Thursday, 6 November 2014

Kissed You


I JUST REALIZED THAT I NEVER WROTE A BLOG POST WHEN GERMANY WON THE WORLD CUP THIS YEAR
HOW
WHY
I WATCHED THE ENTIRE WORLD CUP SO HOW DID I NOT-
oh that's right. I was working.
(*cough*this revelation may/may not have come about because I may/may not have been going through my old posts and may/may not have stumbled upon one from Euro 2012*cough*)



Currently on my last few days of my annual leave.
Literally been doing nothing but sleeping, eating and watching Arrow.

I am a hermit. 


But you all knew that already. 


Actually itching to start work again just to have something to do with my life.
I will NOT be feeling this way next week once I actually have started work again. 


Like I mentioned, I've been watching Arrow - which is an awesome show and one that you should all be watching RIGHT. NOW.
NOW.
NO EXCUSES.
GO WATCH.

Normally I wouldddd try to explain the show and why I love it and yada yada before I start shamelessly spamming you guys with pictures of the lead (oh come on, you all know the real reasons I watch the shows that I watch) but it's been a really long day..

..and so : 


Stephen Amell!
(he plays Green Arrow in Arrow, in case you didn't get that from all the rambling above)








You're welcome.





Bonus : 





1. BECAUSE STEPHEN AMELL LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR OKAY AND I THINK HE LOOKS LIKE CHESTER SEE BUT RACHEL DOESN'T AGREE AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO IT IS THAT HE LOOKS LIKE 
2. Also, I still really want to marry Chester See
3. This song is officially stuck in my head - nothing to do with the fact that I've had it on repeat for the past 2 hours obvs.

4. Chester See is the singer in that video
5. I feel an inexplicable need to point out the obvious tonight




Ahem.

Excuse me while I go watch the final episode of Arrow Season 1.
Goodnight!


 ~vid~

Saturday, 1 November 2014

The Doctor in the House


The thing about us doctors is, we’re not superhuman. 

We don’t have magical healing powers on hand at all times. 

And most importantly (for us junior doctors, anyway) – outside of a hospital/clinic setting, we’re pretty much fish out of water. 


.


My mother went into anaphylactic shock today. 
Started out innocently enough... rashes, itching… but then the dizziness, palpitations started…then the difficulty breathing. 
Textbook stuff. 

And although I have about a year’s worth of experience in handling emergencies, nothing quite prepares you for having to deal with a loved one on the verge of cardiorespiratory collapse. 


I have never before fumbled at taking blood pressure, but today I did.
I have never blanked out while trying to check a patient’s blood sugar levels, but today I did. 


All the while my brain was screaming : Dxt stat! SpO2 monitoring! Cardiac monitoring stat! IV line! Bloods! 


And I was so…helpless. 

I had next to no equipment at home, no medical staff support whatsoever – just a clueless brother and sister-in-law who were looking to me to somehow make things right.

And naturally, naturally, my mother was refusing to go to a hospital.
She could barely stand, and she was just point blank refusing to seek medical treatment.

“I don’t need a hospital, you’re here”

Yes, I’m here, but nothing else is! 



Somehow, through sheer stubbornness, she managed to make it to the car (only after I’d picked up the phone to call an ambulance), and we ended up at the emergency department at the hospital.
Finally, somewhere with proper monitoring and intravenous medication and a nebulizer.
Finally, safer ground.
Finally.


I have never in my life felt so helpless and unsure before, as I did today.
All that my medical training helped with today was with recognizing an impending emergency.




Us doctors…we’re pretty much worthless without our nurses, and our teams and our nice fancy equipment. 
But sometimes, maybe all you need is a helpless young doctor telling you that you need to get better medical attention RIGHT. NOW. 



 . 




At the end of the day, when my mother turned to me and went “I didn’t think an allergic reaction would turn out so bad! I probably wouldn’t have gone to the hospital if you weren’t around. I’m so glad we have a doctor in the house”,
all I could think, was :
you know what, Ma, so am I.


So am I.




~vid~

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Quarter-Life Crisis #2




"Nothing will mess you up more than thinking you should have your shit together in your twenties"



I was going to title this "Quarter-Life Crisis", and then I realized I'd already titled another post that (way back in 2012).
So, since I'm obviously very creative, here's Quarter-Life Crisis #2


Been spending the last week watching old 80s movies - mainly for a twenty-something Judd Nelson *coughcough*
(Can you blame me though? He was such a babe back then!)

Anyway,
so,
this post is brought to you courtesy of the emotional meltdown I had after watching The Breakfast Club and St Elmo's Fire.






(seriously, look at Judd Nelson. Just look.)

The Breakfast Club got me to reminiscing about high school and all my dreams and aspirations back then.

