I was going to write a long post about this. Yesterday.
Oh well. I should be sleeping right now, but I just wanted to write this here : Our results were out yesterday. I passed. I'm officially done with medical school.
Just so incredibly relieved right now. Numb, but relieved.
And a huge thank you to all of you who have sent me love and support all the way from across the seas these past six months. I may not know some of you in real life, but thank you so much for caring about me. You're all amazing, and I love you. Truly. :3
Exam on Wednesday and I am alternating between epic freak out sessions and periods of immense calm where I sit and youtube every possible Charlie Hunnam interview in existence.
Anywayyy.
Decided to make a to-do list because there are like ten thousand things I want to do RIGHT NOW (probably because I have to study and I don't want to study and I want to do all these procrastinate-y things RIGHT NOW) So yes. Vidya's Post-Exam To-Do List : (I really do hope I pass this time around or I swear to God I will just dig a hole ten feet deep and crawl into it and bawl my eyes out until the end of time. ...no that does not involve me burying myself alive ok) Ok ok I'll stop digressing. I MUST PASS. *cough*without studying because but yeah ok anyway*cough* THE LIST :
1. Write a long, spoilery review about Pacific Rim. Because I may or may not have a decidedly unhealthy obsession with the movie and Charlie Hunnam and Rob Kazinsky. Nope. And yes yes I know by the time I actually get around to it the movie will probably no longer be playing in any cinemas anywhere BUT I WANT TO WRITE A REVIEW AND WAX ABOUT ALL MY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS MOVIE OK SO I WILL. 2. Write sappy Chuck and Raleigh (Chaleigh?) fanfiction. And none of you can stop me. 3. Watch Sons Of Anarchy. Because Charlie Hunnam. And attempt Queer as Folk. Because bb!Charlie Hunnam. Rob, bb, I love you more, but nothing on this planet will ever make me watch Eastenders or True Blood. Sorry.
4. Catch up with Qubool Hai! I actually haven't watched it in over a month because I didn't want to get all caught up in my feelings and be unable to study. ...but then Pacific Rim happened and shot that all to hell, so. 5. BAKE. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE I BAKED ANYTHING. I miss it. Also just realized I'm one of those people who do stress-baking. Stressed out? Bake a cake. Eat it. Goodbye stress. (this explains why I can never lose weight ok) 6. Play the piano again. Okay so I've been promising myself I'd do this at the end of every semester but this time I'm going to do it for real okay. I've sorely missed my music. 7. Take a roadtrip with these four amazing peoples. *fingers crossed* I've put my earlier (earlier-in-the-year) dreams of taking an overseas trip away in some dark dusty corner okay so I can have this one roadtrip ok please. I can have this one thing before we have to start working. 8. Finally give Jea Mie her bedazzled red toilet seat. 9. Make fanmixes. For Chuck Hansen. And for Chuck and Raleigh. And for Chuck and Herc. And for all my Pacific Rim babies basically. 10. Sleep in. Every single day until I start working. 11. Write everyday. For practice. I've sorely missed writing as well. Thank you medschool for taking that away from me. Pretty sure there's a list of movies I wanted to watch. Let me see.. 12. Movie List : - Serendipity (yes I'm about 128132781237 years too late, sue me) - Silver Linings Playbook - Barfi - Lootera - Pacific Rim again, whenever there's a HD copy out - The Mortal Instruments Can't think of any more right now. And. that is pretty much it. I probably had more things that I wanted to do, but I honestly can't remember any of them right now. Back to studying it is, then. Rheumato. Bleargh. Pray for me my dears. I really do need to just finish medschool. PRAY FOR ME.
p.s. I will reply everyone's emails after Thursday ok? Presuming I pass. I love you alllll :3
...because obviously you guys want to know what's going on with my portfolios, right? (even if you don't, I want to blog about it ok so there)
Okay, so the thing is, after weeks and weeks of procrastination..
I'M FINALLY DONE! Technically I finished it on Tuesday night but it didn't occur to me to blog about it at the time so...
Just corrections left. And then compiling. And then just studying left.
Holy shit. Just one month more. I'm torn between wanting more time to study and just wanting to get this whole thing over with. I can graduate this time around, right?
Also been listening to Lullaby on repeat over the past few days. The first time I watched the MV, I cried. YAY FOR EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY. But yeah anyway, watch!
Just one more goddamn portfolio to do before I can submit the whole thing. Effing finally.
I've decided the reason I procrastinate so much on my portfolios is because I don't want to study. Once I finish my portfolios, then I have to sit down and study, you see. And God knows I really, really don't want to sit down and study.
ROAR. I'll reply all the comments the next time I blog ok? ok. I'm going to go sleep until tomorrow now.
