Heartache

Remember how my laptop crashed some time back, and the guy took forever to fix it,
only to return it with everything saved under "Recovered File"?

I've been putting off going through my laptop and my external hard drives because...well, I've been awfully lazy.
Went through them today,
and discovered that most of the "recovered file"s cannot be opened.
They're just.
random.
blank.
things.

And so I went through my hard drives,

and I was so sure that I'd backed up my stuff quite recently...

...but I hadn't.
Well, apparently I hadn't.

I think I'd been backing up everything in my C drive to my D drive in case of a virus,
because they usually reformat just the C drive or something right?
and then they can backup from the D drive.
or something.
Well, that's how they did it for me before.

I was actually going through it today to see if my movies were still there,

(and of course they aren't)
(including my Season 1 of Game of Thrones and my season 6 of HIMYM)
But those I'm not too fussed over, I mean I can just download everything again.
No big deal.


What hurts more,
and this really hurts, mind you,
is that I've lost alot of my case reports and case summaries.
Actually I think I've lost all of them.
And all the ppt presentations,
and ugh.
Quite alot of uni stuff.

Imagine having to start case reports from scratch again next sem. :/


And along with my uni documents,
alot of my personal writing has disappeared too.
I mean, its not like they were anything great...but quite alot of time went into those random snippets.
And they're just.
well.
gone.

I suppose it serves me right for not being meticulous enough to backup my laptop every so often,
especially since my laptop had been threatening to crash for quite sometime already.

Still upsetting though.

I'm going to go wallow in self-pity for the rest of the night.
Not even Ali Zafar's angel voice can lift me out of this funk right now.
:(

I keep hoping all my documents will miraculously appear from somewhere.


sigh.




~vid~

Everybody say yeah, oh yeah.

HAI EVVYBODY!


So I'm actually supposed to be asleep now,
because its like 2.40 in the am, and I have to be up early tomorrow to go collect all the random perishables that I forgot in Seremban.

Perishables = foodstuff for those of you confused people.
yep.
Cannot leave foodstuff there for 2 months,
well, because my perishables are mostly like coffee and coffee mate and condensed milk and what not...
..
none of my housemates are coffee-drinkers so its not like they could use it up while I'm gone.
If they could've, I'd have left it behind.

so yeah.





Everytime I think about Thursday (which is when I leave for IRELAAAAAAAAAAAND btw, for those of you who didn't know about that)
I have this huge epic freak out session and I can't breathe for a bit.
Then I tell myself I'm not the first female on the planet to have traveled alone and I shouldn't be such a wuss and that if other people can do it then so can I.
yep.

I can do this.

As long as I don't get lost anywhere.

But considering I have three hours transit in Amsterdam,
and I have over an hour to get from Dublin airport to the coach station for my bus,
I don't think getting lost would be much of a problem.
As in I can afford to get lost and then find my way back within the allocated time limits.

But fgs, I'm going to countries where people speak English!
Don't be such an idiot Vidya.
-_-




Oh yes.
I haven't finished what I wanted to say.

So I have to be up early tomorrow, because I have to go Seremban,
and then I want to come back in time to be able to make it for the 12 o'clock show of MI 4!

I love Tom Cruise.
And I love love love the whole Mission Impossible franchise.

I swear I'm a confused child.
I mean I love rom-coms and Bollywood love stories and Disney fairytales, but dangle an action-flick in front of me and I'll salivate over it just as much as all the boys do.
true story.
Bet I'm not the only girl out there who does that either.
;)





Watched the Zee Cine Awards earlier.
Didn't watch the whole thing,
because my dad was watching some other movie on the Sundance channel before that.
The Journey or something.
About an Indian man who comes to America to live with his son and gets a culture shock ...or something.
You know, one of those movies that doesn't quite have a beginning or an end (or ANY point AT ALL for that matter) and tries to be artsy but actually fails?
yep.
I was paying more attention to the Pirates of the Caribbean game I download on my tab (Y).


Oh yes, and then we switched to the Zee Cine Awards,
and you know how on Astro when you flick through channels really fast sometimes the programme info comes on before the screen actually switches to the channel you want?
So the info came on and I was like "ooh Zee Cine Awards, okay lets watch that"
And then the screen finally switches to the awards programme itself,
and guess who was on my screen?

GUESS WHO?


ALI ZAFARRRRRR!
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!


And I had to contain all my emotions because ...well because. I mean my parents were there and everything ok.
I couldn't just jump up and down and go OH MY GOD ALI ON MY SCREEN THIS IS A SIGN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU WONDERFUL MAN OH MY GOD.

...not that I would've done that even if I was alone though.
I mean.
of course not.
psh.

ahem.

Yes so.
Akshay (Kumar) was a wonderful host, he was hilarious. omg.
Really.
He should host everything from now on.

Shah Rukh was being ...Shah Rukh. -_-

Hrithik was adorrrrrbz as ever.