When you're thirteen years old, 20 just sounds.. Old. Mature. Responsible. and yet somehow, Fun.
24 just sounds.. well, to be honest, I never thought about 24. 


I'll be very honest,
at thirteen, I was so sure that by 20 I would have clear skin, the perfect body, a loving boyfriend, and a kickass job as a hotshot criminal lawyer.
(Also a lot of my daydreams about being 20 included a ten-year high school reunion in which I showed up with my very hot fiance and put all those girls whom I hated in high school to shame. ...Don't lie, you've all thought about it too)



It's safe to say none of those things have happened.

 

1. I don't look perfect.
All those things people tell you about "growing out" of your acne phase are lies okay. Lies!
You grow up believing that once you hit 17, all your pimples and scars will magically disappear and you'll just wake up one morning with a beautiful complexion.
Lies!
I've sort of gotten over my break outs (except during PMS - it's like zit central on my face for about a week then), but I still have some pimple scars. Definitely don't have clear, Aishwarya Rai skin.
I am also decidedly overweight and far, far too comfortable to do anything about it. I mean, of course I have endless moments of self-doubt and I want to get in shape, but like. I also have a readily available stock of Nutella. And cake. Because life just sucks sometimes, okay, and chocolate makes it all better. Don't judge me.



2. No hot fiance.
Not even a hot boyfriend. Hell, not even a hot guy-at-workplace I can secretly fantasize about.
To add insult to injury, the last four guys I've had mini-crushes on, have all turned out to be very, very gay. Like in serious-relationship-with-long-term-boyfriend gay.
 

...always knew I was born the wrong gender. 


3. Lawyer? Yeah, right. 
So I definitely did not plan on ending up wandering the hallways of a hospital in a white coat at the wee hours of the morning with an empty wallet and in dire need of my sixteenth cup of coffee - on a regular basis, but hey, nothing else turned out as planned, right?
Well, at least there's Suits. *-*


4. Zero social life. 
I am going to blame Friends and HIMYM and pretty much every other American sitcom that depicts twenty-year-olds hanging out in bars with their friends and having the time of their lives.
I'm also going to blame Facebook for reminding me that other people do have awesome American-sitcom-type lives.
I haven't seen my friends in ages, due to my spending almost all my off days sleeping (I work sixteen-hour days, can you blame me?). And my idea of a good time is hanging out in a hidden corner in McDonald's and laughing until I cry. Not so much the drinking-dancing-dating scene.
And yes, yes, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with friends at a generic fast food restaurant, but let me tell you, from experience, you do not meet new people (or prospective future-husbands that way. Not that I'd want to marry someone I met in a club...but yeah)



5. I don't have my own apartment.
First off, I definitely don't have enough money to think of getting my own place. And it's definitely a lot cheaper to just stay with my parents. I'll admit I miss staying with my friends though.
It's a pity all of us are miserly enough not to want to blow half our salary on rent each month. Add that to the amount we have to fork out for petrol and toll and we'd barely have enough to eat, let alone save, each month.




I suppose I am lucky enough that I have a steady job, my own car, a loving family and an amazing bunch of friends.
But every now and then, you think of the person you thought you would be at 20, and you wonder how the hell you ended up where you are right now. 

And I never thought I'd be so tired at 24. 


Quarter-life crisis, indeed, eh? 




~vid~

Saturday, 11 January 2014

Happy New Year!


I'm about 10 days too late, but whatever.

Happy New Year!


whee.
SO glad 2013 is over.
Let's leave it at that. 



So. Just realized I haven't updated this in like, forever.
Haven't updated since I started working.
How's everyone doing?
(hint : this is my not so subtle way of asking - does anyone still read this blog or have you all given up on me and my lack of commitment to blogging?)

^^



Work is.. quite frankly, insane.
I've started work at a university hospital (name not provided in case I ever accidentally bitch about something ...I don't want my ass hauled to court -.- Gotta watch what you say on the internet, yo)


Started with Internal Medicine, because I am a masochist.
 

I felt completely useless when I first started - could hardly take blood, or set lines, or do anything, basically.
God bless my first MO. Man had the patience of a saint and a personality that could put sunshine to shame.
I am not even kidding.
So lucky to have had him there while I was still finding my footing.
I've definitely improved a lot since then, thank goodness.
I've worked with three MOs and three Registrars (and two specialists!) so far, and they've all been equally amazing. So thankful they're patient and willing to teach.
I definitely wouldn't have improved as much if I'd had people scold/be mean whenever I messed up.


On-calls are a whole different horror story.
When I first started, we only had two housemen on-call per night - to cover 7 wards, and the CCU/CRW and HDW (Coronary Care Unit, Cardiac Rehab Ward and High Dependency Ward)...and yes, that is as crazy as it sounds.
We also don't have the shift-system that most other hospitals have, simply because we don't have enough housemen, so we still do on-calls.
[Sunday-Thursday calls are 36 hours, and Friday and Saturday calls are 24 hours.]
Whee.
Also, while "post-call" is a good enough excuse for saying stupid things or being unable to answer when your boss asks you theoretical questions, it apparently doesn't warrant you going home early.
And we don't get post-call off days either.
E.g. if I'm on-call Sunday through Monday, then I work again on Tuesday as normal.


