Hurt.

This is kinda private, but I'm gonna blog about it anyway.
Cos from where I stand, I dont see how its possible to be any more embarassed than I already am.
So I shall just bermuka tembok and write this post.

You all know kan, that there was this one point last year that I liked Kamlesh?
And we named him Baby Cyclops so that we could talk about him and not worry about who was listening?
And that I had this tissue paper on which I wrote "Baby Cyclops", and I left it in my file. In such a way that when I carried my file, the whole world could see it?

Yeah well, I might as well have stuck a sign saying "I like Kamlesh" to my forehead and walked around with that, for all it was worth.

Cos someone told Kamlesh that I liked him.
Okay, even that I can live with.
On top of that he told Kamlesh that we called him Baby Cyclops.
AND I WAS WALKING AROUND WITH BABY CYCLOPS WRITTEN ON MY FILE!

WTF.
I had it on my file long after I stopped liking Kamlesh summore.
Cos Kamlesh was just a passing crush, but I liked the name Baby Cyclops, and I liked the tissue paper in my file.
Heck, I STILL have it in my file.

And to think I used to wonder why Kamlesh's friends used to stare at me!
They must have thought I was some serious psycho-freak!!
Wtf.

I dont care that Kamlesh knows I used to like him.
I dont care if he thinks I still like him.
Hes not important to me.
What matters is that someone I thought was my friend, someone I thought I could trust, did this to me, and still somehow managed to look me in the face everyday for 5 months without feeling the slightest bit guilty.

I feel like killing someone.

If you laughed at this post, I duno wat to say to you.
If you knew about this before, and thought it wasnt necessary to let me know...theres nothing to say anymore.

But I cannot take this in my stride. I've never been so hurt in my entire life.
And the damage is done. There's nothing anyone can do to fix anything.
Which hurts most of all.

~vid~