Two down, two to go.

Told myself I shouldn't blog during the exam period,
but I just have an insane urge to write okay.

So we're done with the theory part of the exams.

You ever get that feeling after exams,
like "ohmygod why did I write that? Why? What if the examiner finds that answer so stupid that he looks up the serial number to see who wrote it and thinks I'm an absolute idiot omg why"


Gah.


The MEQs were okaaaaay-ish.
(Modified Essay Questions - not sure if I've explained this before, each question is split into 5 parts, each on a separate sheet of paper, and once you've finished one part, you have to drop the paper into a tray before moving on to the next part. Each part has an allotted time, and you must move on to the next part when the buzzer goes. No retrieving the previous paper to change answers.)

I guess the good thing about it was that I got most of my diagnoses correct,
but I'm pretty sure I screwed up the counselling bits,
and the management.
And the Gynae question omg.
Was it just me or did we not have enough time for that question?!
ugh.

Not terribly happy about MEQs but not at the point where I want to hang myself in frustration about it either.



I do want to hang myself in frustration about the OSPEs though.

Didn't know half of what was going on.
I guess ENT and Opthalmo were okay, but the rest.
Just.
ugh.

I just. So demoralizing.

(OSPEs - Objective something Practical Exam (?), basically a sort of flag race, with 5-minutes per station where they give you pictures or lab results and you answer questions based on that)

Bit annoyed that they didn't have procedure stations for OSPE this time either though!
We didn't have any in Sem 7 either.
No fairrr.

I prefer procedures - you don't actually have to think. It's entirely mechanical.

Would it be too much to hope for procedures in OSCE?





Just have the OSCEs left - the clinical exams.
On Monday and Tuesday.
Monday would be the long stations - 6 stations, 14 minutes per station.
Dreading that more than anything else in the world rn. 14 minutes.
14 minutes is too long.
What if I run out of things to say/do within 5 minutes and have to stone in the room the remaining time?
What if the examiner fails me within the first few minutes or thinks I'm incredibly stupid and I just have to sit there and wait until its time to move on to the next station?
What if I don't know what to do?

AAAAAH.

And then Tuesday is the short OSCEs - 10 stations, 5 minutes each.
Although this is technically better than the long ones, (5 mins isn't so scary), I did worse for my Short OSCEs compared to my Long OSCEs in Sem 7. so.


AND THEN WEDNESDAY IS RESULTS. AAAAAAH.


Freaking out about the OSCEs, and yet I spent the whole of today doing absolutely nothing.
I'm tired.
My brain is tired.
My hand is still cramped from all the writing from the past two days.
But most of all, I'm demoralized.
We weren't demoralized in Sem 7 - then, it was just the stress of OSCEs.
This time, I just generally feel like shit.
Like I'm incompetent. And I'll never be good enough. And like I don't know what the hell I'm doing.


I just.
I don't know.

I'm leaving it to God.
I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore.

All I know is I need to pass this.

I need to.

I cannot do this over again.



Please God, let me pass.
Let us all pass. (even the people I don't really like)
Heaven knows we've all been through enough. We deserve to move on.

Please.





My computer has died twice since I've begun this post.
I think this means I really should be studying instead.


The next time I'll blog will probably be on Tuesday, after the exams are over and I'm freaking out about results.

Til then.
Pray for me you guys!




~vid~