So I typed out the post below a few hours ago, and then decided to just scroll down the blog to just skim over the past few posts, and then I just had to click on that procrastination video ... and ended up on a youtubing spree.
So much for starting my portfolio today.
The truth is, I quite simply have lost motivation. Just two more portfolios left, yet to be honest, I just can't be bothered to get a move on them.
No mood to study either. 6 weeks to the exam. Not quite sure how we went from 6 months to just 6 weeks to be honest. I guess I owe most of that to the current group I'm with. I could write out a long, sappy paragraph about how I've grown to love them (actually I did, then I deleted it), but well. Suffice to say that I do love them, and I'll miss them terribly when all this is over.
Okay so I don't know where I was going with this post either.
Just feel the constant need to type and let out all my emotionsss~ nowadays. Therapy.
Was telling my mother the other day about how one of the boys in the group seemed really passionate about Engineering, and her response was something along the lines of : "Then why did his parents force him? If he's passionate about it, and he's good at it, then why force him into medicine? Why take away so many years of his life making him do medicine first?" ... ..hypocrite much, mummy dearest? I could have been good at something else. Instead I'm stuck trying desperately to finish a course that has ruined my self-esteem and completely broken me in spirit. Don't you wish you had my life? *curls up in blanket and hibernates until the end of time* ~vid~
Remember when I used to speak/type like an idiot with very poor grammar, on purpose, and when I used to create new words all the time? (i.s. the whole of 2008) Good times, good times.
Also I happen to have developed a really stupid crush AND gotten myself into a totally Mujhse Dosti Karoge type situation where I'm playing Rani Mukherjee's character. Say whaaaat? I have an exam in 6 weeks oh my god I shouldn't be having time for this.
Aaaaand here is Henry Cavill being outraged that I'm recommending Wikipedia as a credible info source.
(okay so I just really wanted his face on my blog) (sorry not sorry) MOARRR HENRY CAVILL :
Okay.
Obviously I've totally lost the point of this post.. Wanted to do a Man of Steel review, because of reasons (HENRY CAVILL) ...but I watched it over a week ago, and meh. I'll probably do one after I'm done with my assignment, if only because its another excuse to have Henry Cavill's perfection of a face on my blog. mm-hmm. whee. ~vid~
Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a famous internet personality and I can just come here and rant about my day and lots of people will actually care.
Anywayyyy,
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. *cricket buzz*
..doesn't that sound awfully familiar?
Right so, Portfolio saga story!
Because I still haven't finished my surgical portfolio.
See what I mean by I need professional help?
So anyway, I finally wrote up like half the case (in a very haphazard manner, mind you) on Tuesday? and then yesterday (Thursday) I finally decided I had to get a move on my portfolio and typed out like two learning issues. Took me all of 15 minutes. I swear to God, if I didn't get so distracted all the time, I would finish all of my work in like 0.00005th of the time it takes me to complete my work now.
..that sentence probably didn't make sense but its like 2.30am and I'm wrestling with my conscience over my unfinished portfolio so I have no time to reread long-winded sentences on this blog post okay. ahem. I was supposed to finish my portfolio tonight, and then get down to studying.
I have a fucking exam on Tuesday.
WTF.
To be fair, they told us about it on Monday - which ideally, would have given us about a week to prepare.. ...but considering I still haven't finished my portfolio, I'm left with about 3 days to revise all of Psych, Internal Med and Ortho. Isn't it fun when you're told a week in advance about an exam, but everyone thinks its a great idea not to tell you which postings you're going to be tested on? Should have finished my portfolio tonight; there really isn't much left to do - two learning issues and major editing, which would probably take me about half an hour IF (big IF) I don't procrastinate.
Which is obviously not going to happen.
Meh.
To sleep or to plough on and write rubbish while sleep-deprived?
Sleep it is.
Thank you for wasting precious minutes of your life to read this post. I'd also appreciate it if you could waste a few more seconds clicking the ads on the right ---> (I AM SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING MONEY OFF THIS BLOGGING THING WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT HELPING)
Good night!
Can't I just go to sleep and wake up in September or something? ~vid~
There was no wind, and Rilla heard distinctly a dog howling in a melancholy way down in the direction of the station. Was it Dog Monday? And if it were, why was he howling like that? Rilla shivered; the sound had something boding and grievous in it. She remembered that Miss Oliver said once, when they were coming home in the darkness and heard a dog howl, "When a dog cries like that the Angel of Death is passing." Rilla listened with a curdling fear at her heart. It was Dog Monday - she felt sure of it. Whose dirge was he howling - to whose spirit was he sending that anguished greeting and farewell? Rilla went back to bed but she could not sleep. All day she watched and waited with a dread of which she did not speak to anyone. She went down to see Dog Monday and the station-master said, "That dog of yours howled from midnight to sunrise something weird. I dunno what got into him. I got up once and went out and hollered at him but he paid no 'tention to me. He was sitting all alone in the moonlight out there at the end of the platform, and every few minutes the poor lonely beggar'd lift his nose and howl as if his heart was breaking. He never did it afore - always slept in his kennel real quiet and canny from train to train. But he sure had something on his mind last night." Dog Monday was lying in his kennel. He wagged his tail and licked Rilla's hand. But he would not touch the food she brought for him.
