Hurt

Was originally going to type out a ridiculous post today,
but there's something else I need to get off my chest or my head won't be clear enough to churn out posts worth reading.

I promised myself I wouldn't write about this on here,
or anywhere else, for that matter,
but I need to.
I need to get it out.

You're (and I mean you lot, you readers) probably not going to understand much of this post,
so it's probably better if you stopped reading here.
And so I'm going to put the rest of this post under Read More to save you the trouble of scrolling past it okay?





I don't know why you feel the need to keep on coming after us the way you do.

I am sick of this,
sick of all the emails, and the messages, and the emotional melodrama act that you're putting up for everyone else's benefit.
I haven't replied any of your emails/sms-es, true...so get the hint already!
I think, after everything, I have the right to ignore you and your crap.

I didn't join that event committee for fame or popularity or whatever other stupid reason you've come up with in your head.
I did it for you, you stupid girl. We all did.
You think we'd bother getting involved otherwise??
And when it was all going down the drain, we went out of our way to try and save the whole thing. And how do you react to that?
You accuse us of trying to hijack the whole thing!

No wait. You didn't accuse us.
You accused me.
You were rude to me, to my face, in a cafeteria full of people.
You actually had the gall to bitch about me to my best friend.
You walked around telling people you didn't want to talk to me.

I backed out of the whole mess, I owed it to my pride not to stand there and take your bullshit.

And then what do you do?
You call up random people and cry to them about how your friend abandoned you.
You cry to others about how your friend tried to hijack your event.

And after the whole bloody thing is over,
you delete me off Facebook.
I wouldn't have cared, but you had to send me a message : "Vidya I'm deleting you off facebook for the sake of my sanity"
Wtf?
And you don't stop there, you have to go tell my friends that you've done such a thing so that everybody knows how tormented you are by our "friendship"

And then the messages start.
Messages, emails..

But of course, they're not just to me,
they're also sent to the two other friends you lost when you decided to treat me like shit.

"Can we meet up to try and work things out?"

And if we don't reply, "oh I tried my best"
How about you try saying sorry? For once? Just one bloody time, apologize.

But oh no, you were never in the wrong, were you?

And then you pay me.
You fucking pay me.
For petrol money, for everything I've done for you over the past 1.5 years.
Wtf.
I have never been so insulted in my life.
I never took petrol money from you because I never take petrol money from anybody. Its my thing.
Did you really think I was so cheap that I would calculate how much money went into picking you up and dropping you off just so that one day I could tell you how much you owed me for services rendered?
And if you wanted to clear your conscience, then why pay just me??
Why didn't you pay the boy as well?
He's given you lifts as often as I have.

And then when I return your money, you act like you're the wounded party.
Really?

Just because I don't cry to people,
just because I don't sit and emo or put on a big show,
doesn't mean I don't get hurt.
And it hurts to think this whole friendship might've been a farce.
Were you only friends with me because the boy is my best friend? Because he spends 90% of his time with me?
I'm human too, you know. I hurt too.


And all these messages?
You think I can't see through them? You think I don't know that you're resorting to trying to make friends with me again because that's the only way the boy will talk to you again?

Don't use me.
Don't act as my friend with ulterior motives.

I deserve more than that.

And I've had enough.

Stop with the messages,
stop coming up with new bullshit every week.

Just leave me alone already.

You talk about needing to meet up and talk it out so we can all move on,
well,
newsflash : the rest of us already have.
You're the one who keeps yanking us back into this mess.


So wake up, and stop playing the victim,
and for god's sake,
give us space.

We need some time too, for all the hurt to blow over.



Okay.
Rant over.


~vid~