.

I wanted to blog day before yesterday.
Then something happened that shocked me so completely, that I just didn't know what to say.
How could I have been so stupid!?
I'm beginning to lose faith in all guys.
ALL of them.
Its like Ive been suddenly transplanted into a world where every specimen of the male species within a 50-km radius happens to be a jerk.
Although to be fair, Boone and David are exceptions.
The only exceptions.

And then yesterday, I wanted to blog again, and then Michelle said something that threw me so completely off-mood.
About that Austrian guy who kept his daughter a prisoner for 24 years in a cellar.
I didn't know about it til she told me yesterday.
I wanted to blog about that, but if I did, then the post would be ten miles long, filled with swearing and outrage and I would either throw up or cry writing it.
So scratch that too.
But what irritated me most of all is how people keep asking me "how could you not have known about it!? Never read newspaper ah!?"
...
Where the fuck do you expect me to go buy a newspaper when I live in an apartment in Bukit Jalil and the only places I frequent happen to be the university or the park??
I didnt read the newspaper.
MEANS I didnt read the newspaper.
Fullstop.
I dont give a shit whether you read the newspaper everyday or not.
I DONT.

And about Shahid.
I'm not stupid, you know.
I KNOW its just an infatuation.
If you cannot humour me then just say so.
Stop being all common-sense-y and logical. DO NOT lecture me on how I should wake up and get on with life.
HOW does it affect YOU if I stare at an actor everyday!?
HOW does it affect YOU if I want to daydream and fantasise about marrying someone like that?
I KNOW its not going to happen.
SO WHAT!?
I can dream, cant I!?
I'm not planning to buy a plane ticket and rush to India to see him. I'm not hunting up email addresses or writing long letters to mail to him. I'm not that far gone that I just stare at him and dont eat.
All I do is LOOK at him.
So maybe I stare at him and dont study. But then I never studied anyway.
So maybe I see visions of him around. DUH. I stare at him so much of course I'm bound to ter-see him around sometimes!
Of course I dream of him! I look at him so much, of course when I close my eyes, I tend to see his face also. Duh. Logic, rite?
I'm not saying I'm really in love. Its just a dumb obsession. -__-
Whats the big deal!?
I can live with it. Why cant the rest of you live with that too??

And Potty.
I fucking hate the guy.
I do NOT deserve him.
I DO NOT.
And I will slap you if you tell me to give him a chance.
I dont care if you're my best friend or not.

And stop riling me about Pinkie.
Ive had that bear for 18 years, and I love him more than anything in the world.
I dont fucking care if teddy bears are gay or if they dont wear pants.
I dont fucking care if my teddy bear is FLAT.
Yes he is. Hes the flattest bear you've ever seen.
Yes his nose is falling out.
Yes, he is torn.
Yes, he's been sewn up over and over.
I LOVE MY TEDDY BEAR.
I dont stuff him in your face and tell you you have to like him rite?
I dont tell you to hug him rite?
I dont carry him around everywhere and make him wear clothes or feed him or do anything stupid like that do I?
HOW the fuck does it affect you if my bear is named Pinkie??
Why cant he be named Pinkie and still be a guy? Why is Pinkie a female name??
Fuck it.
MY own name is unisex.
Why cant you accept the fact that I have a teddy bear, and I love him, and despite that I'm still completely normal?

We were sposed to go out at 10 today.
So I told my niece (shes 20) to go get ready at 9 oclock.
She went. At 9 oclock.
At 10.20 she's still running around looking for her shawl. At 10.30 she decided to go change her punjabi suit cos it wasnt nice enough.
To go see the Commisioner of Oath.
I dont think he would fucking care if you went to see him in your fucking pyjamas.
I had an appointment for threading at 10.
Which I had to miss, because she was so fucking late that there were other people there.
And I couldnt afford to wait because my mum wanted to fucking take her to the tailor after they finished at the Comm of Oath.
I fucking hate being the youngest. Since I'm always given less priority.
I fucking hate favouritism.

I hate racists.
Yes Im dark.
Yes Im Indian.
Doesnt mean I'm stupid.
Doesnt mean I'm any less than any of you.
Dont judge me just because I'm dark-skinned.

I'm damn bitchy today.
Dont talk to me.
Do NOT ask me whats wrong on msn after reading this because I'm not in the mood to explain.

~vid~