"I'm afraid he's sick," she said anxiously. She hated to go away and leave him. But no bad news came that day - nor the next - nor the next. Rilla's fear lifted. Dog Monday howled no more and resumed his routine of train meeting and watching. When five days had passed the Ingleside people began to feel they might be cheerful again. Rilla dashed about the kitchen helping Susan with the breakfast and singing so sweetly and clearly that Cousin Sophia across the road heard her and croaked out to Mrs. Albert
" 'Sing before eating, cry before sleeping.' I've always heard."
But Rilla Blythe shed no tears before the nightfall. When her father, his face grey and drawn and old, came to her that afternoon and told her that Walter had been killed in action at Courcelette she crumpled up in a pitiful little heap of merciful unconsciousness in his arms. Nor did she awaken to her pain for many hours.
- Rilla of Ingleside, by Lucy Maud Montgomery
I've been sobbing for the past one hour. Every time; every single time I read this book, I start sobbing like there's no tomorrow at this bit, and I don't quite stop until the very end of the book, and then I usually cry some more. I first read this book when I was 12 (I think), and I've re-read it at least 30 times since then, and although I know Walter is going to die, his death stabs me right through the heart every time. It's been years and years and I still haven't gotten over Walter Blythe dying. For those of you who don't know, Rilla of Ingleside is the eighth and last book of the Anne of Green Gables series. It's one of my favourites of the series, partly because it's so bittersweet. If you haven't read the series yet ...GO READ IT. NOW. I grew up with Anne, and Gilbert, and their children. And every few months, I get the urge to pick up one of the books and read my favourite sections.
Particularly now, when I've resorted to turning to my old books for comfort.
There's something so warm and secure about being able to turn to a book like an old friend, and to seek out phrases or chapters that got you through troubled times once before. And to know that the same familiar characters will step through the pages to help pull you through turmoil once again. (am I making sense?)
In other news, I still have made no progress on my portfolio. (but hey look, I blogged twice in one day!)
Also having major pms right now, which would probably explain all the uncharacteristic weeping I've been doing the past few days.
I am supposed to be going out in about 10 minutes (which is obviously not happening now that I've started this post) so this is going to be rushed, and since Im'm also listening to emo hindi songs while typing this out, this post is also probably going to be rather incoherent.
But yes, anyway...
First off, Congratulations C2/10! My batch (or my old batch, rather - not that any of you are reading this) is graduating today! In case you haven't quite made the connection yet... I am not graduating with them. Did not pass my final exam in February. There. Finally mentioned this on the blog. But I'm not going to be wallowing in emotionssss today. I refuse to. God knows I've done enough feeling sorry for myself over the past few months.
Moving onnn, Today's post is about... *drumroll*
Procrastination! ...actually, I just came across this video yesterday, (while procrastinating on starting my portfolio *cough*) and I was itching to share it somewhere on the Internet, but I've already been spamming my twitter and tumblr more than I usually do, and then it hit me...I have a blog! ahem. I've been starting my portfolio since last weekend,
On Monday, I finally opened my old portfolio - because we usually just use the old portfolios as templates for the new ones; just change the content here and there, and all I did was change the professor's name on every page (because I'm handing my new portfolio in to a diff professor), and ...well, that's it. That's like 0.00005% progress, but its all the progress I've made over the past one week. I kid you not. We don't have a specific deadline, but I thiiiink I was supposed to get it done by last weekend. Oh well. Oops. Right so anyway, this video yesterday hit really close to home, because this is exactly what I've been doing for the past one week. (Also what I do when I'm supposed to be studying for exams - minus the printer bit) Ta-daa!
I have missed blogging. I will TRY, -Keyword : TRY (in caps in case you missed it)- to blog more often in the coming few weeks. or not. Depending on how depressed I am. And I don't mean depressed as in sad, I mean depressed as in depressed. DSM criteria and all that good stuff.
meh.
And now, I really have to go. And as a sign of protest against the universe for not allowing me to graduate today,
I am going to go get some weird colour in my hair, and another piercing or something. Because that's what rebellious teenagers like myself do when we're upset. ...what no I'm not in denial about my age what are you talking about. I WILL BE FUNNIER THE NEXT TIME I POST I PROMISE. ~vid~
