An Apology

I would like to say I see how it might be funny that the previous post was titled The Thank You and this one is titled An Apology.
(well, it'd be funny if you had my sense of humour, but yeah)

Okay.
So this is me properly apologizing over the twitter incident that occurred a few months back.

I don't know if any of you who were involved in that incident actually do read my blog, 
but hey, 
apparently you googled my twitter account to dig up my deep dark secrets, 
so I'm going with the assumption that you can google this and read my apology.

Because I am sorry.


(The rest of this is under a Read More. Because of reasons.)






For those who have no idea what I'm rambling about, 
for most of last semester I had taken to tweeting my frustrations about my groupmates.
Mostly about the shockingly poor grammar that grated on my nerves, or about people who didn't pull their weight in group assignments, or people who didn't turn up to the wards on important days and made the rest of us get into trouble.
It reached a climax of sorts during our Gynae posting, after a particularly bad week,
since we had a few assignments due, and exams, and EOS was looming nearer - tempers were running high, 
and mine, naturally, among the highest of them.

I'd just like to point out, as we have so many times before, those tweets weren't meant to offend anyone.
They weren't mean to hurt.

I am not the sort of person who holds grudges.
Tweeting was my way of letting off steam - getting rid of the anger at that particular moment in time before I said something rude out loud.

I see how its easy to assume that I was saying things behind people's backs, 
but that was not it at all.
I was saying it on the Internet just so I wouldn't say it out loud to anyone's faces. Because you can't take back what you've said to someone, to their face. 
And thought I lose my temper incredibly quickly, it also dies off just as quickly, and then I'm left with the guilt of having said something too soon, wishing I could take it back.

I was stupid enough to think that saying it on the Internet was a better form of dealing with those emotions.

Obviously I was wrong.

I knew my account was public, but I didn't think I was interesting enough that people would actively search for my account to read what I had to say.
Pouring out my frustrations publicly was a dickhead move, and for that I am sorry.
And it was precisely because our accounts were public that we never used names. We used hashtags (because we were behaving like dickhead 12 year olds) simply so that none of our followers would know who we were talking about.

But this is my apology, so I'm going to drop the we now.


I am sorry that people feel I'm being a hypocrite - that I can write such horrible things on the Internet and then be nice to them the next day.
Like I said, my temper dies off very quickly.
I may be angry with you for five minutes, and then it goes away. I'm no longer angry.
I'm not such a hypocrite that I would go out of my way to be nice to people I didn't like.
If I was nice to you it was because I wanted to be, not because I was trying to be a two-faced bitch.

I'm also sorry that some of the things I said were particularly mean or rude.
I have no excuses, except that I was angry, and people make stupid decisions when they're angry.
But I am old enough to be able to control my emotions, and I didn't, and people got hurt.



The one thing I will not apologize for is the email incident.

I was angry about that in July, and I still am.

Writing things on the Internet was wrong - and I have accepted that.
I am taking responsibility for my actions - which is why we apologized then and there when the email happened, and which is why I'm apologizing now,  four months later - because I need to get this off my conscience.

Copying and pasting certain parts of conversations, and then distributing the bits that make us particularly look bad - that was even more of a dickhead move.
Getting us into trouble with the lecturers was the worst bit of all.

I maintain that I never said anything bad about the lecturers.

I have not read that email, so I do not know what was in it, 
but I will tell you this.

For all my whining about Dato' Siva and his too-high expectations, 
I adore the man.
I respect him so much, 
and the only reason I was angry all the time was because I was trying to hard to win his approval, and I seemed to fall short every time.

And at the end of our Gynae posting in Semester 9, 

I had finally, finally gained that man's approval, 
only to have it all shot to hell two weeks later thanks to one stupid email that a few stupid boys decided to send.

And about the Australians.
I want to laugh when I think of it.
Yes, we had hashtags for them, but for the love of God, we didn't hate them.
I had the biggest, most embarrassing crush on Adam, and Ryan was an absolute darling - so the idea of us hating them is really quite ridiculous.
I was going through my usual OMGIhaveacrushImusttellallmyfriendsaboutit! phase on twitter.

And the worst part of it all was that we were angry at a select few people - hence the tweets that particular week, 
but to suddenly have everyone turn against us was a bit surprising, 
especially since a lot of the people angry at us were people we had never even thought to mention.

 I'm sorry that happened.

I'm sorry you felt we hated you. We never did.


So there you have it.
I apologize for being immature and childish and for writing things on the Internet without thinking of consequences.
I apologize for hurting your feelings.


And I'd like to add a big fuck you to the gits who decided it would be a good idea to send out emails instead of confronting us directly about what they felt was wrong.


Karma is a bitch.
I would know.



~vid~