We've collectively agreed that thanks to how insane the system, it would be better to have three housemen on-call per night. So that's exactly what we're doing.
Only drawback is now we have two on-calls per week instead of just one.


Oh well.

The funny thing is, I actually seem to be happy.

I've had people ask me how I seem so happy all the time.
I've had people tell me I'm one of the friendliest people they've ever met.
I know my patients do like me.

This is a faaaaar cry from when I was in school/college/med school, where I seemed "arrogant and unapproachable"
So I suppose I must be happy where I am right now.

What was that saying?
I may not have gone where I meant to go, but I seem to have ended up exactly where I'm meant to be?


Yeah.


As you can probably tell, I'm half asleep and very distracted.
I will write a proper post the next time I blog, I promise.


Source of distraction :









 

Not looking forward to working tomorrow.
(yes I work on Sundays)
Going to a new ward - subspecialty, Haematology (all the blood stuff) - "daily difficult blood taking", as one of my friends so eloquently pointed out.


Meh.

I WILL SURVIVE.

Okay, goodnight.





~vid~

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

October!


So what do you do when your sort-of-but-not-really-boyfriend-type-person decides to disappear for awhile and let you miss the hell out of himthemhim? 
You blog.
whee.

Well.
Look at that.
I didn't blog in September. At all.
 

Not sure whether I'm planning to stop blogging for good.
I meaaaaant to blog over the holidays, but I kind of just spent that eating and sleeping. Didn't even bother catching up on my shows/movies or going out with people either.
Just literally.
Eating.
Sleeping.
 

And a bit of writing here and there.
(nak bajet author kan)


And now I am sorely regretting doing that because. well. I have exactly 5 days before my holidays ends.

I'M STARTING WORK NEXT WEEK.
WOOOO.

More nervous than excited right now, but I'll get over it and be properly excited eventually.
Also more nervous than excited because I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to cope with my back problem.
Because guess what I found out over the holidays?
I have a slipped disc!
woo.

*waves flag*


Yeah anyway, that's a story for another time.

I just wanted to blog before starting work, 
and I have been putting it off for the past three weeks and finally today I decided that if I didn't, then I probably never would.

And it's 2.effing.thirty in the am, and I am sleep-deprived and incoherent (I swear my meds make me feel and sound drunk half the time), 
so I'm gonna hit the sack.

And to make up for disappearing for so long, 

ta-daaa!

Random (not really) youtube video.




Because after all these months, it's still effing hilarious.


Goodnight!

~vid~


Saturday, 17 August 2013

Results



I was going to write a long post about this. Yesterday.

Oh well.
I should be sleeping right now, but I just wanted to write this here :
Our results were out yesterday.
I passed.
I'm officially done with medical school.


Just so incredibly relieved right now.
Numb,
but relieved.


And a huge thank you to all of you who have sent me love and support all the way from across the seas these past six months.
I may not know some of you in real life, but thank you so much for caring about me.
You're all amazing, and I love you. Truly.

:3
 

~vid~

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Post-Exams To-Do-List


...because fuck it I'm not studying anyway. 

Exam on Wednesday and I am alternating between epic freak out sessions and periods of immense calm where I sit and youtube every possible Charlie Hunnam interview in existence.

Anywayyy.

Decided to make a to-do list because there are like ten thousand things I want to do RIGHT NOW (probably because I have to study and I don't want to study and I want to do all these procrastinate-y things RIGHT NOW)

So yes.

Vidya's Post-Exam To-Do List :

(I really do hope I pass this time around or I swear to God I will just dig a hole ten feet deep and crawl into it and bawl my eyes out until the end of time. ...no that does not involve me burying myself alive ok)

Ok ok I'll stop digressing.
I MUST PASS.

*cough*without studying because but yeah ok anyway*cough*

THE LIST :

1. Write a long, spoilery review about Pacific Rim. Because I may or may not have a decidedly unhealthy obsession with the movie and Charlie Hunnam and Rob Kazinsky. Nope.
And yes yes I know by the time I actually get around to it the movie will probably no longer be playing in any cinemas anywhere BUT I WANT TO WRITE A REVIEW AND WAX ABOUT ALL MY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS MOVIE OK SO I WILL.


2. Write sappy Chuck and Raleigh (Chaleigh?) fanfiction. And none of you can stop me.

3. Watch Sons Of Anarchy. Because Charlie Hunnam. And attempt Queer as Folk. Because bb!Charlie Hunnam.
Rob, bb, I love you more, but nothing on this planet will ever make me watch Eastenders or True Blood. Sorry. 


