The To-Do List

I'm going to write out a list of all the things I want to do after exams.



Partly because after the exams are over I won't remember any of it, and then I'll laze around and waste my holidays and regret it horribly once the new semester starts,

but also partly because I'm so sick of trying to study and I keep thinking of all the things I want to do instead, but can't because there's an immense amount of things I have yet left to read through.


Its so frustrating.
It takes forever just to read a couple of chapters and none of it stays in my head!
I can't even remember what I read last week, much less what I've studied during semester.

And I keep asking myself, WHY DIDN'T YOU STUDY EARLIER,
but then I look back,
and I have studied.
I've had a good semester. I've played hard ...in terms of drama series and movies, but I've also studied really hard.

I think you can judge by the amount I've blogged since starting this semester...there are what, 30-odd posts (which is usually what I'd have written in the space of a month previously)

And everytime I open a book, its like I know all this stuff already!

And I do.
I know most of it.
But I don't remember.

And there's always this one moment of sheer 'blankness' when I'm asked a question or when I see a question on a test paper.
I guess its just nerves,
but its also the sheer frustration of having studied so hard and not being able to remember any of it.

Sigh.
Medicine, why you so volatile?



Right.
Anyway,
So this post was supposed to be about the to-do list.

Vidya's List of Things To Do After Exams

1. Learn to play the guitar PROPERLY.
2. Bake red velvet cupcakes. Just because.
3. Watch all the movies/series I've been putting off :

• Game of Thrones Season 2
• Suits
• 50/50
• Mysterious Skin
• Prometheus
• Brave
• Hollow Crown

....cant think of any more atm
4. Start running again.
5. Learn to play the Downton Abbey Suite and some of the Spiderman OST on the piano.
6. OH. Learn to play Jarrod Radnich's version of the Pirates of The Caribbean on the piano.
7. Finally order the "leisure-reading" medicine books I want.
8. Get around to reading my Artemis Fowl book so I can buy the latest installation of it and read that too.

I'm pretty sure there were more things I want to do, but I remember any more of it.
My brain is failing me.



Please God, let me pass this exam.

I feel like I'm sitting on a pendulum.
Half of the time I'm like "Please God, let me pass eventhough I've played the fool and I don't really know anything much but please let me pass and I'll do better the next time"
and the other half of the time I'm just "Please God, let me pass. I've worked my heart out, I deserve to pass right? Please God, please"



Losing it for real this time.
The Bwoy and I have decided we definitely need anxiolytics before the exam, and pretty soon we're going to need anti-psychotics as well.

Apparently, according to the First Aid psych book, they prescribe beta-blockers for performance anxiety.
I have a vague recollection of a certain Int Med doctor mentioning this during class.
Said it takes two month to reach a steady state though.
Dammit.

Anxiolytics it is then.


(I'm kidding I'm not going to self-medicate on psychiatric drugs)



Here.
Have a Justin Bieber video to brighten up your day after reading my depressing post.




~vid~