I love Vidya Balan omg.
And its not because she shares my name (okay well thats part of it) but she's just so gorgeous and classy and she doesn't go for all this glamour and stuff and ugh.
I just love her okay.
total girl crush.

And then Best Debut for Male Actor.
They nominated BOTH Ali AND Ranveer!
oh my heart.
And I mean, when Karan (who was announcing the awards...Karan Johar yeah) started going off on his own tangent,
I guess I sorta knew Ranveer was gonna win it,
and I love Ranveer.
I really do.
But.
But.
But.
Ali :(
I mean, I suppose it would've been a long shot to hope for Tere Bin Laden to win anything (eventhough they were nominated alot) but.
:(

My poor bby.



ALI ZAFAR HAD BETTER WIN BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR/BEST ACTOR IN A COMIC ROLE FOR MERE BROTHER KI DULHAN NEXT YEAR OR I WILL KILL SOMEONE.
I SWEAR.
I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER WONDERFUL/EPIC/AWARD-WORTHY MOVIE THEY CAME UP WITH THIS YEAR.


...although I loved Farhan in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and he was hilarious and.

NOOOOOOOOOOO.
ALI MUST WIN.

DON'T LET YOURSELF BE SWAYED, VIDYA.

Or like, give Farhan Best Supporting and Ali Best Comic Role..
.
no wait, it would have to be the other way round.

OR.

omg I don't care I just want him to win something ok.

ok.




Oh wait.
You lot wouldn't know about my Ali Zafar obsession unless you follow me on twitter.

Mai apologeez.

Okay.

This is Ali Zafar.



Pakistani musician (singer), painter, recently-turned Bollywood actor.
He's actually got a long list of credentials which I am faaaaaaaar to lazy to look up right now.
But yeah anyway.

I wuv him. :3

I don't care that he's Pakistani.
I mean.
Race/inter-country politics shouldn't stand in the way of appreciating good talent.

yeh.



Was originally going to post his song, Jhoom, today,
(in accordance with my post-one-Ali-Zafar-song-a-day resolution until I run out of songs I like)
but I stumbled upon this one instead,
and I've had it on repeat,

and well.

Its Christmas!

AND I'M ON HOLIDAY
(seriously you have no idea how happy I am right now)

so yeah.
Happy song!

Well, its actually a rock song but wtv.



F.U.N Fun Fanaa - Ali Zafar






I LOVE ALI ZAFAR'S VOICE I WOULD ONE DAY LIKE TO MARRY IT AND MAKE BABIES WITH OK THXBYE.









I really should go sleep now.

Good night everybody!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Public Holiday!



yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!







~vid~

Hai.

So in my attempt to fix my layout while blogging via tablet,

I appear to have messed up the font.

again.

I'm sorry, I'm terribly OCD about what my fonts look like. :/

Maybe one of these days I'll change the template completely.
We've had this one for four years now. o.O

And to think when we started we didn't even think this blog was going to take off properly.

:D

ugh the font though.

It just looks retarded now.

OH OH OH.
BY THE WAY.
I AM ON HOLIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!


YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Here is a nice dance-y song to celebrate my start of hols.

:D

I less than three Ali Zafar so much I cannot even begin to explain.. (he's the guy in green by the way)

(also the guy who sang the song but that's just trivia)

In case I'm not in the mood to blog tomorrow,

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

:D

When I have kids I'm going to make Christmas an annual celebration.
I don't care that we're not Christian,

its just nice to believe in Santa Claus and get presents.

~vid~

Another Test Post

Okay another test post.
Looks like I have to code the html myself. -.-
Not cool, but unfortunately I'm not in the business of forking out money for apps, so...

~vid~

posted from Bloggeroid

Testing

Hai :D

This is me doing a test post, trying to see if I can blog from my tablet.

mm-hmm.

~vid~


EDIT : aaaargh so apparently I can't edit font, etc on the app. Lemme see if I can download a new app. sigh.

Meltdown

I think I'm going into a meltdown.

I am this close to losing it.
I can't stand another minute of medicine. I can't.

I don't want to go to uni tomorrow.

I don't want to attend class for the next five days.

I just want to run away right now. Right this minute and leave all of this behind.

I am sick of dealing with people and their bullshit about assignments.

I'm doing my share of the work, why can't you?

Normally I would bear with it, for the sake of maintaining harmony,

but not today.

Fuck you.

Get your own work done.

Don't push it to me.

Other people have things to accomplish too, you're not the all-important one with a busy schedule.

Just. Fuck you.

I am sick of people.

~vid~

The Doctor's Out Tonight

I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name
like a fool at the top of my lungs
sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright
but it's never enough
cause my echo, echo
is the only voice coming back
my shadow, shadow
is the only friend that I have

(Thanks to Jea Mie for introducing me to this song)


Youtube video of the song because I'm too lazy to load an mp3 file on imeem.
(does imeem still work? I haven't used it in years. ..literally)



Echo - Jason Walker





Also,
another video! This one's a parody, by students from Brown.
Its kinda funny.
I don't know how they go to medschool for 8 years. o.O





The Doctor's Out Tonight - Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University (Med School Parody)




~vid~

.