4. Catch up with Qubool Hai! I actually haven't watched it in over a month because I didn't want to get all caught up in my feelings and be unable to study. ...but then Pacific Rim happened and shot that all to hell, so.

5. BAKE. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE I BAKED ANYTHING. I miss it. Also just realized I'm one of those people who do stress-baking. Stressed out? Bake a cake. Eat it. Goodbye stress.
(this explains why I can never lose weight ok)


6. Play the piano again. Okay so I've been promising myself I'd do this at the end of every semester but this time I'm going to do it for real okay. I've sorely missed my music. 

7. Take a roadtrip with these four amazing peoples. *fingers crossed* I've put my earlier (earlier-in-the-year) dreams of taking an overseas trip away in some dark dusty corner okay so I can have this one roadtrip ok please. I can have this one thing before we have to start working.

8. Finally give Jea Mie her bedazzled red toilet seat.

9. Make fanmixes. For Chuck Hansen. And for Chuck and Raleigh. And for Chuck and Herc. And for all my Pacific Rim babies basically.

10. Sleep in. Every single day until I start working.

11. Write everyday. For practice. I've sorely missed writing as well. Thank you medschool for taking that away from me.


Pretty sure there's a list of movies I wanted to watch. Let me see..

12. Movie List :
   - Serendipity (yes I'm about 128132781237 years too late, sue me)
   - Silver Linings Playbook
   - Barfi
   - Lootera 
   - Pacific Rim again, whenever there's a HD copy out
   - The Mortal Instruments

Can't think of any more right now.



And. that is pretty much it.
I probably had more things that I wanted to do, but I honestly can't remember any of them right now.

Back to studying it is, then.
Rheumato. Bleargh.


Pray for me my dears.
I really do need to just finish medschool.

PRAY FOR ME.






p.s. I will reply everyone's emails after Thursday ok? Presuming I pass. I love you alllll :3

~vid~

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Portfolio Update #(what number are we on?)


...because obviously you guys want to know what's going on with my portfolios, right?
(even if you don't, I want to blog about it ok so there)



Okay, 
so the thing is, 
after weeks and weeks of procrastination..

I'M FINALLY DONE!
Technically I finished it on Tuesday night but it didn't occur to me to blog about it at the time so...





Just corrections left.
And then compiling.

And then just studying left.





Holy shit.
Just one month more.
I'm torn between wanting more time to study and just wanting to get this whole thing over with.

I can graduate this time around, right?






Also been listening to Lullaby on repeat over the past few days.
The first time I watched the MV, I cried.

YAY FOR EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY.

But yeah anyway, 
watch!






roar.

I have completely lost my concept of time.




..did that sentence even make sense?


meh.

~vid~

Sunday, 7 July 2013

Portfolio Update #45


 
I'M DONE WITH MY PORTFOLIO.


*insert Hallelujah chorus here*

Just one more goddamn portfolio to do before I can submit the whole thing.
Effing finally.

I've decided the reason I procrastinate so much on my portfolios is because I don't want to study.
Once I finish my portfolios, then I have to sit down and study, you see.

And God knows I really, really don't want to sit down and study.



ROAR.
I'll reply all the comments the next time I blog ok? ok.
I'm going to go sleep until tomorrow now.



~vid~

Saturday, 29 June 2013

Limbo



OH MY GOD.


So I typed out the post below a few hours ago, 
and then decided to just scroll down the blog to just skim over the past few posts, 
and then I just had to click on that procrastination video ... and ended up on a youtubing spree. 



So much for starting my portfolio today.


The truth is, I quite simply have lost motivation.
Just two more portfolios left,
yet to be honest,
I just can't be bothered to get a move on them. 


No mood to study either.
6 weeks to the exam.


Not quite sure how we went from 6 months to just 6 weeks to be honest.
I guess I owe most of that to the current group I'm with.
I could write out a long, sappy paragraph about how I've grown to love them (actually I did, then I deleted it), but well.

Suffice to say that I do love them, and I'll miss them terribly when all this is over. 



Okay so I don't know where I was going with this post either.
 

Just feel the constant need to type and let out all my emotionsss~ nowadays.
Therapy. 





Was telling my mother the other day about how one of the boys in the group seemed really passionate about Engineering,
and her response was something along the lines of :

"Then why did his parents force him? If he's passionate about it, and he's good at it, then why force him into medicine? Why take away so many years of his life making him do medicine first?"

...
..hypocrite much, mummy dearest?



I could have been good at something else.
Instead I'm stuck trying desperately to finish a course that has ruined my self-esteem and completely broken me in spirit.


Don't you wish you had my life?





*curls up in blanket and hibernates until the end of time*



~vid~