It Hurts Too Much To Say Goodbye

It's raining outside. Drizzling actually. And i can hear the *drip* *drip* clearly because i'm too comfortably cross-legged in my chair to get up and shut the window.
And also because I've got this bowl of ice-cream which I'm very intent on finishing.
Ice-cream and rain.
Perfect scene for me to be emotional about the last day of college.

And I know that this post is two days overdue, but here I go :

I never thought that I would miss anything the way i missed Subang Utama.
Five years worth of memories; all the pain, the laughter, the craziness, the smiles, the friends.
I grew up in SU. Started out as this innocent kid who was just plain nerdy, but then I went through a lot. Did alot of downright stupid things. Went through life with a lot of regrets. But those five years saw me grow up into the person I am today.
I never thought I'd survive in a new place, with new people. I never thought I'd be able to be myself around people who didn't grow up with me, who hadn't been through everything that I had.
I don't think I've ever been proved so wrong.

I didn't think 10 months would be enough to create memories that are so strong, and so wonderful, it would take a lifetime to forget them.
To find other best friends to add to the ones I already have.
To find people who would accept me the way I am, flaws and all.
To love 22 other people so so so much that it hurts to even think of goodbye.

Maybe it was the fact that we had only 10 months that made this all possible.
Maybe if we had more time, if we had done a less stressful course, if our class had more students, if our class hadn't been OUR CLASS, then we wouldn't miss each other the way we do.

Maybe it was the fact that most of us didn't know anyone else in class.

Maybe it was all the class lunches in the beginning of the year. And all the times we decided to all wear the same colour to college. And all the birthday parties for each and every person in class.

Maybe it was losing some people along the way. Mani, Nithyaa, Sing Ping, Huey Chieng, Jun Beng, Natasha.. Maybe it was losing them that brought us all closer to each other.

Maybe it was all the stress. Of exams, and assignments, and deadlines. Or of Charity Night, which ended up as more of a G4 project than a Student Council project.
Remember surviving through all the things that went so horribly wrong?

Maybe it was just fate, that brought us all together.


And all the memories that I have. Random thoughts woven into thread.
All the stupid things I did this year, the nonsense, the craziness, the ever-present laughter, the reasons to smile, the regrets, the heartaches (anyone remember dhiraj? :p), the times when I felt like just giving it all up, the embarassments..
And yet, I would give up anything to live it all again.
Every second of it.
Even if it's just for once more.
Because every memory has G4 stamped all over it.

The last day just didn't seem like the last day. I guess that was because we were just camwhoring the whole day.
And charades at the end was pure genius (although we were losing shamelessly).
I hated to have to leave early.
And it only sank in when I was hugging everyone goodbye.
(I hate being short. It's awfully akward to hug tall people when you're short)
It was just too abrupt. Because one minute I was laughing, and the next it was farewell.
But I guess that's the way I would have wanted it to be. I would have wanted to leave G4 smiling, because that's the one impression that will stay with me forever.
That we were such happy happy people.
I wanted so badly to cry in the car, but my parents wouldn't have understood why. And i couldn't go through explanations. And I'm glad I didn't cry.
Because I love you people so much, that you don't deserve my tears. You deserve my smiles, and my happiness, and all the love I have in me to give.

This year has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, and i don't want it to come to an end. :(

Love you lots

~vid~