I don't know why I bother trying so hard when everyone around me doesn't give a shit anyway.

Angst.

Last emo post for awhile, I promise.





~vid~

Too late

According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star
you're actually a few million years late.
that star is dead
just like your dreams


Got that excerpt off tumblr, not sure who the original author is.



I'm just in the mood to lounge around and feel sorry for myself.
Don't mind me.

I really just want to go back to bed,
and not have to deal with the world today.

But no, life must go on, and you must be present for it every day. Without fail. For as long as you're alive.
If only we could skip life on certain days the way we skip classes eh?


~vid~

Yet Another Emotional Post

And the ridiculous post is sidelined yet again.

Might write it later once my assignments are done (if I write it at all. ahem)

There's something that's been bugging me for quite awhile, really.

I feel.

Unloved.

Unimportant.

In my own home.

Its quite sad really.

I come home, all they want me to do is help with the cooking/cleaning/etc etc because thats a girl's job, yeah.
I mean its not like we're living in the 21st century or anything where there's gender equality, right?

And to think, every weekend I run back home just to be able to rest and relax and feel loved.
I don't hate Seremban,
its just that clinical school gets to you sometimes,
and you just want to run back to a sanctuary where people genuinely care for you.

I'm not saying my family doesn't love me,

its just.

They're indifferent, most of the time.

They just don't care.

I can come back home,
completely worn out to the point I'm practically collapsing with sleep,

and they're just like "you want to sleep NOW?"

Or I can be having the worst migraine in the history of the universe,
or an ache in my leg,

or a stomach ache,

or any damn illness really,

and they're just "you're a medical student, you know what medicine to take"

I mean, yes, I DO know what medicine to take,

but I'm human too!

Sometimes all I want is a hug,

or at least a pat on the head,

and some indication that someone cares that I'm not feeling well.

I quote Alex Day : "I just want a cuddle and someone to tell me I've been a brave lil' soldier"

And oddly enough,

nowadays,

the only place I get that from is in Seremban. Back in clinical school, where I'm surrounded by medical people.

They care.

Because they go through the same thing too.

Its like there's a line separating pre-medschool and medschool.
Pre-medschool people cared if I got sick.
But now, nope. You're going to be a doctor, fix yourself.

Just because we're doctors/medical students doesn't mean we're invincible.

We bleed too, same as everyone else.

We hurt physically, too.

And bloody hell, we have emotions too!

And worst of all,

is when you come home all excited from something you've seen/heard in the clinics or the wards,

or some really neat procedure you helped out with or learnt to do,

sometimes you really want to talk about it.

Like "ohmygod I saw my first post-mortem! It was sooooo coooooool!"

(note : Post-mortems are really cool ok)

And no one cares.

They're either horrified,

or they just. don't. care.

Like, oh, you saw what? Oh okay. Cool. Lets talk about something else.

It hurts you know.

It hurts that people tune you out.

It hurts that I can be talking about how we had to give a patient CPR and I can just stop the story halfway and no one realises I haven't finished the story because they've all spaced out.

It hurts that a phone call, a tv show, chopping a fucking carrot can all be more important than your daughter telling you what happened in her life.

And then they complain that I don't tell them anything.

Really?

Maybe I should record our conversations, so you can play them back and realise that you've tuned out half of how my week went.

And its so unfair!

My brother's an engineer,

sometimes he comes back from work all excited about some distillation column or some boiler,

and half the time I have no idea what he's talking about,

but I listen.

I make the effort to actually sit and listen and understand what he's saying.

I ask questions to clarify things I don't get.

Why can't they do that for me?

I'm not speaking Greek here.

I've become so well-versed in layman terms because I have tried so hard to make it simple for my family to understand,

but they don't care.

And my non-medical friends don't care.

It's like I've become some alien being that can only properly communicate with other people in the medical field.

And its not like all of us med students sit around and discuss medicine.

We talk about movies, and music and politics and we bitch about random people,

same as everyone else in every other profession.

We're still normal people.

I'd always wanted to marry an engineer,

because everyone in my family is an engineer, and so I thought at least my future husband would fit in,

and I thought that marrying a doctor would be incredibly boring,

because then your whole life would be all about medicine, at work, at home..

but slowly, I'm beginning to realise the reason why so many doctors end up with doctors,

is because they're the only ones who really get you.

They're the only ones that understand that one some days all you want to do is curl up in bed and shut out the world,

that some days you really don't feel like going out and meeting up with people,

that some days you're going to come back from work excited about something that happened,

that some days you're going to want to sit them down and discuss specialization options.

I'm beginning to think I should marry a doctor, for my own sake.

For the sake of having someone who would both understand and care.

Because I'm slowly becoming invisible to everyone around me.
I'm just "the future doctor"

And that sucks.

~vid~