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.





~vid~

Losing It #2

Oh.

You're leaving soon too, aren't you?


Maybe it's for the best.
Maybe this was just a lapse in judgment.

Hormones.
Stress.
That's all this is.
Nothing serious, nothing serious.



This is me trying to convince myself kthxbai.




I DON'T WANT TO LIKE YOUUUUUUU.
EEYYYERRRRRRR.
I MEAN OF ALL PEOPLE DAMMIT WHY YOU.
STUPID ARROGANT SHORT BOY.



I hate my stupid heart.



Seriously.
I'm completely losing it right now.


I don't think I went this far off my rocker for EOS5.




~vid~

Excerpt

The root of the trouble was that she was one of those intellectual girls, steeped to the gills in serious purpose, who are unable to see a male soul without wanting to get behind it and shove.

P.G. Wodehouse.




Random, while I'm trying to wrestle with Internal Med.

~vid~

Revelation

For once, my friends in IMU know something about me that my best friends don't.

I suppose it's the people who are there to support you who get to know firsthand what you're going through, eh?


~vid~

Losing It

I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I feel I've covered so much already,
but when I look at the list of topics still left to cover, I'm just tempted to pick up a handgun or something and blow my brains out.

OSCE still terrifies me the most though.
Like Dato' Kanda said, we've got half our theory marks from EOPs already (plus when I look at the past year papers, I feel like I'm reading Greek so I've got not much hope for theory)

Please God, please let me pass EOS7.
Let us all pass.
Can't imagine anyone having to go through all that again. :/




Been slowly losing my mind this past two weeks.
And it appears I've also lost my heart along the way.
Not too sure about this though, may just be a side effect of the stress.
Or, like Dhina said,
I've been so used to his presence that I seem to need it around constantly.


I don't know.
I don't know.


Completely losing it right now.





~vid~

I think I like someone.