This is NOT a post by Vidya.

Hi.
Right.
I haven't posted here for so long.
Not that anyone cares.
Except Vidya.
Who keeps bugging me to blog.
Because she thinks she's being ss by posting herself.
Little does she know that all of us visit this blog at least once a day to witness her ss-ness.
Because deep down in our hearts, it's one of the little things that keep us sane, and out of boredom's reach.
Okay, I just said that to make her happy.
Vidya, you can stop SS-ing now. :D

What to blog about?
Hmmm...I can't even remember the last post I wrote.
Sad.
It's been like, what? 5 months, give or take since I've entered UM.
I've learned so much and yet...
At times I just get so lonely I feel like curling up into a ball in my room and crying all night long,
Just for the sake of crying.
And yet it's not possible.
Because I share a room with others,
And I don't like anyone seeing me cry.

Being in uni,
is slowly taking it's toll on me.
I have to put up a brave front every single day.
Facing people I can't stand,
Taking in their harsh words,
and yet not fighting back.
To me,
you don't make friends in university.
You just make acquaintances for convenience's sake.

Don't get me wrong.
There are some good friends out there,
but if you think about it,
sometimes the feeling is not mutual.
Sometimes,
it's just a case of "I use you, you use me."
And yet we blindly ignore the signs,
telling ourselves,
"Hey, maybe I'm just being paranoid."
Well, you know what?
It's all just one big facade.
We entertain certain people we can't stand,
because if we don't,
then we might not have anyone to turn to.
Like I said, for convenience's sake.

And yet,
when my true friends are in trouble,
I can't do anything to help.
I try to make them happy,
I tell them jokes,
I make a fool of myself.
I try so hard to cheer them up,
with ways so fickle,
so stupid,
that I end up feeling so useless,
for not being able to help a friend.

Sometimes I wonder,
If I were to die,
Who would be at my funeral?
Who would shed tears for me?
How long will I be remembered?
A day?
A week?
A month?
Will people think of me every morning for a week after I die,
only to have the memory start slipping away after that?
Or will I be remembered once in a blue moon,
when you flip through your old school magazine?
Will I be "the girl who was in the same class as me"?
Or will I be "the girl who changed my life"?
Who knows?
But the thought of it can be depressing.

Damn.
I just wrote a whole essay.
I sound so suicidal.
That's just the way I am.
In this dog eat dog world,you have to do whatever you can to survive.

I think this just about makes up for my lack of posting for the past few months.
Vidya, I blogged.
That should get you off my back for about 6 months.
Hah.
End.

- J Me -