Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Arranged Marriages

I don't have anything against arranged marriages.
I really don't.
I just would not want to be a part of one.

Sure, it would save us a lot of time and trouble, not having to look for "the one".

No courtships, breakups and all that nonsense.

But where's the fun in that? 

Isn't that what relationships are supposed to be about?
Building a lasting bond between a couple.
Making them go through the ups and downs of life, together, 
So that they treasure the bond, the connection that they share.
So that they know that they can't live without the other; that even if they can't be together physically, they are never apart mentally,
So that they know that they have found "the one", and not just any other one, but "the RIGHT one".

But imagine if you were told one day, that your parents have found "the one" for you.

How sure can you be that that person would be "the RIGHT one" for you?
You might have similar religions, cultures, reputations, horoscopes even, but somehow the connection, the trust, the comforting familiarity and the LOVE isn't there.

Of course, love can be fostered over time.

Some arranged marriages do end up with a happily ever after, if I do say so myself. 
But will it ever be as strong as love that has persevered through thick and thin?
That has been beaten, broken and torn apart only to be brought back together again, stronger than ever?
Maybe. Who am I to say it won't?

But at the end of the day, you'll feel like the choice wasn't your own, but somebody else's, be it your parents, grandparents or guardian. 

You've already let them dictate the majority of your life choices: the type of friends you should hang out with, how you should behave, what career path you should follow... Are you going to let them decide who you should marry as well?

Maybe the beauty of arranged marriages is that you won't have to bear the consequences of your actions. At the end of the day, if your marriage doesn't work out (as do many marriages these days), you are not to be blamed. After all, you didn't choose who to marry. So easy to shift the blame to someone else.

But someday, after a long, hard day at work, when you come home to find some affection or solace in your spouse's arms only to end up quarreling or bickering with them over some petty matter, you might sit down and think: Did my parents make the right choice? What if I had made the choice myself? Would I entrust my whole life, my happiness, and my heart to this very person?

You'll find that sometimes, the answer is no. 


Not sure if any of that made any sense.

Typed the whole thing while 50% sleepy and 45% groggy from the lack of sleep.
The remaining 5% is just my usual blurness.
Vidya chose the topic for me, so if you don't like it, blame her.
*Like I said, easy to put the blame on someone else, eh?

But in all seriousness, arranged marriages have been a big part of my life and is something that I truly care about.

Okay, I lied.
I just made that up to create some dramatic suspense.

^ Watch this. Awesome show!

Once again, I am not at all opposed to the idea of arranged marriages.

I know that some of them really do turn out well.
**I do not know that for a fact, I'm just assuming that they do.
Fate does present itself in the most miraculous ways.
And I respect that they are still a part of certain religions or cultures.
I just would not want my marriage to be an arranged one.
But fast forward 20 years and if I'm still single - I might have a different perspective then. ;)
Actually, come to think of it, I would still prefer remaining single than having to resort to arranged marriages.
To me, if the time is right, he will come.
And if it's not, too bad. Don't have to be all sad and desperate about it.
You don't have to be married to live a happy life.
Now if only I could convince my relatives to feel the same way...

***On a completely unrelated note, Happy Chinese New Year to all the Chinese readers out there! :D

- J Me -

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